I'm just a depressed asshole

Please correct me if my gramma is really bad

[sadsghostclub]

I would text you first but what if I annoy you?

[snake-habitat1]

“do you want to talk about it?”

no, i want to kill myself because of it.

[nicoinfarbe]

That moment when you feel so numb you wanna hurt yourself just to feel something

[sad-empty-lost]

I just want to do is cut myself again because I am alone, lonely and deserve it

[nicoinfarbe]

I'm Fighting against this urge

[sadandsmilling]

A part of suicidal ideation or self harm no one talks about is the numbness to the subject that comes with it. I sit and scroll through pages and pages of cries for help, suicide notes and plans and feel nothing. No worry, no concern, no crushing feeling in my chest. Nothing. Those familiar feelings are now replaced with a strange familiarity, a kind of comfort that it’s not just me.

Fuck. When did it get to this

[nicoinfarbe]

Me right now

[nicoinfarbe]

Do you know the feeling when you wanna cry your soul out but can't because no tears come out and you are lying there and hope that this gonna stop because you are so tired of this shit?

[sa-dnesss]

nothing,nowhere. - giles corey

[nicoinfarbe]

Basically I fucking hate living.

I don't hate my life it's okay but I hate to be alive

[nicoinfarbe]

In the last weeks I realized that I'm feeling no emotions, I'm not happy, I'm not sad I don't wanna die idont wanna live. I just exist and I hate it I wanna feel something don't mind what it is but being numb is worse than feel sad, depressed, whatever

[nicoinfarbe]

I hate my body bc I always ignore my mental health and that I'm feeling bad and then my body comes and says " hey you don't hear on your psych so I'm gonna make you feel terrible

[nicoinfarbe]

Do you ever realized that no-one is interested in you anymore because you are burden to everyone?

[nicoinfarbe]

I'm on the edge to kill myself and nobody notice it

[nicoinfarbe]

This moment when you are on your way to work and you fight with tears because everything is coming back and you don't know how long you can hold your feelings back.

It's not that I have to work that hurt me so much. No, I love my job. No it's just the feeling that you know it's getting harder and harder to look happy although you are dead on the inside.

I'm proud of my bod for not doing what that what you brain said to you. Like accidenty drive on the street where the LKWs are driving so I'm free from my suffer.

[nicoinfarbe]

I think it's funny that I waited for my days off from work because it was really stressful, we had much to do and not enough time and people to do the tasks but now I'm home like nearly the hole day doing nothing and I think it's better for me to be stressed and tired when I get home because I just sleep without really thinking about everything. It's like I'm to tired to think really long about my personal situation and the situation of the world that I'm feel better when I'm stressed as if I have time to think.

Because I feel more tired then ever without the thing that sleep is helping me. I hate that I have to be stressed to function correctly without the permanent thought of suicide.

I miss the times where I was happy doing nothing where I could lay in bed all day watching Netflix and don't be sad about my fucking head and what my thoughts are doing with me.

With this new lockdown I really hope it's not gonna be like the last time because I was to depressed to have sex and when this happens I know I'm on the edge to suicide because I feel guilty to my partner not to have the motivation to do anything beside lay in bed and be depressed or drink a lot of alcohol till I black out

I hope someone understand this...

[nicoinfarbe]

I miss the times where I were truly happy I don't even not the last time where my all of my thoughts were positive like in my childhood. I can think of times were I felt good but I always have that little voice back in my head that tells my I'm not worth it and that I just waste the time of everyone I know.

[imalreadyadeadbitch]

I feel like no one would notice if I stopped reaching out, stopped putting in effort, and stopped trying. I could disappear like I never existed.

[nicoinfarbe]

I think I'm doing it right now

[kikagrny]

“I have been falling apart for months and everyone thinks I’m doing fine.”

—

[nicoinfarbe]

Feel this one. Today was the first time my best friend notices that it's getting worse. We don't see each other often or text much so it's not his fault