Dazed and Confused @nemisongbird - Tumblr Blog

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

#😂

butchyena

this is the funniest fucking billboard possible. who the fuck paid for this

#only if possible #otherwise #rest of the world is good

lexilexilexilexile

Shane and Ilya’s daughter has to do a family tree project in class. They’ve done a great job at emphasizing to her that parents can be any two people that love each other and she understands that other kids might not know that. The rest of the project will be pretty straight forward - Shane doesn’t have any siblings and their daughter doesn’t know much about Ilya’s family at this age besides that papa has a mama that watches over them and that loves her very much. Shane is still nervous about it and having a Very Normal Shane Reaction wondering if she will feel left out for not having a mom and feeling sad that she will never know her papas family and wondering if she is lonely and if they should have another kid. When they get an email from the school asking them to come in at pickup to discuss her family tree Ilya is already angry and ready to pick a fight with whatever stupid kid is bullying their daughter for having two dads. They walk into the classroom and their daughter is standing with her arms crossed insisting that there is nothing wrong with her project and when the teacher slides it across the table they see something so bizarre that they don’t know where to start. She’s drawn on only one side of the tree - Ilya and Shane both stemming from Yuna and David. Next to them are about ten stick figures of different sizes all with hearts around them. While they’re trying to decipher what on earth she has drawn she starts presenting it with her little finger saying “see? Dad is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son and Papa is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son, too.” And then she moves her finger along with “and that’s uncle Hayden, uncle Troy and uncle Harris, uncle Evan, uncle Luca….” And as she’s naming every stick figure Shane is trying to figure out how he’s going to explain to her teacher that he is not married to one of his 10 brothers when he is actually an only child and Ilya has to turn away because he’s crying at the reminder that the family that adopted him adopted her as well and there has never been a child that has been so loved

#awww

my-castles-crumbling

surround - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 495 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3

“Fuck,” Ilya muttered, eyes glued to Shane’s bare ass as he walked into the showers, greeted by the most magnificent sight on earth. “Fuck.”

Troy, who had unfortunately been close enough to hear, rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. “Jar, Rozanov.”

Grumbling, Ilya turned and stomped back to the locker room, fishing out a bill from his wallet and stuffing it into a jar labelled, ‘Stop traumatizing us, you sick fucks.’

Then he moped at his stall until Shane returned, freshly showered and looking extra scrumptious, before getting up to head to the now-safe showers.

“More, Hollander,” Ilya murmured in his husband’s ear, spotting him as he lifted weights in the Centaurs’ team gym. “For me.”

Shane, who was sweating and flushed pink, gritted his teeth and lifted the weight again.

“Jar!” Wyatt called cheerfully from the treadmill across the room, making both Shane and Ilya send him a glare.

“I think, maybe small change should be made,” Ilya suggested as he watched Shane pose for part of the Centaurs’ Christmas photo shoot, a silly Santa hat jammed on his head.

Harris, who was snapping the pictures, paused and looked to him. “Yeah? What?”

“Hollander should take his shirt off. Not just for me, of course. But for world. Everyone will like-”

“Oh my god, Ilya, jar,” Shane himself said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

“Rozanov, what the fuck?” Shane yelled, shoving his husband into the wall as soon as the team made their way into the locker room after the end of the second period.

Ilya, who was already bleeding from his mouth, hissed at the contact and swore under his breath. “What? You are really mad at me for fighting, Hollander?”

“Yes! Look at you, you’re hurt, you could have been suspended or fined-”

But Ilya didn’t look sorry at all. “They were targeting you, Shane,” he spat. “Saying things about you. I–”

“That’s my business. You’re supposed to play the game.”

“I’m going to defend my husband.”

They stared at each other furiously, anger and attraction crackling through the air between them, the tension high enough that the entire room could feel it.

Then Ilya leaned forward, as if to kiss Shane.

“Yeah. Jar,” Bood called, smirking.

Ilya swore loudly, stomping his foot, walking towards his bag to grab his wallet.

Ilya was flying. Heart racing, cheeks hurting from how wide he’d been grinning, throat aching from how loud he’d been screaming.

The Centaurs had just won the motherfucking Cup. He and Shane, together had just won. And to top it all off? He’d gotten the gamewinning goal.

Beaming, he followed his team into the locker room, which already had music blaring and people yelling with joy.

But it was Shane that he was focused on. Shane, who he saw…grabbing his wallet and shoving the entire thing in the jar?

Then, he grabbed Ilya’s collar and pulled him in for a searing kiss right there, surrounded by their teammates.

#hollanov #read it and laugh

velvetcloak

#signed and shared

f0restnympho420

i feel like that picture of ben affleck smoking the cigarette and looking so tired all the time

#today especially

sashayed

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

sashayed

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

#praise be #for not being on Everest

afrolatinotrait

#I desire this very much

kosmogrl

let’s all quit our jobs and just go on walks

#I'm in #or rather - I'm out

cheglok-art

Kākāpō believes in you ☀

#less sun tomorrow please #it was too hot today

aceinthetrap

An ultra extended flowchart for identifying dynasties! Even identifying sub-periods of each dynasty. As always, this is a general guide ther

does the makeup look sad or happy? >>> goth & sad >>> middle tang dynasty [lmao]

#pretty

kurulover

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

kurulover