Its Real Kiwi Hours

On all levels except physical, I am the Hawaiian shirt store in that one post bridging the gap between the gays and dads—she/they—27–bi/ace

[batmanshole]

crisp glass of water moodboard

[bold-baddie]

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[muppetshow2026]

all albums are concept albums . and the concept ? album

[badassdemonsword]

You couldnt come up with a jollier name for a bird if you tried

[minmos]

this thang has one of my favorite ebird descriptions of all time

[human-pet-they]

[wishiwasahorse]

[identifying-parrots]

Budgerigar – Melopsittacus undulatus

[armengoldira]

[should-be-sleeping]

Somewhat restrained summer fun.

[were--ralph]

Lesbians

[were--ralph]

clap for lesbians

[p-paradoxa]

[alteredpanel]

dead wife jokes banned in the house due to current events

[ierotits]

I really enjoy the way the spinoff explains things. great journalism

[rabbitkinglune777]

900 COMBAT GRL-EVIL

[rabbitkinglune777]

tgank you for the love on this cool ass girl! she is loved by her mouse bf and kicks ass!!!+;!

[ryebreadgf]

once I snorted a fat line of nuance and everything started depending. watch out

[normystical]

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

[trashyeggroll]

tumblr is great and all but ya’ll are missing the woman in one of my cat fb groups that has birthed her own tier 1 meme

[yellbug]

modesty

[porcyworld]

furiously searching online "what do animals do out in a rainstorm" while it's raining

[porcyworld]

nobody worry too much because they all produce various oils and have different densities of fur to keep them dry and warm as well as seek out shelter under thick vegetation