Natsu's Random Randomness

Never not all of the random things.

[mini-godzilla]

As someone who plays DnD, let me break down what’s going on with the mxtx characters:

SQQ is an example of what happens when someone puts all their points into Charisma and uses wisdom as a dump stat.

WWX is what happens when someone puts all their points into intelligence and never bothers to roll an insight check.

Xie Lian is what happens when someone has a character with fantastic stats, but cannot roll above a 5 to save their life.

[high-pot-in-noose]

Terms You Might Want To Know For Your Wuxia/Xianxia Fic

MXTX's danmei are getting increasingly popular, and the fandoms are getting more fic-happy. I've noticed that some writers seem interested in writing their own fics but are concerned of making mistakes with niche honorifics and titles. I've noticed some that have jumped right in, but have made innocent errors that I'd like to correct but fear coming off as rude or presumptuous. And so I've made this list of terms that covers the basics and also some that are a little more niche since they're usually directly translated in cnovels.

DISCLAIMER: This is by no means a comprehensive list of everything one needs to know or would want to know concerning ancient Chinese honorifics and titles, merely what I myself consider useful to keep in mind.

Titles

Shifu: 'Martial father'; gender-neutral

Shizun: 'Martial father'; more formal than 'shifu'; gender-neutral

Shimu: ‘Martial mother’; wife of your martial teacher

Shiniang: ‘Martial mother’; wife of your martial teacher who is also a martial teacher

Shibo: elder apprentice-brother of your shifu; gender-neutral

Shishu: younger apprentice-brother of your shifu; gender-neutral

Shigu: apprentice-sister of your shifu

Shizhi: your martial nephew/niece

Shimei: younger female apprentice of the same generation as you

Shijie: elder female apprentice of the same generation as you

Shidi: younger male apprentice of the same generation as you

Shixiong: elder male apprentice of the same generation as you

Shige: elder male apprentice of the same generation as you, specifically one who has the same shifu as you or is the son of your shifu

Zhanglao: an elder of your sect

Zhangbei: a senior of your sect

Qianbei: a senior not of your sect

Wanbei: a junior not of your sect

Zongzhu: Address for a clan leader

Zhangmen: address for a sect leader

Daozhang: Daoist priests or simply a cultivator in general; gender-neutral

Daogu: Daoist priestess or a female cultivator; not as commonly used as 'daozhang'

Xiangu: Daoist priestess or a female cultivator; not as commonly used as 'daogu'

Sanren: a wandering cultivator

Xianren: 'Immortal Official'; a title of respect and power like 'General'

Xiuzhe: 'Cultivator', can be shortened to 'Xiu'

Xianjun: 'Immortal Master/Lord'

Xianshi: 'Immortal Master/Teacher'

Dashi: 'Great Teacher', address for monks

Xiansheng: Teacher/Sir; in ancient China, the connotation is very scholastic

Houye: address for a duke

Jueye: address for a noble lord, ei. a duke, marquess, earl, etc.

Wangye: address for king/imperial prince

Daren: address for imperial officials

Furen: Madam; the wife of an imperial official/nobleman OR a married woman granted a rank by the royal family

Nushi: Madam; the counterpart of 'xiansheng', connotation is scholastic

Taitai: Madam; address for an old married woman of the gentry, either wife or mother to head of household

Laoye: Old Lord; Address for an adult man with adult children of the gentry; possibly head of household

Nainai: Madam; Address for a married woman of the gentry, possibly wife of head of household

Ye: Lord; address for an adult man of the gentry, possibly head of household

Shaonainai: Young Madam; address for a woman married to a young man of the gentry

Shaoye: Young Lord; address for a young man or boy of the gentry, generation lower than head of household

Xiaoye: Little Lord; can be a synonym for ‘shaoye’ OR the son of a shaoye if ‘shaoye’ is already being used within the family

Xiaojie: Young Mistress; address for an unmarried woman or young girl of . . . the gentry and only the gentry, I believe. Correct me if you know for certain this is incorrect. (WARNING - It's an archaic term that should really only be used in an archaic setting if being used as a title instead of a suffix, because the modern vernacular has it as a term for a prostitute in mainland China. [Surname]-xiaojie is fine; Xiaojie by itself should be avoided.)

Gongzi: ‘Young Master/Lord/Sir'; ‘Childe’; young man from a household of the noble or gentry class

Guniang: 'Young Master/Lady/Miss'; ‘Maiden’; an unmarried woman or young girl from a household of the noble or gentry class

Laozhang: 'Old battle'; polite address for an unrelated old man of lower status than you

Laobo: polite address for an unrelated old man of a higher status that you

Laotou: 'Old man'; informal but not derogatory, implies fondness/closeness

Laopopo: 'Old woman'; informal but not derogatory, implies fondness/closeness

Please note that all of these listed above can be used as stand-alone titles or as suffixed honorifics.

Strictly Prefix/Suffix

-shi: 'Clan'; the suffix for a married woman, essentially means 'née'. (ex. Say Wei Wuxian was a woman and married into the Lan clan through a standard marriage. She would be called 'Wei-shi' by her husband's contemporaries and elders when not in a formal setting. It implies lack of closeness; used by acquaintances.)

a-: A prefix that shows affection or intimacy.

-er: A suffix that shows affection or intimacy; typically for children or those younger than you

-jun: 'Nobleman'; a suffix for a greatly respected man

-zun: 'Revered One'; a suffix for a greatly respected man

-ji: A suffix for a female friend

-bo: A suffix for an older man of your grandparents' generation

-po: A suffix for an older woman of your grandparents' generation

[wuxiaphoenix]

Useful terms!

[jacknought]

you can say that your favorite mass effect character is the one who was kidnapped by the government to experiment on their telekinetic power and who was then tortured and used as a guinea pig, implanted with faulty tech that made people go crazy and develop tumors, tortured by an alien race who attempted genocide against their race just a couple of years earlier and who then had to kill a teacher in self defense because said teacher was torturing them based on his own racial bias and half the fandom wouldn't even know you're talking about kaidan alenko

[milich96]

*Friends' theme song starts playing*

[sunderwight]

AU where there's no system (or a decidedly less restrictive one) and Shen Yuan transmigrates into an OC rogue cultivator before the start of the novel, and decides he's gonna steal the protagonist before Luo Binghe even gets to Cang Qiong.

The logic is sound -- he'll keep Luo Binghe from experiencing neglect and abuse at Shen Qingqiu's hands, raise him away from the pressure of the sects and the likelihood that anyone else might find out about his heritage and try to harm him over it, keep him fully away from the Immortal Alliance Conference, and then Luo Binghe's course will change trajectory because he'll have no reason to want revenge against the world and no access to Xin Mo. Shen Yuan will be able to spare Luo Binghe some suffering and possibly survive in a world less subject to the harrowing whims of a half-mad tyrannical overlord. Win-win!

However, the tricky bit is that he's not sure exactly how far ahead of the novel he is, and also Airplane didn't specify where Luo Binghe grew up. This means that Luo Binghe could be any age younger than twelve and in any number of places along or near to the Luo river.

Shen Yuan decides he's going to approach this by pretending he is looking for the long-lost son of his sister, traveling through the likeliest areas, asking after abandoned children who might fit the protagonist's description. It's a long shot, he knows, and he's mostly relying on the existence of Narrative Destiny. But eventually he is directed by several people towards a particular city, which is not as close to the river as he'd have expected Luo Binghe to grow up, but then again he only knows that was where baby Binghe was found, not where the washerwoman who took him in ultimately lived.

It becomes clear to him, though, that he's been sent to the wrong target. But also why he's been sent astray is apparent in nearly the same breath, because among the slave children living in this area is a little boy who could be his much younger clone.

Seriously, this kid looks just like him! Or, well, close enough. He looks a lot like Shen Yuan's actual nieces and nephews from his past life. It's uncanny.

Also, because of his search, the slave kids get wind of what he's looking for (his long-lost nephew) pretty quick. The boy with the obvious resemblance to him greets Shen Yuan's own assessment with wary cynicism, but he's just a little boy. So it's not difficult to notice the way he's also practically vibrating with hopefulness, half-hiding behind a protective older kid and looking at Shen Yuan with big dark eyes like he expects to be rescued or destroyed with whatever he has to say next.

Shen Yuan has a big problem now. He just knows that if he says something like "actually no this boy is too old to be my nephew" or whatever other excuse, no one will believe him, and also this poor kid is going to be permanently scarred by it. He's going to think Shen Yuan is lying just so that he can reject him. On top of that, he's not in a good situation here. None of these children are even remotely well cared-for.

Shen Yuan's rogue cultivator self isn't rich on the level of being like a wealthy sect leader or anything, but he's made some money since transmigrating by doing random cultivator jobs and quests along the way here. He uses it all to purchase two little slave boys (Do Not Separate), then takes another job and uses that coin to acquire a somewhat rundown manor which used to belong to the local gentry. The Qiu family (rings some bells but that's not exactly an uncommon name) kept it up for a while in case a branch family sprung up in need of a residence, but they've been in decline and the place is downright decrepit, so they had been looking to sell it instead. It's too big for a wandering bachelor like SY to ever need on his own account, but that's sort of the idea. He makes more money taking on cultivator work, at first taking his boys along with him for lack of any alternative. Nerve-wrackingly dangerous! Eventually he hires workers to start restoring the manor, particularly setting up a yard to be a school area, and then starts taking on any freelance jobs he can get in order to steadily buy out the contracts on all the other kids. He gets it nice enough to house and care for as many orphans as he can acquire.

Not because he's a big old softie though!

His story of looking for his nephew is a bust now, since he's apparently "found" the kid. So he's got to change tactics! If he can't find baby Binghe and the washerwoman, the next best approach is to create an opportunity for them to come to him. So once he's got his new household established, he starts offering free lessons to all the local kids. Not just the ones he's taken in, but also any who come by and want to learn some things. It's a tempting setup for anyone who wants their child to get education but can't afford a tutor, and Luo Binghe's mother had been entirely the sort of person who would have packed up and left her situation if there had been an opportunity for it.

On that note, SY also starts hiring single mothers to help look after his new gaggle of children and do the work he doesn't know how to do in these times, like keeping house, laundry, cooking, actually raising kids, etc.

His "little school" is not universally popular. A few groups try and ruin him, because the poverty in the region provides a basis of business for them. The ringleaders of the human traffickers in the area don't want their trade to dry up, even if it means selling all of their merchandise for this round, so when they find out that their underlings let Shen Yuan buy off all the kids they try and intimidate him into returning them (it doesn't go well for them). The Qiu family also isn't thrilled after it becomes clear what he's doing, and get him investigated by the local authorities (read: use their bribed officials and local goons to try and interfere.)

When that doesn't work either the sects get involved, because the Qiu go crying to Huan Hua Palace that Shen Yuan is sketchy and is trying to establish his own sect. So Shen Yuan talks his way around the matter, and frankly the Qiu are small fish even if they're the biggest ones in the local pond, so HHP doesn't care to pursue things much further. (Read: SY could mop the floor with the disciples they sent to investigate him, and it's not worth it to piss off someone this mysterious and powerful just to bully some impoverished children.)

Shen Yuan is appalled by all this bullshit though. Trust the world of PIDW to make it so hard just for a guy to teach some poor kids how to read and do math!

It makes him dig in his heels about it, because he is at heart a stubborn bastard. The fires that once fueled a thousand angry screeds on zhongdian literature site is now aimed at the local magistrate. One of the women he's hired on has some dirt on the Qiu family, which leads SY to dig up some more until he eventually has enough to turn the tables on them. Local officials won't investigate because they've all been bought, but that in and of itself is of some interest to their superiors closer to the palace, and so SY arranges an investigation of his own that goes way further than he thought? Turns out there are some ugly skeletons in the Qiu closets, and the imperial investigator comes down on them hard.

Well, he can't say they didn't have it coming? Though he does feel bad for the children in the family, especially the oldest son, who gets hauled off to jail along with his father. At least the girl is sent to live with relatives. Maybe he should have done more to shield the minors in the situation...?

His kids tell him not to worry about it, though, that apparently young master Qiu was known to run people down in the streets and beat his servants and do other cartoonishly awful things. SY's not sure how much of it is true and how much of it is his little flock of fluffy sheep trying to ease his conscience, though they do all seem to take a lot of vindictive delight in the whole affair. Especially Nephew, who clings to his sleeves and loudly declares that the investigator should have publicly flogged the discredited nobles so that everyone could go watch, and then begs him for sweets as if that wasn't a creepy thing to hear come out of an eight-year-old's mouth. SY just sighs and tells him he can have something good when he finishes his calligraphy practice.

Of course, it's not exactly easy running what is basically an orphanage-slash-school (and maybe a budding sect...?), especially when pretty much all of the kids have been traumatized and faced stuff like rampant dehumanization, food insecurity, abuse, and neglect. Hiring single mothers soon becomes not only a plan to try and lure in Luo Binghe's mom, but an absolute godsend of an idea because SY has no clue WHAT he would do on his own about the discipline issues or emotional breakdowns or acting out that some of the kids get up to once it registers that they're in a safe enough place to unpack their baggage.

Apart from Nephew, SY's favorite kid is the one who came with him, the oldest of the flock of former slave children. He's the big brother of the group, the one who tries his best to look after the others and to not make any trouble himself. But even poor Little Yue is still just a kid who has been through too much, and he also eventually starts having some meltdowns and struggles with processing everything that has happened to him as a vulnerable child in an unkind world.

SY really didn't mean to start a trauma center for mistreated children!

Though, that's still not necessarily a bad thing for Luo Binghe to one day come across, provided he ever actually shows up...

Eventually, Shen Yuan does figure out that he must be ahead even of Luo Binghe's birth, though he still doesn't put together that he's interfered in the scum villain's backstory. Probably something even more amusingly obscure, like the creation year of some random artifact Luo Binghe used in some wife plot or other, tips him off and he mentally throws his hands up in the air. He's got to wait DECADES? Maybe he ought to try and find Luo Binghe's biological parents and just follow them around at this point!

Not that he can, now, though, because he has to make sure no negative IQ villains (who will probably just be cannon fodder for a subplot one day) decide to send goons to literally burn down his orphanage. Also if he's gone for too long his kids get upset. Probably because no one else is as weak to their puppy dog eyes and pleas for treats and toys as he is.

At least it gives him time to shore up his position, and train Nephew and Little Yue more extensively in cultivation. Despite his initial assurances to HHP that he was but a humble orphan wrangler who was only incidentally a cultivator, Shen Yuan does also teach the other kids some basic cultivation exercises. There are a few reasons for that.

One is just the principle of the thing. No, these kids don't all have the potential to become great immortals or anything, but they can still learn some of it and it's good for their health if they do. The only trouble is if they try and push too hard or attempt things beyond their range, and that's a risk with everyone who cultivates. Or even just exercises!

Another reason is that it helps stave off the jealousy that some of the kids have towards those with more cultivation potential. Teaching a lot of the basics all around makes it into just another topic at school. Some kids might not be as good at it as others, but those kids might also be better at math, or memorization, or board games, and while cultivation can open more doors to people as adults, for the children this is generally enough to satisfy their sense of fairness. Or at least reduce outbursts and fights.

Finally, the impression that any of SY's kids might be a cultivator also makes wicked people more reluctant to try and abduct or interfere with them. Cultivators are revered and nearly mythological figures in the public consciousness. It isn't difficult to see why, if even a rogue cultivator NPC like SY* can mop the floor with most random muggers (*Shen Yuan is not a normal rogue cultivator). Not many people want to risk bringing SY's ire down on them, but of those who might chance it if he wasn't around to immediately react, even fewer want to risk that the kids themselves could kick their asses.

Not knowing that only two of the orphans probably could in fact mop the floor with them helps keep all the rest safer, and is more believable when all of them can conduct themselves enough like disciples to fool anyone who doesn't know what to really look for.

Developments that surprise Shen Yuan but wouldn't surprise anyone else who is paying attention:

People start leaving unwanted babies and younger children on his doorstep. Not all the time, but more than once has he had to frantically find wet nurses and worry that he's changed things enough that some fishermen might just randomly drop the protagonist outside his gate, and he wouldn't even know because Binghe would be a literal infant??

Nephew (SJ) and Little Yue (Yue Qi -- only Shen Yuan calls him "Little", especially when he gets taller than SY by the time he's sixteen) are prodigies who get really good at cultivation, really fast, and between that and Shen Yuan's OP skills they completely warp Shen Yuan's ideas for what normal cultivation potential looks like. This would probably cause more problems if he wasn't teaching all the kids how to cultivate anyway, but means his students actually do kinda run the usual range of skills for a small sect.

SJ and YQ swiftly reach the point where they need more advanced equipment than just SY's teaching can provide, if they're going to keep building their skills. Gaining access to certain tools, aids, and materials (like spiritual swords) is a real hurdle though, and usually is for rogue cultivators (one of the major disadvantages of no sect affiliation.) Shen Yuan is hesitant to use stuff from the plot, since it's For Binghe, but he eventually caves and starts going after some things that he doesn't think the future protagonist will miss much. He also ends up buying stuff from HHP, since they're willing to sell things like spiritual tools and weapons if the price is right, whereas most other sects like Cang Qiong reserve them for members only.

They get an invitation to the Immortal Alliance Conference. Not the one where the Abyss opens up, obviously, the one where (originally) Shen Jiu reunited with Yue Qi and killed Wu Yanzi. Shen Yuan debates on going but the boys really want to, and things have calmed down enough that no one's trying to burn down the school whenever he leaves these days, so eventually he figures it'll be interesting to see some of the Cang Qiong characters and should be safe enough if he keeps his disciples close.

They don't run into young Yue Qingyuan or Shen Qingqiu on the trip, but Wu Yanzi does show up and get killed, and SY only hears about it and assumes they just missed all that action. (WYZ just got caught by some senior cultivators who recognized him and killed him to avenge some disciples he murdered.) Nephew and Little Yue do meet young Liu Qingge, Shang Qinghua, Mu Qingfang, and Su Xiyan though! Which gives Shen Yuan the opportunity to tell them all (mostly Su Xiyan) that if they're ever in trouble near his school, they can come to him for help. Hint hint.

This open invitation ends up being accepted broadly by a lot of traveling cultivators after the conference, who from then on treat Shen Yuan's school like a free motel whenever they're passing through. Plenty aren't even people SY met, but it seems his statement was taken as a general one to fellow righteous cultivators all around! Luckily, this has some advantages. Shen Yuan has no qualms running off anyone who tries to take unfair advantage of him or especially his kids or staff, and no shame in conscripting anyone who is decent enough to help teach his students, even if it's nothing to do with cultivating, and somehow word gets around and people start bringing school supplies, medicine, food, or other useful things along with them as gifts to help repay the hospitality. Young Liu Qingge comes by a lot on his way to and from various quests, or even seems to just turn up randomly sometimes (he comes to challenge YQ and SJ to fights), and SY's just like "I guess this is happening now" and teaches him to recognize the early signs of qi deviation and advises strongly against meditating in caves.

At one point a young Shang Qinghua turns up in one of the spare rooms, very obviously hiding an ice demon. Shen Yuan again is just like "I guess this is happening now" and shelters them until Mobei Jun has recovered, and sends a message to Cang Qiong that one of their An Ding caravans was attacked and their disciple is recovering under his roof but isn't well enough to travel yet. Much less stressful situation for Airplane (who is desperately trying to figure out what he did to manifest SJ's benevolent uncle from somewhere???)

Su Xiyan seems like the only person they met at the Immortal Alliance Conference who doesn't turn up at their door in a state of emergency at some point.

A few years later, there is a big scandal involving her and the demon emperor. Su Xiyan disappears, Huan Hua Palace accuses Tianlang Jun of plotting against the righteous sects, and Shen Yuan is even invited to the meeting where they try and rally everyone to go kill Binghe's dad. Naturally, he declines to participate in the witch hunt, but the major sects agree to it. By luck (or narrative fortune) Shen Yuan comes across Zhuzhi Lang on his trip back home, and mentions the ambush and his distaste for it (not knowing who ZZL is). ZZL warns Tianlang Jun and the confrontation goes very differently, especially since there's no Yue Qingyuan wielding Xuan Su.

It doesn't go well for the sects involved. Huan Hua Palace gets decimated. The Old Palace Master gets killed. Shen Yuan is like uhhhh that's... whoops? Didn't Luo Binghe need that in the future?? Fuck.

But the sect isn't wiped out completely, they just take a massive beating. Some of their younger disciples end up leaving and turning up on Shen Yuan's doorstep, for some reason. The manor house is becoming too small to account for all of these foundlings! They have to expand. Though the expansions would be a stretch to term a "palace" they end up occupying a much larger chunk of territory, and even investing in farmland and some storehouses to help support the sect. That's still not really a sect, of course. Even if a lot of the business that would have normally gone to Huan Hua Palace starts coming to them instead. Once HHP is back on its feet the stream will probably dry out. Probably?

Zhuzhi Lang starts hanging around. He's actually looking for Su Xiyan or their baby, dead or alive and per Tianlang Jun's instructions, but he uses Shen Yuan's school as base camp for his kind of hopeless efforts to find any traces of them, while also looking for ways to try and repay Shen Yuan. All the kids are just like "oh great, another weird man has fallen in love with Shizun -- someone go run interference" about it.

Some years later, an older woman and her young son turn up. Shen Yuan's off on a quest at the time, so SJ receives them. As is standard procedure he gives the woman a job and places the boy in classes, after giving him the aptitude tests. The kid is cute and precocious, so SJ uses him to distract YQ while he himself sneaks out to go join LQG on a monster hunt (and claim the valuable parts of the beast's remains for himself), and neither SY nor ZZL notice anything until SY's going over the paperwork for stuff he missed while he was gone. Since he procrastinated, it takes him like a week to find out that Luo Binghe is finally under his roof. He's going over the admission form right when SJ arrives with The New Adorable Child to try and distract SY enough that SY will let him go on a solo hunt -- as far as being distracted goes, it is way more effective than even SJ anticipated.

Then he has to figure out how to let ZZL know, so that ZZL can let Tianlang Jun know, so that Luo Binghe will have more family than just his mom and more resources than just a shabby little not-sect! But even once he figures it out and sets up the dramatic reveal, TLJ is just like "great! so can he just stay with you? he's probably fine there" which... irritates SY.

SJ fully conscripts Luo Binghe as a minion in his many cons. He never lost his street kid conman tactics, although he now uses them less as a ruthless survival tool or weapon and more to just get things to go his own way. LBH has the face and disposition of a little angel, which SJ no longer can pull off as a full grown adult, so he fills a gap. LBH also knows full well what's going, especially since a lot of SJ's tactics involve throwing LBH at SY like a smoke bomb.

Luo Binghe inevitably still develops a big fat crush on SY, so this is fine by him. Especially when he gets older, he starts bringing SY tea and making him breakfast and running his errands until even SJ is like "wait a minute, this little brat's stealing my job!" and by then it's too late. Luo Binghe is SY's personal assistant, the disciple at conman puppydog eyes has surpassed the master! While SJ was busy being like "I'm going to trick this idiot into doing my chores" LBH was going "I'm going to trick this idiot into giving me his job".

SY takes too long to officially name his school so everyone calls it the Shen Sect, much to his embarrassment.

[wuxiaphoenix]

I would so read this.

[sunccubus]

During an intersect event Shen Qingqiu is poisoned. How do we know he was poisoned? Because the dumbass that did it immediately jumped from the public to gloat about it.

The CQM delegation promptly then grabbed their unluckiest peak lord and dipped back home to try and not have him die. (They also grabbed the dude that poisoned him, to get info on the poison and all that)

It's supossed to steal half of a person's lifespan; and as Shen Qingqiu has lived for a while the dude thinks it will just kill the Lord. It doesn't do that thought... It splits the Lord into two young adults, each half of Shen Qingqiu's age. They are both fucking confused and looking at the other wide eyed.

SQQ#1 blinks and ask everyone to leave. SQQ#2 just agrees when asked by the other peak lords. It's an exercise in patience to get Yue Big-Brother-Extraordinaire Qingyuan to leave his favorite shidi who suddenly multiplied. He is rabid. Overdosing on shidi.

Shen Yuan is both terrified and ecstatic to be free from SQQ's fate, but also guilty? of leaving the other to deal with it. He's 90% sure the other SQQ is the original goods.

Shen Jiu is just looking at the body-snatcher, trying to decide whether to kill the other or kidnap him to keep such a wonderful teacher for his peak. Finally, someone to deal with the brats.

SY: Well, sorry for stealing your body, my bad. I will now leave you to-

And SY gets grabbed by the scruff and forced to spill all his secrets. The system doesn't register SJ as a separate entity so they are free to converse and make plans. By the time the other peaklords (mainly YQY, QQQ, and WQW) come back for gossip the Shens are gossiping about them and sharing some little cakes with their tea. BFFs.

Oh, they are 100% roasting eachother. Don't mind them too much, they are trying to decide who gets to be the older one and thus the one in charge.

[deikshen]

Shen Yuan who maintains the reputation of the Scum Villain and says, oh well, going to a brothel can't be the worst thing in the world, and meets a group of laughing friends who care about him, how does he feel after the qi deviation, if it is true that he lost his memory...

They accompany him with music, play cards, drink rice wine and do skincare. They gossip to him, massage his tense shoulders, rant about the other peak lords and noble idiots, they tell midnight secrets in drunken voices, and he relaxes. He sleeps among a bunch of slightly drunk prostitutes in a comfortable bed full of pillows and silks, all happy, like a strange group of friends who have reunited after a long time.

After that night, the now Shen Qingqiu is completely relaxed and in a pleasant mood, and continues to visit every so often. Not too often; once a month, on very stressful days, twice a month. People judge him and Shen Qingqiu remains dignified, because, he is really not doing anything wrong! Fuck you all!

The System gives him points in character. Good for that!

(Luo Binghe drinks vinegar as if there were no water enough in the world. Oh poor boy.)

[charseraph]

Me with my art program open

[deikshen]

The Shen Yuan who took his little sister to and from belly dancing classes, and practiced with her just to supervise her (he, having fun with that? ... he will never admit it out loud) and who happens to hum some of those melodies, now transmigrated into the Shen Qingqiu who for some mission must take a temporary female form and introduce as a dancer at a event to catch the attention of a weird and bloodthirsty demon (with the obvious company and embarrassing supervision of his shidi Liu Qingge and some of his trustworthy disciples).

Yes, Shen Qingqiu is against that at first… But the other option was to use Ning Yingying! He will absolutely not put that little girl in potential danger! And of course Qi Qingqi would never wear one of those embarrassing outfits, and Qi Qingqi's choice of disciples was still to send young girls to potential risk.

Okay, at least Shen Qingqiu knows how to dance.

(And he dances very well, to the absolute internal chaos of the white lotus Luo Binghe, and the near qi deviation of Liu Qingge. Where the hell did Shen Qingqiu learn to dance like that!? That's what he did in brothels, dance classes!?)

[wuxiaphoenix]

Would read!

[bogleech]

I know it's unfair vilification and stuff but it's also a lot of fun to see old media and stuff where people were SO scared of big animals like lions, sharks, crocodiles and wolves were fully expected to just come and eat you the moment you stepped into their territory. In older media we also made that assumption about gorillas and in still older we thought it'd be whales. But some animals that will actually fuck you up got left behind. Boars will kill you and eat you. They're way more likely to do so than any of those other things actually. Hippos, obviously, got off like bandits always being depicted as cute and dopey. And then there's the squids. Not giant kraken size squids. The eight foot squids that hunt in packs and will fuck you up if you fall in the water at night. I can't BELIEVE people slept on that. It's like all they cared about were the huge deep sea ones we never see. The medium size wolf pack squids were right there.

[bogleech]

Oh some of you don't know about the squids. I talked about them in another thread that went kinda viral somewhere or other but one of the reasons you should not swim in the open ocean at night in many parts of the world is that the water starts teeming with these:

And as you can see it is not like instant death, they too are just animals and they are often just gently curious about the presence of humans! But people who study and dive with sharks will tell you you're safe as long as you stay calm and know what you're doing. The world's leading professional night divers and experts on these squids, specifically??? Stress in every interview and article and paper they write in that you simply do not fuck around with these squids. They know what they're doing and they still all have at least one story of being attacked, in some cases having to be hospitalized. Considering just how rarely anybody puts themselves in the pitch dark nighttime ocean on purpose, let alone during a squid feeding frenzy, it sounds like they're quite a bit more likely to consider you potential food than other marine predators. We also don't know how many fatal attacks might have ever happened, because what humboldt squid like to do with large prey is just drag it away into the darkness forever. The two worst attacks ever proven involved two or three squid at a time latching on to a diver (in BOTH cases they were professionals and knew the risk!) and jetting straight downward with enough force that both divers suffered injury from the sudden pressure change alone, including burst eardrums, nearly passed out and they probably would have died if they hadn't broken free. In general, people who die drowning in the dark open ocean are either never found, or they're found in pieces picked over by enough scavengers that the precise cause of death can only be narrowed down to "the sea." But now you know ONE of "the sea's" possible murder weapons :)

There's a short section on Humboldt squid in Wikipedia's entry for Cephalopod attacks on humans:

Cephalopod attack - Wikipedia

And if you can get past some of Animal Planet's hokey presentation style, this video includes a bit of interview with one of those professional experts who still got nearly squidded from existence:

There is of course some debate about all this, with some arguing that all proven documented attacks occurred on people with reflective diving equipment, which they say the squid must have mistaken for the shine of fish. However, there are lots and lots of people who have to fish around these squids to survive, who do not have access to that kind of equipment, and also have a consensus that if you fall in the water when big squids are out hunting you might disappear without a trace or perhaps just get your head bitten open. With many modern science guys agreeing with this sentiment, this is one case where the "they're just misunderstood sea friends" crowd is kind of outnumbered. The sea at night is theirs and not ours is all. It's not ours during the day either but since we are neither marine nor nocturnal animals we are double fools in the eyes of the squids, which by the way are these eyes:

No for real:

[my-ants-are-anxious]

Absolutely! Also, the Humboldt squid will hunt in packs, sometimes with one flashing brightly to draw attention while the others approach in near unseeable camoflage!

[bogleech]

Beautiful footage of the nefarious sea demons also :)

Also because I can't reblog every addition together:

Okay where's the other 1199

[any-mouse]

@wuxiaphoenix

[wuxiaphoenix]

Yep yep yep squid scary....

[shortcakedoggie-reblog]

@nenerobopistol noodles are ready

[nenerobopistol]

THIS IS SO FUNNY?? YOU COULDVE TEXTED ME??

[felixcloud6288]

[dozydawn]

nimble, a border collie-papillon mix, wins the 12” class in the 2024 masters agility championship. the first time a mixed breed has won at westminster ever.

[vesper-potato]

[wuxiaphoenix]

That was amazing!

[wizardnuke]

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love

[aethersea]

some idiot advisor: I can’t believe his majesty lets his boytoy attend these council meetings, it’s an insult to the noble institutions that uphold our nation, it’s an outrage—

a somewhat smarter advisor: you’re just mad bc he pointed out how dumb your naval attack strategy and no one laughed when you made a mean joke about him

[fieldbears]

Boytoy has gone from a top fighter who was well respected but in constant danger to wearing silks and eating grapes on daises. That fucked up rotator cuff was the best thing to ever happen to him

[mzminola]

Bonus points: at least half the other concubines are experts in assorted fields, the monarch brings them to relevant meetings to both play up a reputation for frivolity, and make sure at least one person there doesn’t have an outside agenda.

[aethersea]

my harem? 

did you mean: my chief strategic advisors

[kitten-kin]

The kingdom is an absolute monarchy but the harem has become a secret meritocracy. The nobles and official advisors kind of side-eye His Majesty because wow some of these consorts must have like…really good personalities. Kings of the past have had their own specific tastes of course; size, shape, age, color, et cetera. More than one ruler has interviewed consorts feet first and Ardwin the Adventurous’s obsession - God rest him - with snuffling armpits like a sow rooting for mushrooms is well known despite never being alluded to in polite company.

The worst part of it is that the new king takes at least part of his harem with him everywhere and it’s so embarrassing. The Counselors of War have never once met with His Divine Majesty without that hulking battle-scarred consort interrupting with muttered growls or scornful snorts. And the Ministers of Finance all flinch at the sight of that fox-faced one, rumored to have been rescued from the gallows because His Augustness took a fancy to his eyes or some such nonsense. General petition days are even worse, with practically the entire harem drifting in and out of the Grand Hall in turns, insouciant and smug like granary cats who know they’ve been given full run of the courtyards and barns.

It’s absolutely infuriating that the kingdom has never before known such a period of peace and prosperity under this ridiculous monarch.

[madilayn]

Tag to this - the biggest secret is the Queen who runs the Kingdom’s spy network. It’s the envy of all the other Kingdoms around, and not a few nobles! Not ALL of the Kingdom’s Diplomats are spies. But many of their servants are. The Queen grew up as a neglected child, and she learned how servants are ignored, but who always know everything that goes on. Many of the spies are like the Queen - beautiful and seemingly vacuous. The sp[ies tend to have great fun, and also work closely with the Concubines

[aethersea]

#everyone is furious when the king picks his bride #a minor princess! of a minor ally! she’s not even that pretty or smart or anything! #but at least when the king marries her he’ll have to get rid of his harem #or at the VERY LEAST stop FLAUNTING them everywhere #if nothing else her family will object to this insult to her honor

#BUT THEN

#somehow she’s befrIENDED THE CONCUBINES

#sometimes they follow HER around!! in public!! 

#the king and queen are  s h a r i n g  t h e  h a r e m

#never has the court been so furious and scandalized all at once #it’s a genuine shock to all of them when ten years later no one has even once tried to overthrow the royal family #(they’re wrong there have been no less than thirty attempted coups twelve of which nearly succeeded) #(but the harem and the spy network are VERY good at their jobs)

[ladykf-writes]

Would you all prefer a shorter snapshot story or a whole big thing? Because I feel the muse.

@wizardnuke | @aethersea | @fieldbears | @mzminola | @kitten-kin | @madilayn and anyone else?

[wuxiaphoenix]

Any length!

[parkchanwoohoo]

[appendingfic]

when a cultural activity easily allows you to let small children participate

alternatively, a child dragon being greeted by the clan

[cactuskat]

The gather to meet the youngling

[lassieposting]

Have y'all ever seen that video of elephants in a sanctuary absolutely booking it across the enclosure to meet the New Baby, because

[ospreyonthemoon]

Those are lions, not dragons!

[miraculouspaon]

GBBO: “A s’more is basically just an Italian merengue sandwiched between two ganache-covered digestives”

Americans:

[flange5]

in case anyone in wondering, this is Paul Hollywood's idea of a s'more

[theequeerstrian]

You know what, their absolute inability to grasp Mexican foods makes more sense every day

[ennairea]

[starlightshadowsworld]

Nodding my head in support of the Americans despite having no clue what a s’more is.

[mankillercalledbunny]

Okay, American immigrant to the UK here to explain all the mistakes from Paul Hollywood happening here: there is one fundamentally American ingredient required to make a s'more correctly but which is basically not available anywhere at all in the UK, and that is graham crackers. A plain digestive biscuit close-ish, but still a very different beast.

From Wikipedia: A graham cracker is a sweet flavored cracker made with graham flour.

The next ingredient (which is also extremely traditionally American but slightly more variable) is typically Hershey's chocolate, but you could probably swap this out in the UK with any plain chocolate bar.

Last ingredient is big marshmallows, the kind you do the chubby bunny challenge with, like the size of your thumb and twice as thick.

A proper s'more, the most traditional possible variety, involves to graham cracker squares, two slab segments of Hershey's chocolate, and one to two marshmallows depending on your preference for filling and gooeyness. You put a slab of chocolate on one of the graham cracker squares. Your marshmallows should be toasted, usually over a campfire but if you're doing them at home over a gas stove burner is fine, but the fire part is critical. You can toast them to whatever degree you like, some people like them nice and golden brown but still kind of firm in the middle, me personally? I want that bitch to CATCH ON FIRE, I want it gooey and sticky as hell in the middle, crispy and burnt on the outside. Slap that motherfucker on your graham cracker and chocolate square, top with the other one so your marshmallow and chocolate are sandwiched together by graham cracker on the outside. You do this with your freshly toasted marshmallow because ideally it will be hot enough to start to melt the chocolate so it sticks to the marshmallow and the graham cracker and, combined with the gooey marshmallow, it keeps the whole thing together, and for that reason some people will let them sit for a hot second to let the melting process happen (especially if like me you have chocolate on BOTH graham cracker squares, not just one, because you're a sugar fiend), but if you are a young child you do not have that degree of patience and you eat that shit immediately, unmelted chocolate and all. Consume your summer camp delight like a tiny club sandwich, get gooey sticky marshmallow and chocolate all over your hands, and enjoy.

Important note: this is a kids treat. It is a traditional summer camping trip dessert. It should be something any ten year old with adult supervision and access to the ingredients can make (and make a mess of). They're called s'mores because kids always "want s'more". If you are using a blowtorch, chocolate biscuits, and merengue, you are so far beyond the bounds of s'more-hood that you have thoroughly lost the plot. If you offered Paul Hollywood's concoction to an American child and called it a s'more, they'd tell you flat out that not only is it not a s'more, it looks dumb and you didn't do it right because it's not gooey.

[gwiggs]

Graham crackers are a distinctly American thing. They were created by a minister during the temperance movement who believed that the way to get people to stop masturbating was to feed them a diet of only dry, sugarless crackers made from a coarsely ground wheat.

Fortunately one of the few things Americans love more than protestantism is adding sugar to things. So we added sugar and used them to make s'mores, the most sugar-heavy treat imaginable, and we never did stop cranking it.

[bramblepatch]

I for one enjoy finding new ways to adulterate Rev. Graham's crackers specifically to spite him.

[trek-tracks]

Sometimes, severe consequences

[wuxiaphoenix]

Oooo yes.

[sunderwight]

I see your pre-transmigration Shen Yuan in a t-shirt and sweats and raise you pre-transmigration Shen Yuan wearing the fussiest rich guy outfits and cosplay and traditional formal wear because why not. He's rich he's bored and he looks good in it. Throw in some wigs and extensions and jewelry for good measure. It helps him feel a little more in control of his life when he's well dressed.

Also explains how he knows how to wear Shen Qingqiu's clothes and do his hair without much issue.

Eccentric clotheshorse Shen Yuan.

[mikkeneko]

It is 100% a headcanon of mine that Shen Yuan used to cosplay. He didn't do costume crafting -- way too much work, he just bought the costumes whole from vendors -- but he spent enough time getting in and out of, and going around in, the clothes that he was able to translate that experience over to his new life as Shen Qingqiu

[sunderwight]

#the other half of this headcanon is that I think he used to do crossplay specifically#it's not queer in any way it's just being CANON ACCURATE#then he went to cons like this and was confused when other dude fans hit on him#clearly they just don't realize he's actually a guy!

I imagine any time he crossplayed one of Binghe's wives he'd also be like, why are they even bothering, I'm married to Luo Binghe and they think they've got a chance? Dream on pal... is what my character would be thinking right now, of course.

[sunderwight]

#shen yuan absolutely 100% purchased his cosplays BUT they were custom commissions bc no one could possibly design a costume as precisely#lore accurate as he can. obviously. so he ends up like. almost almosy a mythical urban legend in the cosplay scene#because he just randomly shows up in the DMs of seemingly arbitrary broke costume makers like a fairy godpatron drops an enormous amount of#money has a fuckton of reference material and tips well - and even more so if you let him info dump when he gives you the references (@/koshertaako)

Mixed dream and nightmare client because he is SUPER exacting but he also has a good grasp of actual human limitations, and tells you everything you need to know, so you're gonna be operating at the top level of your skill threshold the whole time, but also he's basically given you a blank check for materials.

[mikkeneko]

Shen Yuan bought a cosplay set from an official merch outlet one time, and as soon as it arrived he flew into a rage at the cheap fabric and shoddy construction. Unlined seams! Crooked linings! Tacked-on fabric panels just pretending to be underlayers! Rayon instead of silk! His fuerdai upbringing left him with a very strong sense of what good clothes should look and feel like, and this is not it!

Thus, the Harrowing Commissioner of Costumes was born.