Your life is your message, make it count.

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a provisional elder!

The only way I knew how to express both my joy and my lament about this process was through written word. I pray this post holds my own emotions, as well as the emotions of those who got continued, as I do my best to express my gratitude about becoming a provisional elder this summer, and the hurt that has been caused throughout this process. Thank you to every single person who has walked with…

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"God is not biblical"

The other day, I shared the post below from an account I follow on Facebook. I thought a blog post, where I could go more in depth about it, would be appropriate (1) because of the volume of comments I received on it and (2) because of how the topic has been stirring within me recently. I feel I need to preface two things: first, I am always aware that whenever I post or write something, it…

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new.

I’ve never been a fan of new year’s resolutions, but picking a word – something I can be intentional about in the new year – that’s what I’ve formed a habit of doing every year. For 2024, I chose the word, “new.” This year is going to be full of newness. I’m the type of person for whom ‘newness’ and ‘change’ are often more intimidating than they are exciting. But the word ‘new’ felt right for…

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hallelujah anyways.

This time last December I was planning a Christmas Eve service, writing my Christmas sermon, leading an Advent study, preparing for a new year with the church I served. This December looks a lot different than last December. I can’t believe in February it’ll be one whole year since this disaffiliation journey began. So much has happened since then; so much within the church, but also within me.…

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1 month.

Recently, I’ve found myself guilt-ridden for having a countdown on my phone for how many days I have left at the church I serve. How peculiar it is, that we so easily beat ourselves up like that – a situation I played no role in creating and somehow I am the guilty one. I’m the one who made a decision to remain United Methodist so I am in the wrong; I’m the reason this church won’t have a pastor…

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october 7.

October 7th has become to my ears what nails on a chalkboard are to most. Every time we receive an email about the upcoming annual conference, I feel my heart sink a little deeper into my stomach. At this point, we’ve had a number of these virtual annual conferences to ratify all these disaffiliations. I can’t say I’ve ever sat through one before thinking my church would be named. But October 7th…

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for the 68 & the 18

For the 68 who voted to disaffiliate and for the 18 who voted not to – I am still Pastor Ashley. Until the settlement is final, whenever that may be, I am their pastor. I am not going to act as though my feelings around this truth are not complex and complicated because they are. But love is still here. Love that is rooted in a call from God isn’t shaken by a vote, or a decision, or even by the…

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discriminatory. unjust. un-christlike.

I took some of the ugly words I’ve been called recently and turned them into acronyms of beautiful reminders that I need, and maybe you do, too. I do not believe you need to find the good in every situation, but I do believe that sometimes, finding the good is the only way to get through the bad. I turned these three words I try my hardest every day not to be into three acronyms that I’m clinging…

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1 year as Pastor Ashley

1 whole year. This job is unlike anything I ever imagined. To be somebody’s pastor is the most humbling honor of my life. It is a role I don’t take lightly and pray I never do. Preaching is one of my most favorite things to do; to be called to do something you love this much is a gift, a privilege. Sitting with people, praying with them, presiding over their funerals, being invited to sit in the…

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h e a l t h

June brought COVID, November brought the flu, December brought pneumonia. Prior to June 2022, I hadn’t been sick in over three years. Somehow, by the grace of God and an untouchable immune system, I managed to make it through all three years of grad school without even a bad cold. My immune system, like many of yours, was thriving. After all, the pandemic had been in full swing so we were all in…

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new year...new weight...new diet...

new year…new weight…new diet…

It’s that time of year again: a new year is approaching and along with it comes all the many very necessary social media posts about new year’s resolutions, particularly pertaining to weight loss and dieting. If that’s you, I want to extend a genuine ‘good for you.’ I understand that people post these things for a variety of reasons: accountability, positive affirmation and reinforcement,…

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A Body People Aren't Used to Seeing Pastors In

A Body People Aren’t Used to Seeing Pastors In

Trigger Warning: This post contains topics pertaining to body image, size, and weight. I am so proud of you for clicking away from this post if these topics are ones that you might find triggering to you and the journey you are on. I believe we’re taught what we should believe about our bodies. We’re taught by the people around us, the media we consume, the shows we watch, the music we listen…

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a jacket, an illness, & a lesson.

a jacket, an illness, & a lesson.

When I heard the words, “you’ve tested positive,” I almost immediately felt tears start to stream down my face, because I was scared, and because the first person I thought of after hearing this news was my poppop, who died from COVID not even two years ago. When I got home from the doctor, I wrapped myself up in my poppop’s navy blue fleece jacket that I kept after he passed. Somehow, even…

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a jacket & a lesson.

a jacket & a lesson.

When I heard the words, “you’ve tested positive,” immediately I felt tears start to stream down my face. The first person I thought of after hearing this news was my poppop, because COVID is how he died not even two years ago. When I got home from the doctor, I wrapped myself up in my poppop’s navy blue fleece jackets that I got to keep after he passed. Somehow, even after being washed a dozen…

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lent & fasting.

lent & fasting.

9 years ago, I gave up weighing myself for Lent. It was the decision that launched me into my recovery from anorexia. At the time, I had been obsessed with weighing myself. I would step on the scale in my parents’ bathroom after everything I ate and drank, and after every work out I did. To this day, I don’t own a scale, and I never will; the only time I know my weight is when I go to the…

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grief & the holidays.

grief & the holidays.

A lot of people are grieving this time of year. A lot of people have lost loved one’s recently, or in this last year. A lot of people are grieving the same way they grieve every single year that they are forced to face the holidays yet again without someone they love. Holidays and special occasions have a way of emphasizing our grief. The room, the table, the days feel empty. It feels nauseating…

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thanksgiving day | a note on eating disorder's.

thanksgiving day | a note on eating disorder’s.

I’ve hated my way through a lot of Thanksgivings in my life. Eating disorders tend to do that – they frown upon holidays and other occasions that center on eating and big meals. Because I know how this day unfortunately has the ability to elicit so much anxiety, fear, and dread for those who wrestle with eating and food, I sit down each year to write a post specifically to publish on Thanksgiving…

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