I don't even know...

AuDHD - Pan/DemiRom Ace - POTS

[koiagain]

I guess you could say he’s ve… he’s a very h…

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

What my husband hears on the daily

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Manifesting the hopeless romantic crowd to collide with my little goth pan/polyam bestie in the near future

💜🖤🦇🕸🥀🌒⛈🎃🪄🗝

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

✨️✨️💜🖤🦇🕸🥀🌒⛈️🎃🪄🗝✨️✨️

[speedlimit15]

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Doubt they'd see it but it's the best my lil phone can do 😅 the rats are so great though...

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[chaifootsteps]

#Please little bird

[meriwetherwrites]

I love that the modern-day tumblr post equivalent of chain emails only requires me to reblog a relatively pleasant image instead of forward an email to a bunch of my friends and family members to quell my raging anxiety.

[nightguardmod]

It’s a win win. I get a bit of hope, you get a cute birb photo

[the-haiku-bot]

It’s a win win. I

get a bit of hope, you get

a cute birb photo

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[iridessence]

stop holding ya pee for so damn long

[mysterysciencegirlfriend3000]

Are you psychic?

[iridessence]

no, i just know somebody following me is putting that shit off when it’s vital

[iridessence]

No but really always reblog for a follower in need.

[annunakitty]

[brosser-les-dents]

And brush your teeth if you need to. (riding the coattails of other self care.)

[you-need-not-apply]

Bro I just nearly fucking died

[you-need-not-apply]

My throats fucked but I like inhaled toothpaste and my throat seized up and I couldn’t breathe worst part is I spat toothpaste everywhere trying to get it out of my mouth and my throat is like fuzzy now?? Water did not help honey tea might

[you-need-not-apply]

Dude I was dry heaving into a sink barely breathing and my brain went “this is gonna make a sick ass tumblr story”

[epistleii]

is this accurate

[you-need-not-apply]

Absolutely flawless how did you get these photos?

[epistleii]

I drew what I would’ve done. also I really don’t want this to be my tumblr claim to fame; it’s been posted for about ten minutes and three people have already reblogged it

[brosser-les-dents]

Uhmm... Remember to brush and floss? I'm sorry you almost died. Please continue to brush though. 😊😊😊

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Cut to me from ages 15-21 compulsively needing stand in a specific spot when the toilet flushes (in public and at home) or things are wrong

...

Not neurodivergent at alllll.

(Bonus points if there were big tiles cuz there were correct tiles to stand on until the bad noise was over)

🙃🫠

(Also bonus points for getting within the confines of a bath mat as well)

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I always heard it be a neurodivergent thing to have super vivid dreams/daydreams not just weird ones but ones you often can't tell from reality because all of your sensory stuff gets input so it feels real and......

Sometimes it's fantastic. Sometimes it's wild adventure and absolutely stunning scenery and amazing food/smells/etc etc... which is friggin awesome.

Sometimes.... it's trauma compact into a 30 second dozing nightmare and I haaaaaaate it thanks but no thanks fuck you brain for giving me an adrenaline dump at 2am that wrecked my psyche until I hopefully forget about it....

⚠️Don't read beyond this point if you don't like nightmare stuff.

So we did go grocery shopping today which is where my dozing off nightmare used as a starting point. It was brief but awful.

I finished loading groceries in the back of our van and just as I'd closed the hatch door, a piercing cramp hit my pelvic area like a stab to the uterus nerves type feeling and I doubled over onto the ground, slightly out into the driving space. A car going a little too fast for a parking lane ran over my head suddenly. Somehow my hair got basically glued/meshed to the tire?? So when it kept spinning as they kept driving, it promptly ripped my head right off. The driver kept going a few feet before another person stopped them, horrified.

Cut to the pov of my body somehow? and I just see my husband with a confused face round the back of the van and freeze, switch to his pov, just his dead headless wife in a puddle of blood on the ground. Just there. Just gone. That's it. No hospital maybe-we-can-save-her vibe. Just done.

The shock made my body adrenaline dump and now I'm awake and can't sleep... with the seeping, very heavy dread in the pit of my stomach and chest. Body/mind unable to actually wrap its head around how fucking devastating that felt for both myself and for husband.

Okay so sorry if you've decided to read anyway and regret it. I process stuff like this sometimes by putting it out into the world.

My other method is imagining lucius lavin going "okay, very graphic and emotional, can we try that again with- *babbles as he does*" and it makes it like he's critiquing a weird play idea I've just pitched but that didn't work for this one so here I am.

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Slowly reclaiming my outer whimsy. I've had no spoons for over a decade to present myself how I want to vs "safe pieces" like jeans & a t-shirt.

Don't get me wrong, jeans & tees are fine. But. When that's the only/main thing I've worn as a default outside outfit for like 10-15 years?? When I've actively wanted not to?? It wears me down, ya know?

I also had the hangup of weight fluctuating so wildly because I've had multiple pregnancies. So updating my wardrobe... there never seemed to be a good time since my body was always changing. I've decided to just go for it though. Adjustments can always be made as needed when things fluctuate.

I've gotten several pieces over the last month or two that I'm really happy with. Some of them are strictly date night outfits. Some are on the nicer side of casual and some are fully casual. The difference being nice casual I don't really want to wear around the house but would absolutely put myself together in it for hanging with friends or even just errands.

Whereas the fully casual I don't particularly want to leave the house in but want to feel put together for the day. I'd check the mail or even go for a short walk in them. It feels silly but I really need outfit categories. 😅 I need to reliably pick from a selection of clothes for each need.

Today I felt good in my fully causal pick. Plain blue t-shirt style blouse with a brown corduroy overall dress that went past my knees (personal preference, short isn't good sensory to me) and some jeweled feather earrings. Very simple. This one wasn't particularly whimsy but I'd changed my mind from my bell sleeved(?) crop top under it to the plain blouse. Baby steps I guess.

I'm very excited for our next date night. My husband and I do a date night in every other week. But once every month or two we go OUT for date night. Dress up. Go eat somewhere we usually don't. Sometimes stop somewhere we've been wanting to peruse leisurely (without the gremlins) etc etc.

I'm going to get all dolled up in my new outfit I've slowly acquired. I might add a photo but I haven't fully put the photo fit together. (I made stickers of each thing. Haven't gotten all jewelry & purse picked out yet basically) but still excited!

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Turning the earrings into stickers didnt do them justice they're a really BRIGHT but deep red and you can't see it but oh well

I still need a necklace, some rings/bracelets, maybe something for my hair? And pick out a purse. I don't have much to choose from at the moment so this will be a process.

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Slowly reclaiming my outer whimsy. I've had no spoons for over a decade to present myself how I want to vs "safe pieces" like jeans & a t-shirt.

Don't get me wrong, jeans & tees are fine. But. When that's the only/main thing I've worn as a default outside outfit for like 10-15 years?? When I've actively wanted not to?? It wears me down, ya know?

I also had the hangup of weight fluctuating so wildly because I've had multiple pregnancies. So updating my wardrobe... there never seemed to be a good time since my body was always changing. I've decided to just go for it though. Adjustments can always be made as needed when things fluctuate.

I've gotten several pieces over the last month or two that I'm really happy with. Some of them are strictly date night outfits. Some are on the nicer side of casual and some are fully casual. The difference being nice casual I don't really want to wear around the house but would absolutely put myself together in it for hanging with friends or even just errands.

Whereas the fully casual I don't particularly want to leave the house in but want to feel put together for the day. I'd check the mail or even go for a short walk in them. It feels silly but I really need outfit categories. 😅 I need to reliably pick from a selection of clothes for each need.

Today I felt good in my fully causal pick. Plain blue t-shirt style blouse with a brown corduroy overall dress that went past my knees (personal preference, short isn't good sensory to me) and some jeweled feather earrings. Very simple. This one wasn't particularly whimsy but I'd changed my mind from my bell sleeved(?) crop top under it to the plain blouse. Baby steps I guess.

I'm very excited for our next date night. My husband and I do a date night in every other week. But once every month or two we go OUT for date night. Dress up. Go eat somewhere we usually don't. Sometimes stop somewhere we've been wanting to peruse leisurely (without the gremlins) etc etc.

I'm going to get all dolled up in my new outfit I've slowly acquired. I might add a photo but I haven't fully put the photo fit together. (I made stickers of each thing. Haven't gotten all jewelry & purse picked out yet basically) but still excited!

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Yesterday(?) I had a group of players show up at my plot for a 'surprise spa inspection' and it was hilarious. They were all wearing robes too. They were vibes. My people. My chat wasn't working so I couldn't reply or see like half the messages properly so that was a huge bummer.

A lil snowball fight broke out in my entryway, love it. They did come back for a re-do when I got my chat box working which was awesome. Idk how but at one point three of them were on top of my fountain. Two sitting but with their legs straight up??? (howw) and the third in the middle I swear was doing the macarena or something akin.

It was the greatest thing I've ever witnessed. Made my night.

I hadn't been on Palia in a little over a year due to pregnancy/life and now that things are settling postpartum again I was able to hop on and try to re-acquaint myself with the game.

I'm so far behind on everything though. From quests to simply being in-the-know about things people do in the game, etc. But I'm friggin loving being back and exploring.

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I can't find that video where the dude plays himself and his gf and it starts where she says "I'm not going anywhere with you Charrrrlllesss" then as she gripes about him it turns into a bop he dances to.

"I'm so sick of everything you do, sit at work all afternoon, so sick of that (repeats like 3x)"

Bf has on a vest and has an afro and the 'gf' has a black crop top and a big gray robe & big 'ol fake titties lol

Literally cannot find it anywhere I've tried so many search variations. I had it screen recorded and when I went to show my husband cuz he was watching a video and the audio triggered my memory of the song, it was just GONE from my folder T_T

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

Enjoy these liminal-esque? Pictures of the street the other night on the long stretch to our home. I feel like the third one looks like a fuzzy, early 2000s shot of someone trying to photograph a cryptid but nothing showing up on camera.

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I'm so sick of being in limbo regarding fibro. The doctor who is amazing who I wanna see, is behind the barrier of really rude phone people (receptionist? The dept before the scheduling dept? Idk) but they are so fucking rude on the phone it's triggering and I go nonverbal because of it which makes them even more rude to me/exasperated with my phone call and I'm just so tired of it.

Im so done. I wanna cry. Why can't I just see the damn specialist without the staff in between causing patients to just shut down because they're so audibly rude about being annoyed they're talking to you.

I'm literally about to just try and see someone out of state and out of pocket that another family member went to see because the local one's just not professional.

I'm pissed tf off. The one lady I saw, I didn't want to see, and she very much triggered my past experience getting diagnosed with pots and the first doctor, who was the head of cardiology, didnt listen to a fucking word I said and dismissed me. I had to get a 2nd opinion at the same office and that doctor actually gave a shit about my history. Which went in one ear and out the other with the first guy and I felt the same way with my fibro appointment.

It felt like she didnt believe me/believed my weight and past trauma were the only cause not the symptom. My weight is 100% a symptom. That only showed up within the last 4 or 5 years. Fibro issues? I've had for the last 17-18 ish years. Yea, my weight isnt the issue bitch. I've done all the healing I can from my past trauma and don't see any way to improve as I've tried several therapies none of which worked for me.

Sigh.....

Just ranting at this point but honestly I need to bitch about it because the barriers are ridiculous and even when you get past the barriers and see someone, half the time they shouldnt be a doctor with how they treat their patients.

Fucking unacceptable.

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I love vocal stimming the scooby doo theme song and now my littles and I are watching it this morning ^_^

Ngl vocal stims decide what we watch/jam to/do in general a lot lol

[doodlegirll]

This is one of the funniest holiday cards I have ever seen.

[laughconfetti]

this has been in my queue for an entire year

[bithablu]

Happy Winter Solstice to all the heathens! And everyone else! But especially the heathens!

[lemonsharks]

And a debauched Saturnalia to all of you 😳🥹

[asexual-cat-furry]

Happy Szczodre Gody to everyone! ^w^

[chronicillnesshumor-deactivated]

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

FFR!!! But also, the holter monitor is how I discovered I was allergic to adhesive and the monitors (I tried several times/types over the years before getting diagnosed finally) never stayed attached properly due to my skin blistering/rashing out under the adhesive so the monitors either fell off completely after the first day or two or they stayed a few days but weren't adhered fully and didnt get any useful data.