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[neorandomsstuff]

Y/N: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Natasha: Y/N no.

Yelena: Mistlefoe.

Wanda: Please stop encouraging them.

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Yelena: If you had to choose between Y/N and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Natasha: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Wanda: Y/N!

Yelena: 63 cents.

Natasha: I'll take the money.

Wanda: Y/N!!!

[neorandomsstuff]

*Wanda, Natasha, and Y/N getting into the car*

Natasha: I’m driving.

Y/N, out of view: Shotgun!

Wanda, turning to face Y/N: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Wanda and Natasha: WOAH-

Y/N, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

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Steve: What is your biggest weakness?

Y/N: I can be uncooperative.

Steve: Okay, can you give me an example?

Y/N: No.

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Y/N: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Natasha: ...

Natasha: Y/N, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

Y/N: *Sips coffee from bowl*

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Y/N: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

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Natasha: Y/N was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

Y/N: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.

Natasha: Y/N, you ate a chair.

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Natasha: It’s dark in here

Y/N: Don’t worry dude I got this

Y/N: *Stomps their feet*

Y/N: *Skechers light up*

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Y/N: the moon looks beautiful, isn’t it?

Peter, looking at Y/N: yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful?

Y/N and Peter in unison: [sighs] MJ

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Natasha: Did you like the food I made?

Y/N: No, not really.

Natasha: But I put my heart and soul into it!

Y/N: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.

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Y/N: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

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Wanda: Natasha isn’t answering their phone

Y/N: I’ll call

Wanda: Carol and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Natasha: Hello?

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Natasha: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Yelena: Just rip the bandage off.

Natasha: It’s Y/N.

Yelena: Put the bandage back on.

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Natasha, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Alexei: But – that’s just a trash can.

Natasha: It sure is!

[neorandomsstuff]

Natasha : What do you have?

Y/N: A KNIFE!

Natasha : NO!

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Natasha, to Y/N: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

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Natasha: What happened?!

Y/N: Do you want the long version or the short version?

Natasha: Sh-short??

Y/N: Shit's fucked.

Natasha: Okay, long.

Y/N: Shit's very fucked.