Suspiciously Gay, as per usual @notsonoblen - Tumblr Blog

I really hate those stupids posts that are like:

“What about REAL monster girls??? Not just weird humans?? like real huge MONSTERS?? With giant sharp claws and big sharp teeth?? Where are those???”

You’re thinking of bestiality. You want to fuck a T-Rex.

justintaco

viewtifulmarkovich

If it passes the Harkness Test, I’m down.

viewtifulmarkovich

For the uninformed:

randomitemdrop

This isn’t an item or even a game mechanic but I think y’all know you need the Harkness Test at some point or another in most campaigns

wumblr

here’s my issue with the harkness test

archdemoning

howtofuckamonster

The takeaway here is that Scoobert Doo is a fuckable monster

bemusedlybespectacled

look, the harkness test isn’t whether a monster is ATTRACTIVE, it’s whether fucking the monster is UNETHICAL. “do I find scooby doo hot?” is a separate question from “IF I find scooby doo hot, would fucking him constitute bestiality?”

felixitas

manstrans

questioning myself after making this

sew-birb

Steve Buscemi was in Spy Kids 2??

evil-cowboy-wizard

That’s your big takeaway from this post??

afieldinengland

prokopetz

Carpenter ants: a known problem with known solutions.

Plumber ants: weird but manageable.

Electrician ants: this is where the trouble starts.

rslashrats

the fact that real people went to dashcon and that they walk among us is terrifying to me

shakuras3nder

Where did you say they were walking?

rslashrats

relelvance

scooplery

Panera has just released a line of swimsuits that say only SOUP in huge letters on them and I thought of you

PANERA? BREAD??

olliums

yeah

https://swimsoups.com

tahthetrickster

dankmemeuniversity

fuck-customers

A lot of them probably wouldn't last at your job

Last year I had an internship at a fancy office during the day, and a food service job at night. One of the ladies at the office told me she needed a part-time job for some extra cash, and I let her know about an opening in my food service job, described what would be expected, all of that.

Guys. She quit after one (1) shift, called me the next day, and ranted, “You never told me it was going to be that hard, is that what you do every night?! I’m not 20 anymore, I’m 50, I can’t believe they only pay you $9.50/hr to do all that work!” [For the record, I had coworkers who were 65+]

She was shocked when I explained that yeah, most food service jobs require you to stock heavy boxes, work the register, and learn to cook/prep food, then clean up before you go home. It never occurred to her that people who “just flip burgers” actually have demanding jobs.

“I’m going to have to be extra nice to those people from now on!” Like yeah, no shit?

jadelyn

I’ve told this story before I’m sure, but when I got my first office job and escaped retail hell, I tended to stay at my desk on my breaks. My manager, well-meaning, passed by and reminded me to make sure I took my breaks and got up and got away from my desk regularly.

I kinda laughed and said “Tanya, I worked retail before this. This entire job is a break, to me. I get to sit down all day. Just let me enjoy that.”

And I still think about it sometimes when I’m in the breakroom in the morning. How I have the unspeakable luxury to take my coffee cup, go to the kitchen, wash the cup out, pour myself a new cup of coffee, chat with coworkers if anyone’s in the breakroom while I’m doing that, and then head back to my desk before I really *start* my day. Without worrying that I’m going to get in trouble or be seen as slacking off. As opposed to the rushed “toss your purse in a locker, clock in, and get out on the floor and start cleaning things/helping customers/fixing signage/etc.” start-of-shift routine from my retail days.

eggscelsior

When I switched from retail to a job that used my degree, I didn’t know what to DO with my suddenly hour-long lunch. I had to un-learn snarfing my food so fast I got hiccups. I slowly realized I had time to *drive* somewhere to get lunch sometimes instead of bringing food from home or walking to the restaurant next door. Everything slows down when you’re not in retail/food industry, and it’s endlessly frustrating how people who never worked it treat those industries as “lazy” and “inferior” and “not a REAL job”. It is, real, HARD, work, and the people in it who aren’t physically ill from stress are superhuman.