The last time I was genuinely happy was in the summer of 2021.
My grandad called me and told me to come outside so he could buy me some ice cream. We stood there discussing what I was planning to do in Odesa, and he joked about our grandmother being a hard woman to live with, but we loved her nonetheless. Five days later, I would lose him. Six months later, the full-scale invasion would start. Nothing would ever be the same again.
That could've been you in Bucha, you know that? they didn’t choose who to kill, they killed everyone on their path? Your luck, then, that you were born in the western part of the country. The only thing you lost are your childhood memories of Crimea, Melitopol, and Zatoka, not your home. But the war continues: your flat could still become the final destination of a hypersonic missile. Don't forget it. Hopefully, you won't hear the siren that night and will die in your sleep. Hopefully, they will find the remains. Hopefully, it will be the entire family, so you won't suffer without each other. Because at the end of the day, your death would mean nothing but pain for your loved ones. The world will keep on spinning; missile parts will be sent to Russia. People will still pity the Russians, but they won't pity you or your family.
Suddenly, you realize that you no longer believe in what you believed before. Do you believe in something good? Well, your small, naive inner child is still alive then. Barely. What? You thought those institutions were meant to maintain peace? That's funny. Probably, that peace is more needed in expensive restaurants hundreds of kilometers away from the frontline.
I genuinely don't know why I'm writing this post again. Is it to be seen by the same 10 people? I know they feel the same. We just sit here together, slowly going mad, hoping someone will finally react. Maybe someone who reblogs your fandom post will find some sympathy. But sympathy is not what I need; I want to be heard.
Fuck you watched "Don't Look Up" with an ironic smile on your lips. And now, you are the main character.
All of you here preach about giving voice to the oppressed, but are you really doing it? The moment you become uncomfortable, it suddenly becomes not your business - "keep ___ out of politics." God, I would've loved that. I would've loved to not know anything. Not to know the names of military equipment. Not to understand that your life can literally depend on the presidential election in a completely different country.
I'm so tired of fighting for my right to be heard. I'm so tired of having to prove my right to live, to speak my own language. "Your country doesn't exist," "Your language is artificial; speak human (Russian)." Don't be too emotional. Don't hate Russians. Don't wish them anything bad. Don't open your mouth. Don't call out organizations. Just shut the fuck up or die.
No one will care if the biggest country in Europe disappears. No one will care if millions die. If your culture will finally be dealt with, if Russia will finally succeed in doing so. A thousand years of history can burn down in just one night. No one will bat an eye.
The world will keep on spinning.
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