Current Invader Zim Trash

Dude, I'm just some weirdo on the Internet. That's it.

[haminjago]

silly drunk toshi

[191195-deactivated20240210]

im crying so hard

[theconcealedweapon]

[three-blogs-in-a-trenchcoat]

Holy shit I did not realise this before. The only way a woman could sleep her way to the top is if the people on the top reward sexual favours more than actual qualifications.

But, y'know, it's her fault...

[noire-pandora]

A simple reminder you are free to unfollow me/block me if you feel like my presence on your dashboard is bothering you.

I promise I won't call you out for that, I won't make vague posts about it or pop in your DMs to ask you why.

You are free to curate your experience and if my presence muddles your experience, please unfollow/block me without fear. I promise I won't come after you.

[barbex]

I would like to also participate in this simple reminder. I do not look who follows or unfollows me and I don’t take it personally if someone unfollows. I follow and unfollow people all the time, it’s how I adjust my feed. That’s what the method is for.

[everythingfox]

Baby otter first time in the water

[blackpyrefly]

kity

[mite75]

[everythingfox]

Sneaky boy

[the-chibster]

Disney couldn’t make expressive lions in 2019 but Happy Feet managed realistic AND expressive penguins (and they have BEAKS) in 2006.

[luventi]

PLEASE STOP USING NSFR IN YOUR TAGS/POSTS/BIOS !!!!!!

a muslim person did not start this!! by tagging your drink, food, cursing, and music posts you are heavily patronizing us and taking away the entire point of our ramadan!! please stop!

it is on us to resist any urges, most of us have been fasting since we were children we do not need this warning and we have told non muslims this repeatedly! “not safe for ramadan” itself just sounds so weird and very rude, even if you do not mean it in that way. this entire thing reeks of performative activism.

if you are going to be tagging your nsfw then tag it with “nsfw” or a personalized tag like you do all the other months of the year, non muslims do this every year and it’s just useless to us! again! non muslims please stop speaking for us and educating others about our religious holiday, we get your intentions are good but you are heavily miss informing others about our holiday! thank you but please listen to us on this!

it will not break our fast if we see food, drink, accidentally hear music, accidentally see a curse word, or accidentally see something explicit! it will not! please just listen to us. most of us are not even online for the majority of the month, the entire point is to be closer to God and our religion! why would we be wasting time on the internet?

if you want to be actual allies then consider spreading the word about the hijab ban in france where girls under the age of 18 will not be allowed to wear the hijab! thank you!

[iicarys]

straight man: *speaks*

me and the only other gay person in class:

[mexicanjesuschrist-deactivated2]

[stimman4000]

.

[cipheramnesia]

good luggage goes in the fun bubble

[floweramon]

When I was in college, my Stage Craft teacher showed us this.  Basically the machine heats up a sheet of plastic, and once it’s malleable enough it’ll be blown up to make room for whatever you want to imprint in the plastic.  Once it’s in place, the air reverses and the plastic vacuum-sucks all around the object.  

He demonstrated it on a baby doll and it was like a baby had been frozen in carbonite.  I got to take it home and I still have frozen-carbonite-baby to this day (his name is Franklin XD)

[reximus44]

[galsinspace]

The baby has been posted here

[totallynotagentphilcoulson]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[lagonegirl]

Super fucked up! wtf is wrong with these people?  #IamWithMili!

What is every little girl supposed to have long hair in a ponytail? So happy to see all of the support going her way.

[sonneillonv-deactivated20220218]

Everybody remembers that we absolutely knew this would happen, right?

Like, trans people predicted this from the start. Everyone was SO SURE they could identify us on sight, and we said “If you run with that assumption you’re going face-first into a goddamn wall” and here we go.

[mockiatoh]

The bar for gender presentation is so much higher for children of color too. We’ve been saying that this transphobic hatred would simultaneously reinforce whiteness.

[kaity--did]

Y’all being pregnant while moving into a new house is BUCKWILD

My husband is an intelligent man, but he has gotten in his head that if I lift one box I will PERISH

[kaity--did]

Here is the problem in a nutshell

Would I love to let my husband do everything? Of course?

But this absolute GIANT of a man after TEN YEARS together still has no spatial awareness and NO AWARENESS that his a A FOOT AND A HALF taller than me. If he is left to put thing away, he will do so diligently but he PUTS EVERYTHING ON THE TOP SHELF and my TINY TREX ARMS CAN NOT MAKE THAT TRIP

[kaity--did]

I threw out my back and he’s now convinced that it’s his fault for letting me carry paper plates in the house my self and that he’s going to be a terrible father

This man has a LAW DEGREE and is a PRACTICING ATTORNEY

[kaity--did]

“You have two skeletons inside you right now that is double the amount I have. You are my sweet special Eldritch Horror” - My Husband

Thanks I think?

[kaity--did]

“It’s insane that we just made a person! I’ve never even met a baby before what do I say?!”

Not worried about diapers here folks, just first impressions

[kaity--did]

“I’m going be be a dad which is just buckwild. I have your pregnancy checklist but here is my fatherhood check list

1. I need a riding lawn mower

2. I need a white tank top

3. I need a beer, particularly an amber colored one

4. I need a book of puns

5. I need a baby back pack to carry said baby

6. I want my own diaper bag, and I want it to be STYLISH

Kait are you writing this down this is important?”

[kaity--did]

Me: a lot of people on the internet are calling you a himbo, would you like to respond?

Husband: I am often very dumb, and I do drink the respect women juice like fine wine, however I am not very strong, and I just don’t know if I can accept this title if I do not meet all the qualifications

Me: I don’t know, you lifted all those boxes on your own

Husband: this was simply DAD ENERGY

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[kaity--did]

I can not with this fool

[catgirlnailpolish]

literally marry him

[kaity--did]

I have great news my friend

[404computerhamstersnotfound]

marry him again

[kaity--did]

I’ve read him some of these replies and he got very upset and yelled (which if you know my husband is barely over a whisper) “I CANT MARRY YOU ANY HARDER I KNOW IVE GOOGLED IT MANY TIMES”

Y’all I’m obsessed with this idiot

[kaity--did]

Everybody wants a himbo husband until you get this text at 6am

Why was he locked outside again? Cause he won’t let the dog “pee alone in the dark Kait, that’s inhumane” 🤦‍♀️

[kaity--did]

Me: People on the internet like you babe

Husband: people on the internet like what you put about me on the internet. If they were actually here they would probably find all of this (gestures to himself wildly) pretty much exhausting

Y’all he’s not wrong 😂

[natalieironside]

I don't like the current trend of making fun of the concept of DNIs in people's Tumblr bios because "shitty people aren't going to pay attention to those."

Throwing up a flag that says "you are not welcome here" is actually a very powerful act when you've got enough people doing it at the same time? I do want Nazis and TERFs and what have you to have to look at a personalized "go fuck yourself" when they visit somebody's blog. Because those little bits of alienation definitely do add up over time.

As a personal anecdote: So I used to be in a racist cult back in my early 20s? Yeah, it was super fucked up, I don't like talking about it anymore. But getting out of that situation was hard because it cost me basically all my friends (cults are fun like that). And then, when the dust settled, one of the biggest contributing factors to me deciding I should work on myself and be a better person was indeed the fact that I had no friends and everyone hated me.

[natalieironside]

Y'know that feeling of smug satisfaction when you see a racist meme or a queerphobic tirade cross your dash and you go to OP's blog and it's full of posts about how lonely they are, all with 0 notes? This breeds that.

[hadrosaurs-deactivated20210420]

Yeah same a lot of these people are constantly whining about how they are on so many do not interacts and yeah they don’t pay attention to them always but they interact knowing that they only have one chance before they get blocked

[marzipanandminutiae]

Favorite Things I’ve Read In The Letters of This One Specific Family, 1790-1821 (paraphrased)

“We’re engaged now and setting out on the sea of life together in our little raft.” dude you’re both rich as Midas. you’re setting out together in a yacht, minimum

Increasing amounts of “per my last email” in letters between Husband and Father-In-Law discussing Wife’s income from the family fortune

Husband: “HAVE YOU HAD THE BABY YET I’M SO WORRIED I WADED THROUGH A FLOOD TO GET TO THE POST OFFICE”

Husband: “Get the baby a suit of armor or I’m sure to crush her with hugs when I get home”

Wife: “Teenage Daughter, could you send me my gold lamé turban?”

I sat there staring into space mouthing “what” for like a solid minute

I want to see this hat SO BADLY

Husband: “Son was firing his toy cannon at my office door, so I had to sally forth and valiantly seize the enemy munitions!”

Teenage Daughter: “My friend and I had our mutual admirer guess which of us had made which pudding to win a pair of gloves from one of us.”

Wife quotes Byron NONSTOP

Wife: “Fuck slave-owners and fuck the Missouri Compromise.”

Yes, they were abolitionists

Yes, they actually did treat their servants well and pay them fairly

Husband: “That old widow I rent to is behind with her payments, but don’t evict her because that would be inhumane, especially since it’s winter.”

Husband: “Wife, remember to wear your flannel petticoats to stay warm- and so I can take them off you when I get home.”

Also Husband, not paraphrased: “How close I should lie to you and how hard I should love you if I were there.”

WONDER WHY THEY HAD 11 KIDS

Husband: “On our tenth anniversary, I just wanted to say that you’re as beautiful to me as always and I love you the most that anyone has ever loved anyone else in the history of the world.”

Wife: “Hi yes I also love you the most that anyone has ever loved anyone else in the history of the world.”

Wife: “My handwriting sucks and I’ve burned three attempts at this letter already but HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS AWESOME TREE I SAW BESIDE THE ROAD YESTERDAY”

Husband makes so. many. puns. Help.

Wife: “Send two or three pounds of the best chocolate you can find, please.”

Husband: “We have ice cream with dinner every day here- don’t be jealous!”

Husband: “Young Adult Daughter, I wrote a poem about your rejected suitors. Here it is.”

Unfortunately I cannot remember the poem at the moment. But there was a part like, “And as for Frank Lyman/He’ll never be my man.”

Just roasting a bunch of young men with surnames you now see on Boston street signs

To Be Continued.

[flyawaymind]

op please post the husband’s puns. I need them for reasons.

[marzipanandminutiae]

the best one I can recall is his Sick Burn™ at a fellow Massachusetts congressman after said colleague made a stupid mistake

the man’s name was Salem Towne. yes, really. Husband said that his parents were a few miles off when they named him

“They called you Salem Towne, but they should have called you Marble Head [Marblehead being a town near Salem].”

Badum-tss

[dnds]