Internet Adventures

I'm a ninja. And also a Jedi.

[doctorslippery]

Shaggy's spidey sense went off at the mention of Bat Milk.

[valleyhowler]

There are hardly any female werewolves because they break all the classic rules of femininity. They force you to confront female violence, strength, size, grotesqueness and uncontrollability. Historically female shapeshifters always shift into something dangerous (snake) or sleek (cat) or dainty (bird) but female werewolves ignore the masculine gaze completely. They're distorted beasts that have no ulterior motive except to destroy. Nothing about them is nurturing or modest. They're the opposite of what a woman "should be." Their omission from pop culture is not an accident.

[deadbirdlife]

Today my Advanced Clinical Pathology professor trailed off in the middle of class and said, “If I seem distracted, it’s because last night I was talking with a friend and she asked ‘Who’s that chick in Titanic?’ but all I heard was ‘Chicken Titanic,’ and ever since then I’ve been thinking about a chicken on the bow of the Titanic like Kate Winslet, wings held high. It’s all I can think about.”

[deadbirdlife]

My hand moved on its own

[magicratfingers]

so rare and beautiful when the art is exactly the image u saw in your mind

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

BRING HIM BACK

[wittywallflower]

my dream job? cloudwatcher.

Not for science or anything. Just watchin’ em.

[wittywallflower]

$50 an hour starting wage and I get every clear-sky day off.

[wittywallflower]

my résumé

[overseer-picard]

It’s difficult to fully articulate the hold that Patrick Stewart had on audiences when TNG was airing. Between the hundreds of magazine covers, the talk show circuits, and the paparazzi nonsense, the amount of baldness puns editors were compelled to create was astounding.

It was like the media fixated on this man because he had catastrophic levels of charisma and audiences were losing their minds over him (TNG was regularly beating network shows in ratings), yet he was so far removed from the narrow Hollywood standards of beauty that it vexed and haunted these people for years.

Baldness was a joke in Hollywood. 75% of George Costanza's identity revolved around bald jokes. If you were a bald actor, you were cast as a villain or a buffoon, never the hero. And if you were losing your hair, you had to slap a wig on or risk losing your career. Yul Brynner was somewhat of an exception but he was from a much different generation of Hollywood and even Bruce Willis didn't fully shave his head until 1994 (post TNG success incidentally).

In Patrick Stewart's case, there was often an undercurrent of snide putdowns with many interviewers, drawing focus to his baldness over and over and over again with low hanging jokes. It was like you could see their vanity-based paradigms cracking in real time and it was strange to witness. Imagine how bizarre it would be if talk show hosts today could only ask The Rock, Vin Diesel, or Jason Statham about their bald heads.

But karma swooped in to the rescue. In 1992 Stewart was voted TV Guide's "Sexiest Man on Television" with a whopping 54% of votes. He beat out the likes of Luke Perry, John Corbett, A. Martinez, and even Burt Reynolds (with a total of 20 contenders).

The middle-aged bald guy in the syndicated sci-fi show beat out the hottest of the Hot Guys™️ and it wasn't even remotely close.

^ Bald joke

So yeah, today he's an old, revered thespian who is occasionally Charles Xavier, but not only did Patrick Stewart pave the way for other bald actors to be considered leading men, he discombobulated Hollywood with his unconventional attractiveness and it was amazing.

[beardycarrot]

Don't forget that he originally auditioned for TNG with a wig on, and the executives were sold on his performance... but then swooped into the dressing room right after so they could see him without it. They wanted to see for themselves how authoritative yet approachable he came across with his natural bald head.

Now, I don't actually know which wig it was that he auditioned with... he apparently got The Wig Mandate last-minute, so his wife had to pick one out from one of the plays he had recently acted in. Rumor has it that it was the wig he wore in "I, Claudius".

...But this is the image usually associated with the story:

I've heard people claim that they decided to let him go without a wig because they just couldn't arrive at anything that looked natural, or that they didn't want to deal with having to put the main character in a wig every day. These people are obviously just making stuff up without actually thinking very deeply about it; for every single scene featuring Worf, who appears in all but four episodes of TNG, Michael Dorn had to be fitted with a latex forehead and makeup, a wig, and fake facial hair.

The reality is that Patrick Stewart looked perfect as-is, and it sent a strong message. In a near-utopian, post-scarcity society, in which you can do whatever you want to do, be whoever you want to be, and look however you want to look... some people choose to be bald.

[fishing-princess]

For thousands of years humanity has selectively bred chickens to have larger breasts and to have to lay eggs constantly. We did it to get more meat and per chicken, but from the perspective of the domesticated chickens they’re sorta living in a very specific fetish scenario

[aliceoverzero]

The first tags I see on this are absolutely inspired. Incredible pervert lesbian website.

[heinousier-bitch]

Strong contender for most depressing thing Charlie Brown has ever said

[romanceyourdemons]

whenever i look into a historical monarch who doesn’t get talked about much and is just kind of a blank spot in my understanding of the historical narrative, 95% of the time what i find is pure white hot blistering capability. a pencil pusher for the ages. a 39 year reign with no more than three hours of sleep a night. there aren’t any good stories from his reign because he systematically caught and stopped all catastrophic good stories before they could start. you shrimply must respect it

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Me: I don't know. I just don't think there's much comedic potential to the idea of a "pizza samurai"

PIzza Samurai, entering physical existence due to the sheer willpower which I still spend thinking about him: I will defeat you with my New York Style martial arts Pepperōnin, also real now: Prepare to get sliced

[maureen2musings]

Evening light, Mt. Rainier

tano_films

[dosmeow]

I’ve been seeing a lot of Scooby Doo on my dash lately. My friend discovered what he describes as “Shaggy eviscerating an ape”

[grapnel]

An example of why one should use the Oxford comma.

[hollowmaison]

[hateusandseeifwemind]

[pinene]

Can anyone explain wtf is going on here especially a Korean speaker

[tadeadshihamurder]

someone on reddit explained 😭

[no-one-offical]

‎

[desmolbean404]

That is one of the most astronomical fuck up translations I have ever seen.

[friendlyfreakazoid]

Every episode Xena’s like “Gabrielle I’m putting you in danger. You need to stay behind. You’re the only thing in the world I care about, I couldn’t bear for anything to happen to you.” and Gabrielle is like “Xena I could never leave you. My world revolves around you and I’m completely devoted to you forever. I’m staying by your side.” And then Xena does a bunch of backflips and immediately kills the bad guy by kicking him in the crotch

[lawoftheclaw-deactivated2025073]

🕯️my future employer will not find my balatro porn repository 🕯️

🕯️i am a qualified candidate regardless of my collection of balatro porn🕯️

🕯️even if my balatro porn is discovered, the dedication and ingenuity i alone can bring to any prospective employer's team will outweigh any perceived transgressions🕯️