i dont think cis people should talk about trans discourse anymore because once i saw a video where a cis person said tgirl was a slur and it was that moment where i realized if they get to dictate popular conversations even in a pro-trans way, its so jover for us
trans people gotta lead conversations about trans people, not because of some dumb identity politics “only we can understand gender” but because we gotta suffer through shit like this. sit your ally ass down
It's so, SO important to share success stories like this. I know an actual JPL engineer who doesn't believe in climate change because, "you never hear about acid rain anymore."
He thinks climate change can be lumped in with acid rain and the ozone layer of "things that were overblown and not really important because no one talks about it anymore."
It didn't even occur to him that we actively fixed the problem. Here's the EPA page on acid rainfall.
From the page:
It's also important to talk about success stories tonfuel hope that we can overcome current and future conservation and environmental issues.
It sucks that adults' prejudices shape kids' childhoods. Like poly people having to actively worry about keeping custody of their kids just because other people who don't know them think their lifestyle is weird. Like imagine how much nicer things would be if people could just be normal about things.
Like some kid growing up in a family with Mom, Dad, and Kevin, who sleeps in dad's bed half the time and makes really good spaghetti. And that's just their primary example of what a "normal" family is. And then they go to kindergarten or something and really get to know other kids from other families for the first time and just go the fuck do you mean you don't have a Kevin? What happened to yours?
And the other kids go home asking their parents why they don't have a Kevin, because they, too, want really good spaghetti. And their parents have no fucking idea how to even begin unwrapping what the ever-loving fuck their kid is talking about.
I see these cishet men talking about their instant turn offs and/or red flags and they're such boring and ridiculous things like "takes pictures of her latte" or "owns cat ear headphones" or "has a nose piercing" and I'm out here like if that's the worst woman you can possibly think of then personally I think you just aren't attracted to women.
At least my instant turn offs that are Dude Things are "is an egotistical manchild that doesn't like the word no" and "has a chronic case of useless husband disorder" and "treats the women in his life poorly".
Like I can't imagine not being attracted to someone because he likes to take pictures of his food or because of a piercing or whatever. Really? That's the worst you can think of? Do you even like women? Or do you think that any qualities that make her stand out from the rest (even when these are EXCEEDINGLY common Girl Things) are inherently unattractive because then you have to think about her as though she's more than just a pussy and a pair of boobs.
I'm reminded of that quote where he talks about how gay men love the ugly parts of men as much as they love the pretty parts, and how straight men are threatened by this because it challenges them to love the ugly parts of women, and I don't disagree per say. I just don't think "takes photos of her food" and "dyes her hair bright colors" fall under the "ugly parts of women" qualifier. I think that's more just "being a human person" and for whatever reason straight men who act like this have a hard time conceptualizing that the women they're attracted to are human or people.
Straight guy here, I want to provide my inside take on what's going on here.
Genuinely, the straight men OP is talking about are the type that has such a poor vocabulary, they literally don't have the tools to describe relationships. Those traits, the laté snaps, septum piercing, cat ear headphones, those are all stand-ins for character types that they're unable to describe using specific terms.
Lots of men grow up with this idea that they're supposed to die in battle; men get off the Titanic last, so they find meaning in "being of service" in a "manly" way. This is usually accomplished by working jobs that destroy them, also resulting in utter neglect of their education and relationships. The whole "tradwife" attitude revolves around this idea that "since men are socially disposable, but also sensitive creatures, the female conpanions in their lives should notice their hardships, appreciate their sacrifices, and support them by making up for their deficits."
I shouldn't need to outline how fucking flawed that worldview is, but it's a common one that many men internalize.
So you get these "poor, hard done by" men who see their daily misery as some fucked up noble sacrifice, and who generally don't spend time enjoying life outside of destructive, manly persuits like after work drinking, womanizing, or drugs. Or sports, because that's a proxy for masculine violence, and another avenue to destroy your body and ""die in battle.""
They don't know how to relax, they don't know how to enjoy their own company, they don't know how to manage a household, they develop unhealthy attitudes and coping mechanisms, their relationships are all based on money, their routines revolve around work and nothing else, and their home lives and family dynamics suffer as a consequence.
What's laté snap girl doing, really? She's cultivating an online following, she's slowing down to note small details that please her, she's taking time for herself to enjoy a moment. If these men did that, they'd suddenly be confronted with the emptiness of their lives, the futility of capitalism, their substance use problems, and the various aches and pains thay riddle their bodies, as a result of their flawed lifestyle.
So, these men construct a type; the anti-their lfiestyle type, that's empowered, educated, and self interested. This type finds meaning in others and in themselves, not in lives based on imagined noble self-sacrifice. This type has blue hair and piercings, is aware of social issues and patriarchy, is independant and self regulates well, and doesn't put up with the "poor him" attitudes of the shitty men out there.
As a result, "women with cat ear headphones" represent anti-matter to the "poor him" bros, and they can't use more specific language to describe this, because that would require awareness of their pathetic worldviews and systemic disfunction in their lives.
And I feel bad for these guys, because they're guys like my dad or my highschool pals who went down a shitty path. But wow, their whole fucking orientation towards life sucks, and they tend to expect defference and respect for their bad attitudes and lives of suffering, when they've really just been grease in the wheels of capitalism. They love women, but have constructed a life where only a certaim type of woman can really fit into it, and this excludes most folks with enough self intetest to have a sense of style that breaks from traditional norms.
I've gotten a lot of responses on this one but I think this hits the nail on the head.
Folks, I'm not saying these men are Secretly Gay or Ace or Aro or anything. I'm calling them misogynists with shitty worldviews. I'm saying that for all that a heterosexual man is supposed to like women, it seems like guys like this mostly just like vag and tit and not, you know, the human beings attached to those body parts.
And no, this is not restricted to online. Actually what made me make this post was a song in which a band I like was making fun of guys like this, said song has played on the radio and had a verse that was more or less "I went on this date with this girl and she was perfect until she started to take pictures of her latte so I'm ghosting her because I can't stand her anymore". And while they're playing up the dramatics for the point of the song (which is, again, to make fun of dudes who act like this) I've heard enough comedy routines and tv/movie scripts and radio hosts and podcasts and college students walking by to have heard this in passing in real life and not simply in the depths of reddit and 4chan. I've heard politicians and celebrities and professors and news anchors doing this. This isn't a showcase of "the worst of" Facebook comments in a circle jerk group that posts exclusively women they think are ugly for existing as a human being.
Because a lot of these dudes ARE using "blue haired leftists" as a shorthand for a personality type. The problem is that the personality type they're saying they dislike is, largely, "woman who won't be a tradwife mommy maid who exists solely in my sexual power fantasies".
Which, at that point, makes me wonder if they even like women past an incredibly shallow idea of what women as property can provide for them rather than enjoying the women they date as whole entire human people.
anyone ever encounter that idea that "you're not neurodivergent if it's something you weren't born with".
It's not true, the person who coined the term never said that, the ND community as a whole never agreed to that, and there was never some medical usage of the term that would suggest that
But I've heard this often enough that it must have come from somewhere. Who started this idea
To be clear, some forms of neurodivergence, like autism or ADHD, are things you are born with. Others, like PTSD or conditions caused by damage to the brain, are not. One is not lesser than the other
I think people forget that "neurodivergent" isn't a medical term, there's no precise criteria, it's deliberately defined somewhat vaguely and there's no list of conditions that count. It's a political term. And there is no goodnreason why the neurodiversity movement would want to exclude conditions that people acquire during their lifetime
It's ok if you're sad, crying, or angry about your chronic illness today. Radical acceptance doesn't mean we need to present positivity to the world everyday. It means accepting the full range of emotions that can accompany us and coping, then moving forward again when we can. You're doing great.
fainting can be extremely scary. if you don’t know what to do, that can make it even scarier. luckily for you (though not for me), I’ve been fainting since I was 13 years old, so I’ve got quite a bit of experience in dealing with these things, and educating the people around me about how to deal with these things. so here is my guide on what to do if someone faints!
{1} how to prevent a fainting episode
first things first, let’s talk prevention. sometimes, people will experience symptoms before they actually faint. if you’re observant enough, you might be able to recognize these signs and take action before the person faints. some signs that someone might be about to faint include:
pale or ashy-looking skin
cold, clammy skin
flushed skin
sweating
slurred speech
dropping things
shakiness or tremors
complaints of a headache
appearing detached or out of it
looking or claiming they feel sick
unsteadiness (swaying, stumbling)
sensitivity to light (squinting, blocking their eyes)
if you notice someone exhibiting one or more of these signs, it's worth going up and asking if they're okay. sometimes people don't understand what's happening, or don't put the pieces together, and even asking if they are okay might be enough for them to work out that they are about to faint.
if they do say yes (or don't know but you suspect they are about to faint), it's time to take action. fainting can happen in the blink of an eye, so make sure you stand close by with your arms at the ready. if you can, help guide them down to the floor, making sure you tell them what you are doing. something like "let's get you on the floor" will work. that should be your top priority. if they cannot lay down, guide them to sit on the floor or the nearest available seat. get them as close to the ground as possible so if they do faint, they are at a lower risk of hurting themselves. guide them to place their head between their knees.
the steps for what to do next are virtually the same as in the next part, so to avoid repeating myself, I will just move on.
{2} if the person has fainted, check to make sure they aren't in immediate danger.
the first thing you should do if someone is unconscious is CHECK FOR A PULSE. if they do not have one, immediately start CPR, call for an ambulance. this should be your number one priority. everything else can come later.
once you've determined they are still alive, you can start checking for injuries. don't try to move them right away, especially if you think they may have hit their head. check for bleeding, bruising, broken bones, etc. if you see any major injuries, call for an ambulance.
also, take the time to check the environment around you. make sure they are not in a dangerous location (ex: near the top of a flight of stairs, on or very near the road, in areas with high foot traffic, etc). if they are, take the time to move them.
THIS IS IMPORTANT: if the person has a service dog, do not impede its duties!! do not try to move the dog. check for medical ID (either on the person or on the dog). if you find something that indicates something serious may be going on, or if the dog tries to alert you or get your attention, call for an ambulance.
{3} get the person conscious again.
if they are not in immediate peril, congratulations! now you get to start on the process of getting them conscious again. of course, it's very likely they will regain consciousness on their own after a few seconds, but even if they do, these are important steps to take to help them recover quicker.
here's some things you should do:
shift the person onto their back and elevate their feet above their heart. this helps get blood flowing back to the brain.
remove any excess layers and loosen any tight clothing.
get some water or a cool compress and apply it to areas like the face and the back of the neck.
make sure they have enough room to breathe. if there's a crowd, you should try to get them to back away.
if the person doesn't appear to be in any immediate danger, there is no need to call an ambulance at this point.
if the person has been unconscious for longer than a minute, call for an ambulance. this is a sign that something more serious may be going on. also, if the person has difficulty regaining consciousness, or lapses back into unconsciousness, that is also a sign you need to call for an ambulance.
if the person has a service dog, you can and should still do all of these things (without impeding the dog's tasks). do not distract the dog or assume that the dog will do everything.
{4} help the person recover after regaining consciousness.
once they have woken up, you can begin the post-fainting recovery process.
ask the person the following questions: 1) how are you feeling? 2) does anything hurt? 3) have you ever fainted before? (if they have not and there is no obvious cause for the fainting, call 911) 4) do you want me to call someone for you?
continue to have the person elevate their feet and apply a cold compress for at least ten minutes, or until they are feeling better.
once they are ready to stand, remain close by in case they lose consciousness again.
once they are upright again, offer them some water.
if they have fainted because of low blood sugar or they have a condition like POTS, try to find them something small to eat. again, only do this when they are upright again.
treat any (minor) injuries they might have sustained.
make sure they have a way to get home (or wherever they are going) safely. encourage them to rest, drink fluids, and eat.
{5} what not to do if someone faints.
do not panic. fainting is very common and usually no cause for concern. a healthy amount of worry is good, but don't get too worked up about it. that could impair your ability to help.
do not call an ambulance if the person tells you not to call an ambulance, especially if this person has a history of fainting. not every fainting episode warrants a trip to the ER, and having paramedics hovering over you can be way more stress than it's worth.
do not elevate the head. the reason you collapse is because your body is trying to get bloodflow back to the brain. elevating the head usually will either not help, or it may be actively harmful. this include placing items like pillows or folded clothing under the person's head, or placing their head in your lap.
do not get them up too quickly. ease them into standing after they have been laying down for several minutes (or when they feel ready to stand). getting them up too quickly raises the chances of having another fainting spell.
do not shake the person aggressively or try to "shock" them awake by slapping them.
do not give them anything to eat or drink while they are laying down or while they are still unconscious.
don't pour water on them, especially not on their face. get a damp cloth, a water bottle, or ice pack instead.
don't leave them alone. if you must leave, make sure someone stays with them until they are up on their feet again.
don't force treatments onto them. if they say they don't need water, food, or your further assistance, listen to them.
{6} times when you should and shouldn't call an ambulance.
you should call an ambulance if:
the person has been unconscious for more than one minute.
the person is not breathing and/or does not have a pulse.
the person has a serious injury, or there is a risk they may have hit their head.
the person is pregnant.
the person is having difficulty waking, or appears extremely confused upon waking up.
the person faints multiple times.
it is the person's first time fainting.
you suspect there may be a more dangerous reason that the person has fainted (ex: stroke, heart attack, etc.)
the person has a seizure or begins exhibiting symptoms not associated with normal fainting (ex: shortness of breath, chest pains, arrythmia, difficulty moving).
you probably don't need to call an ambulance if none of the above are true, but especially so if:
the person has a history of fainting.
the person fainted for a known and non-serious reason (ex: low blood sugar, dehydration, heat, stress, etc).
the person is alert, talking, and improving afterward.
the person is young, healthy, and has no other symptoms.
there are no signs of major injury.
the person regains consciousness quickly.
hopefully you'll never have to use any of this, but if you do, now you know! feel free to drop more suggestions.
Disabled and chronically ill people are allowed to enjoy things and do things they like (if they’re able) while still being sick and disabled. Yes, even if they aren’t employed. Hope this helps.
Asking someone you barely know what their disability is equatable to just coming up to someone and saying “hey what’s the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to you?”
Able-bodied people assume most people with mobility aids ESPECIALLY wheelchairs, have been in some sort of traumatic accident, and yet y’all still come up to us asking.
I know its kind of silly to say “don’t feel bad for canceling because of pain, fatigue, etc” because I know guilt is a reflex you can’t easily refrain from. But you can reason with yourself so instead I’ll say this:
Nobody can feel what you’re feeling but you. Nobody knows the severity of what you would be putting yourself through if you were to “tough it out.”
If you do “tough it out,” the purpose for you doing the thing will most likely not be fulfilled anyway. You probably will not be mentally present or engaged. You probably will not have a good time or get much out of it. Etc.
If people really have such a problem with it, thats a huge red flag. Being transparent about your needs and boundaries is a great way to weed people like that out of your life.
If you have any kind of chronic illness or disability, remember that you probably have a very warped judgement of what is “reasonable” to endure in terms of pain, fatigue, burnout, etc.
You didn’t ask for this, you don’t deserve this, there is no reason you should have to bear the weight of it alone. I bet if someone else was in your position, you wouldn’t mind helping accommodate for them?
Low energy days are truly sacred, take them seriously. Please respect your body’s signals. “If you do not choose times to rest, your body will choose for you” or however the saying goes
It is so much pressure to have to deliberate what sacrifices are necessary for proper self care. Give yourself extra credit for having to deal with that stress on top of whatever is putting you in that position in the first place. Thats a lot at once
You are leading by example and showing others that you would never expect them to hurt or overextend themselves for your benefit. Putting yourself first always inspires other to do the same.
Please be proud of yourself for even considering canceling and putting your needs first. That is so strong of you <3
i really wish that ehlers-danlos syndrome wasn't basically just thought of as the "bendy" disorder. firstly, there are more than 13 types of eds, and they all have varying relations to and degrees of hypermobility. secondly, eds are a collection of congenital connective tissue disorders - connective tissue makes up a vast majority of your body and, because of this, eds, hsd, and other congenital connective tissue disorders like loey-dietz, marfans, stickler syndrome, and osteogenesis imperfecta are multi systemic.
having eds or another connective tissue disorder is SO much more than just some flexibility and it's especially frustrated that they're often thought of solely in relation to that one aspect of them because it leads a lot of people down the path of misdiagnosis.
as an advocate and educator regarding ctds and especially eds, i have spoken to SO many people who simply wrote the possibility of them having a ctd like ehlers-danlos off simply because they aren't flexible. it's such a dangerous misconception and really frustrating to see especially given the fact that the muscles of hypermobile people often overcompensate to make up for joint laxity, which can actually lead to a lack of flexibility/high tone/spasticity
so yeah, tl;dr: if you have a bunch of multisystemic symptoms that seem largely unconnected, look into connective tissue disorders. they're much more common than people think, frequently go under the radar, and can really wreck havoc on your body - ESPECIALLY when you aren't aware that you have one
Fatigue feels like you have sandbags tied to your feet while trying to walk. It feels like you haven’t slept in weeks. It feels like gravity is pulling you down. It feels like cotton balls are in your head, clouding everything.
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