It's Beautiful

My blood is shaken not stirred. Dungeon Master and Dice Enthusiast. (avatar commissioned by allegro-designs)

[winslowat3am]

Fidèle, the most photographed window dog in Belgium 🐾

[occasionalesbianlovermariahcarey]

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

[pinene]

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

[occasionalesbianlovermariahcarey]

you are so beautiful in every way

[pinene]

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible

[error-404-fuck-not-found]

[crazy-brazilian]

[mas-alexander]

The “just a little something for me” sends me every time

[urbxnfxck]

i think of this every time i'm at a urinal. my bf and i don't even have to say it out loud. if we're in a public restroom together we just know

[memewhore]

[shirtsthatgohard]

[mimiadraws]

i’m replaying ocarina of time

[hymnsofheresy]

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

[hymnsofheresy]

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said  “im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

[hymnsofheresy]

the family’s Big Theory about “Mom” is that both my cousin and her wife are referred to as “Mommy” and “Mama.” The nickname “Mom” is not used in the house because it would just be confusing. However, when interacting with the world, people tell their daughter that they will “tell her mom” if she is doing something wrong. so this child automatically assumes there is this greater “Mom” figure that is responsible for distributing universal justice. 

[alexaloraetheris]

To be fair to the toddler, that’s pretty much how religions get started.

[dantescandlestick]

Our Mom, who art gonna hear about this,

[bad-moodboard]

Stone-hewn graves at Heysham, Lancashire. Believed to be 11th Century. 

[jelibaen]

[1dietcokeinacan]

Screeeeching at this meme a girl I went to high school w posted recently

[uncle-worm]

[emmbrr]

flower mouse

this was a piece for peachtober + drawtober 2021 ("tulip" and "clown"), featuring fish inspired by stardew valley

[lousolversons]

this is matt berry’s greatest delivery yet

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

LOVE to cause situations. hate to be near them really. undiagnosable

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

[charlesoberonn]

Lone Wolf by TheImmortalThinkTank (posted with artist permission)

Bonus:

[byjove]

this just in: eating like shit for no reason is bad for you

[byjove]

this just in: diet specifically made for children with untreatable epilepsy is really only good for children with untreatable epilepsy

[nutmeg1993]

[itskarmalone]

For those who are younger than me, or does not know what this is talking about

Behold, Penelope!

[isaliec]

that side eye freeze tho 😂

[mintbees]

okay americans how’d i do

[dr-gloom]

There are so many parts of this that just genuinely brighten my day

[drownedinlight]

I like how the four corners states are the algebra meme

[nyxserpent]

TRI STATE AREA XDDDD