I could be reading this whole scene all wrong because the barrier between Akira and Kanata dragged me across the elementary school playground and now I'm losing it but I must write my incoherent thoughts down because I've been thinking about it all weekend.
During this talk, Kanata did what he always does and hid his big emotions behind a smile, but never at any point did I think those feelings were anger or confusion at Akira for the kiss itself but instead jealousy since he thought Akira is with Kanda and was upset about it because even though Kanata didn't want to invite Akira to the movie, I think he didn't want to invite him because he realized he had big gay feelings for his buddy and didn't know how to be normal about it.
So all the questions Kanata asked were about Kanda, but he didn't want to hear the answers because he already told himself that Akira was with Kanda, so if Akira actually confirmed it, Kanata believed he was done for and didn't have a chance with Akira since Akira was having soooo much fun with his older boyfriend who has a job that he didn't even want to say hi to Kanata when he saw him.
Kanata wanted to know how serious Akira was with Kanda since he just realized how big his big gay feelings for Akira was after the kiss yet didn't want to know so he could still believe he had a shot.
But Akira just thought Kanata was trying to figure out if he was disgusting and doing disgusting things because he is gay and thinks Kanata will think he is disgusting when he figures it out, which is why he thought Kanata was trying to steer him away from simply answering the obvious (that he is gay).
Yet the entire time, Kanata was just trying not to get his feelings hurt since he had already wrote a whole narrative of why Akira, who is always so open, would not introduce Kanda, and the story he came up with was that Akira likes Kanda and not him!!!!
AND THAT'S WHY HE SAID "It's okay!" BECAUSE HE THOUGHT AKIRA WAS GOING TO TELL HIM THAT HE WAS DATING KANDA AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO BURDEN AKIRA WITH HIS NEWLY REALIZED GAY FEELINGS!!!!!
So when Kanata got up to leave, Akira thought he was running away because he had realized Akira was gay and liked him, but Kanata was running away because he didn't want to hear that Akira was with Kanda and never liked him.
But Akira was determined to actually say that he is disgustingly gay so Kanata would know and hate him accordingly, and Kanata was trying to smile because he was about to hear the "truth" he knew was coming that his feelings for Akira are one-sided, yet he finally looked at Akira (which Akira had begged him to do earlier but he couldn't because he thought it would be clear that he loved Akira if he looked at) because he wanted to see Akira as he broke his heart.
So he dropped the smile and stopped pretending he was fine only to ask why Akira kissed him, but there was more to this question because Kanata is asking "Why did you kiss me if you don't like me? Why did you kiss me if you like that other guy who is sooo much cooler than me? Why did you kiss me and give me hope?"
BUT AKIRA WASN'T HEARING HIM BECAUSE HE THOUGHT KANATA WILL HATE HIM FOR BEING DISGUSTING AND KISSING HIM!!!!
But Akira's answer made Kanata think Akira was reinforcing that he does not like innocent and naive Kanata because why would an amazing experienced guy like Akira who listens to cool music and has great grades have any interest in a dweeb like Kanata who sucks at school and has a brother who is much better at soccer than he will ever be, so he put back on the smile and asked the final question to really drive the knife into his heart so he could hear what he was avoiding this whole time—Akira does NOT like him and never did!
But then, THEN, instead of Akira saying "yes, I like him and NOT YOU" he said "he likes someone else" (who is his FUCKING BROTHER!!!!)
AND THIS IS WHEN KANATA STARTS HEAVILY CRYING BECAUSE HERE HE IS IN LOVE WITH AKIRA BUT AKIRA IS IN LOVE WITH SOME FUCKING GUY WHO DOESN'T EVEN LOVE HIM WHICH MEANS KANATA IS REALLY DOOMED AND AKIRA WILL NEVER LOVE HIM!!!
Then Akira admitted what he thought was the worst part of it all because he just sleeps with Kanda because they are gay and he felt so lonely and miserable before when his former best friend started hating him for being gay the same way Kanata is going to hate him now that he just needed someone who understood and that person just happened to be his older brother's friend, and now that he has said all that, he can finally say what he needed Kanata to know so he can hate him forever.
But when Akira said Kanda and him were over, Kanata actually looked up (because there is hope!!!!)
THEN AKIRA CONFESSED THAT HE LIKED KANATA WHICH HE BELIEVES WILL BE THE END OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE HE IS GAY AND DISGUSTING AND EVERYONE HATES HIM BECAUSE HIS BROTHER IS BETTER THAN HIM AT EVERYTHING AND EVEN THE GUY WHO WAS FUCKING HIM WANTED HIS BROTHER AND NOT HIM AND HIS FORMER BEST FRIEND HATES HIM NOW BECAUSE HE LIKED HIM SO KANATA WILL ALSO HATE HIM BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS AKIRA!
Kanata was shocked hearing that because there was no way he just heard Akira say he liked him when Kanata had been bracing to hear how Akira never liked him and has a relationship with an older guy this entire time for the whole conversation, so he must have heard wrong because this is all he wanted to hear since he realized he liked Akira but there is no way Akira really likes him.
But before Kanata could get his shit together Akira was apologizing and walking away . . .
And he is going to avoid Kanata because he thinks Kanata hates him for admitting he has big gay feelings for him which Kanata must think is soooo fucking disgusting.
ONLY FOR KANATA TO BE LIKE "I DON'T FIND IT DISGUSTING BECAUSE I ALSO HAVE BIG GAY FEELINGS FOR YOU WHICH IS WHY I WAS FREAKING OUT THAT YOU MIGHT BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE"
Or . . . maybe I read the entire scene wrong.
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