not just a hopeless avo

~let me live my life of cringe in peace babes~

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[mizuthe-dog]

There’s a gimmick blog right behind me with a gun to my head

[typo-spotter]

This post does not contain typos!

Of course, it is still incorrect, so how about I fix the error!

"There's a gimmick blog right behind me…"

Should be:

"There are gimmick blogs right behind me…"

[mizuthe-dog]

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[ominous-signs]

Calling all gimmick blogs

[eggblackoutpoetry]

“Egg”

[the-spam-specialist]

WHOSE BLORBO'S DEAD NOW

This is for all the people who laughed at us Caine fans after Episode 8

[johannestevans]

Children near a magical wood catching bugs and their family are like. Please do not catch pixies and small fae and bring them into our home. They are sentient and they are intelligent

And the kids are like "but they get into our bug traps" and "we didn't catch him he followed us home"

And their parents are like. Please i do not believe that 6 fucking pixies smuggled themselves into our garage on the underside of your bicycle saddle and then set up shop in the old dolls house. These are living beings they're not toys it's not kind to treat them like this

And the kids are like we are NOT treating them like anything you said we're not allowed to trap them and they always get into our traps so we always run away when they see us and then they follow us and get inside our backpacks and stuff

And the parents are like

Stop lying!!!

And then they set up wildlife cams and not only can pixies apparently do all of that and are very desperate to hang out with these human kids (who have fun life-sized toys and are covered in wonderful things like glitter and are a free source of fresh bugs and pop tart crumbs)

But they can also like. Fully just pick locks and shit.

Setting up little cameras and having to come to terms with the fact that not only are these small fae initiating every interaction with the kids but have also taken their cat's side in the war against pigeons and keep riding it into battle

[doccyuk]

The fae quickly realise the camera is a camera, and just as quickly invent silent movies

Each intertitle card has been crafted from words cut out of other writing, so a piece of paper looking like a ransom demand states "BuT Hoo wil SAVE the Dams3l?" is pulled away to reveal a doll tied to train tracks

[fellator]

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

[orcboxer]

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

[not-sir-avo]

The Wind Shall Have Me

Do not let me go gently into the night in a bed of satin

Do not let my flesh melt and my bones whiten, my skin fall and eyes sink

Do not let my body lie asleep, arranged in a position I would never have chosen, to decay and mummify

Do not confine me to a coffin of solitude, alone and cold and damp

Do not let me stagnate in a plot to one day be left forgotten

Let me burn in the passion of life

Return to dust and ash and atoms

Let me fly with the birds, to be carried in the wind

Let me travel the stars and oceans and earth

Let me be sent off by hands that loved me rather than found and moved by indifferent fingers

To be poked and prodded and speculated over once found by future minds

To have assumptions made of and life reduced to a tale for the masses

Let me have lived and loved and spread across the land

Let me not be bone unloved and numbered

[q-soc-official]

is that a compass in your pocket or is your dick pointing true north

[the-haiku-bot]

is that a compass

in your pocket or is your

dick pointing true north

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

to briefly revisit my decade old Labyrinth hyperfixation, I think it would be neat if Sarah grows up, has a teenage daughter who finds her book and while in a pissy mood wishes goblins would take her mother away

just imagining Sarah freaking the fuck out, taking the extremely limited amount of time she knows she has left to load up her confused daughter with all of the iron jewellery she never usually takes off, peppering her with instructions not to eat ANY of the food and vague warnings about illusions in the walls

and then suddenly before she knows it her mother is just gone, and she's being told by a strange glittery man that she must begin her own journey through the Labyrinth to find her mother

the funniest part however would be Jareth finishing his spiel to the daughter and returning to his castle to properly greet his new hostage with no fucking clue who he just snatched, and finds to his surprise and horror a Too Old For This Shit Sarah absolutely rampaging through the halls threatening to tear down his entire world all over again if he doesn't take her back to her daughter right the fuck now

I can't decide which is funnier, the tale ending with Jareth lobbing Sarah at her daughter before she even gets one foot into the Labyrinth and fucks them off home immediately, or the daughter completing her shockingly easy journey through the Labyrinth only to find her mother sitting in the king's throne with a dazed Jareth under her heel and terrified goblins waiting on her hand and foot

[inconsistentwriter]

Genius.

[lavenderprose]

I love how some fics are called shit like "They Only Shoot The Birds Who Cannot Sing" and it's like the most insane porn you're ever read and then some fics are called Spit On Me and it's 18,000 words of the most achingly id-scratching prose you've ever read and they're both. They're both so fucking good. thank God for fanfiction.

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[freesiadotcom]

*trying not to doxx myself* shoutout to that one thing in a place somewhere

[fruitviking]

Can we stop with the character development. Where's my beach episode.

[scarymonsters-andsupercreeps]

I’ve had enough

[feldfrog]

If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'

[evilwizard]

okay. rude.

[cherries-of-wrath]

hey the terrible part is them only calling you kinda hot, youre a solid 8/10 mate

[sarahmackattack]

I wanted to get a video of this ghost crab but every time I got close to their hole they scuttled back in, so I tried getting clever with it. I made a little sandcastle and shoved my phone into it, hit record, and walked away. Crab was VERY suspicious of this addition to their environment.

[quendergeer]

girl you erected a mysterious black monolith that contained all the knowledge your culture had ever collected were you hoping he'd develop rudimentary tool use