((I don’t normally reblog shit like this, but I’ve been saying all of this for so long and it’s just so true. When I first discovered Homestuck, I immediately felt a deep connection to Gamzee because I understood what he was going through, how it is to just be utterly fucking shit on by every goddamn person who claims to be your friend, to be torn down for everything including your very fucking faith, to come home to a house that doesn’t care, and to try to seek comfort in something, anything, even if it fucks with your head because it’s all you’ve got. And then, on top of all of it, to have everyone talk about how you’re the monster when you finally get to the breaking point, when all those motherfuckers finally push you over the cliff they’ve been shoving you towards for so long and to say you’re the fucking asshole, you’re the badguy, for going over.
I don’t have words to describe how much it fucking rips my shit to see people describe Gamzee as an irredeemable monster because GOD FUCKING DAMN IT THAT JUST ISN’T TRUE AND THAT ISN’T HOW PEOPLE WORK. And to anyone who wants to step up with that argument, I fucking DARE YOU to live that life and come out still talking shit.
And don’t even get me fucking started because let me tell you after all the shit he went through it is nothing short of a goddamn miracle he made it as far as he did without a complete nuclear fucking meltdown. He took it, he took everyone’s shit for so fucking long and it took a literal supernatural force to push him over the edge. Do you have any semblance of a clue what kind of mental fortitude he must’ve had to last that long?
Oh, and to those of you who want to put Karkat up on a High Horse in the same breath you curse Gamzee: fuck you. There is no word in our language for how much I despise you. Karkat was no better than any other motherfucker when it came to treating Gamzee like complete fucking garbage, and when you say “Oh but Karkat never killed anyone”, wrong. He sent Equius to kill Gamzee, when he was a mixture of too much of a cowards and not enough of a friend to go after him himself.
And what ends the rampage? What brings Gamzee back from the edge of the abyss? A shoosh and a pap from someone he cared about. Because you know what? When you’re in that situation, when you’re off the fucking deep end because everyone hates you and everyone treats you like shit forever and wishes you were gone and even the person you care most about wants you dead and just FUCK IT ALL, that simple gesture, just to be told you’re cared for, even once, just to know someone, anyone, gives a holy motherfuck what happens to you, THAT’S ALL IT TAKES. THAT’S ALL YOU NEED.
So what happens then? Well after being shunned by everyone AGAIN, he starts to lose it again. He seeks comfort in ways that, in a delirious and fucked up state of a broken mind make sense at the time (because that’s what you fucking do when that happens), and oh, here comes Terezi. She makes him think that maybe there’s hope yet, so they hook up. Let me tell you why that’s fucked up. She should have known, and I’m fucking certain she did and just didn’t give a shit, that he was just not capable of a healthy relationship. After all he’d been through, you’d either have to be REALLY FUCKING STUPID or a GIANT ASSHOLE to remain blind to that fact. And don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t excuse his actions, but believe me when I tell you this, as someone who speaks from much experience, when you’ve lived a life like that, and suddenly someone shows you some kind of affection, shows you love, you want to give them everything you have, and you become incredibly attached to the point that it can be suffocating at times.
The other problem with it is that, in a situation like that, you can be incredibly abusive without realizing it. You can be emotionally manipulative and extremely draining, but you don’t understand what you’re doing wrong. You genuinely want things to be good, and when they’re not, you honest to fucking god have no idea why. It’s just how it goes. It’s not an excuse, but it’s how it fucking works, and here’s the kicker: IT CAN BE FIXED IF YOU GIVE A SHIT ENOUGH TO TRY. Again, speaking from experience, It’s not super difficult to fix things, to fix yourself and get the relationship into a healthy sort of way if you want to TRY. But it’s Gamzee, so NOBODY WANTED TO TRY, they’d rather just sit around and call him an asshole for shit that A) They were the root of, and B) He doesn’t even really understand is wrong at this point.
Now imagine, if you will, that after all this, you get it explained to you that you have a chance to be something good, to be a HERO, by serving your “RIGHTEOUS LORD”. It sounds like a pretty fucking sweet deal, so that’s what he does. And who’d have thought? He takes Caliborn’s shit too. But he still serves with a bright fucking smile because at this point being abused and beat down and shit on is all he knows, so might as well serve his Lord for that chance to be good while he’s at it. BUT HERE COMES ARANEA. She hijacks his mind and makes him her slave, and when he wakes up, what’s going on? Terezi, the girl he actually probably cared a lot about despite not being MENTALLY FUCKING CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING WHY THINGS WENT WRONG, was there in front of him STABBING HIM TO DEATH. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like the grounds for a fucking emotional breakdown of a pretty high caliber.
So he fucks her up, for only the second time in his life getting to get just a little of that sweet revenge on the motherfuckers that shit on him for years and years, and here comes “best friend” with two sickles. Fucks him up just the same, because remember here, KARKAT IS NO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, before Kanaya saws him in half. The Fandom goes apeshit off the fucking walls because oh the psycho monster is finally gone. FUCK. THAT.
So in motherfucking conclusion, don’t ever try to come up to me with the argument that Gamzee is an irredeemable piece of shit, because while he’s done some real bad shit, he is not a bad person, and again, I fucking DARE YOU, FULL OPEN FUCKING CHALLENGE, to live a life like that, like his or mine, and come out the other end without having done QUITE A FUCKING BIT that you regret WHOLE HEARTEDLY and for the REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE. Pro tip: YOU FUCKING CAN’T.))
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