they should have let me try to untangle the gordian knot i think i could do it
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they should have let me try to untangle the gordian knot i think i could do it
month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in
yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second
many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third
Rating All The Dalek Stories By How Much The Titles Have To Do With The Actual Content
"The Daleks" 10/10 Yep that's them.
"The Dalek Invasion of Earth" 8/10 Just a little marked down because the story isn't about the Invasion per se. That already happened. "The Dalek Occupation of Earth" would be more precise.
"The Chase" 9/10 It is about that but that is also a game show.
"The Daleks' Master Plan" 7/10 They're doing a bunch of stuff in this. The title implies only one plan. Need more clarification.
"Power of the Daleks" 10/10 great double meaning
"The Evil of the Daleks" 7/10 not wrong but also any Dalek story could be called this.
"Day of the Daleks" 5/10 There are at least two different days in play in this story.
"Planet of the Daleks" 3/10 That would be Skaro actually, whereas this takes place on Spiridon
"Death to the Daleks" 6/10 I like the imperative voice here but the story fails to deliver on this intention.
"Genesis of the Daleks" 10/10 That is exactly what happens.
"Destiny of the Daleks" 2/10 bears very little relation to anything going on here. Fundamentally a backward-looking story, and these sleepy ramshackle Daleks don't seem destined for much of anything, frankly.
"Resurrection of the Daleks" 2/10 Really misses the mark. There is a resurrection in this story but it's pretty unambiguously not of the Daleks. "Resurrection of Davros" would be a more accurate title. Or even better "The Resurrection of Davros by the Coward Eric Saward"
"Revelation of the Daleks" 2/10 Once again the verb in the title is fulfilled by Davros, not the Daleks! Sure hope someone got fired for that blunder!
"Remembrance of the Daleks" 4/10 Not much better I'm afraid. It is a nostalgic story so Remembrance is at least vaguely relevant, but it's not really the Daleks either being remembered or doing the remembering.
"Dalek" 10/10. Clean, simple, right on the money. That's a Dalek alright.
"Bad Wolf". 3/10 And we whiff it again. While the phrase "Bad Wolf" is indeed central to the cliffhanger reveal, it's not related to the Daleks, or to anything at all. It's a self-fulfilling tautology. The actual words are irrelevant. Could have been anything.
"The Parting of the Ways" 9/10 now this is more like it. Not only are there multiple partings of ways between multiple characters, every atom in every Dalek parts ways from every other! That's so much parting!
"Doomsday" 6/10 Again points off for vagueness. This could be about anything.
"Daleks in Manhattan" 10/10 There they are!
"Evolution of the Daleks" 8/10 doesn't succeed but that is what they're going for
"The Stolen Earth" 9/10 Yep that happens!
"Journey's End" 4/10 Come on. Literally the only person whose "Journey" Ends is Donna and that of course gets reversed. Vague and inaccurate.
"Victory of the Daleks" 5/10 sure they achieve their stayed goal in this one episode but thats pretty well undermined by the fact that nobody likes these Daleks and they get retconned out of existence within a couple years
"Asylum of the Daleks" 9/10 Straightforward. Only knocking a point off because there doesn't seem to be much mental health care going on here
"Into the Dalek" 10/10 that is what happens!
The Magician's Apprentice 4/10 We're stretching here. Name based on a one-time gag and not related to the Daleks anyway
The Witch's Familiar 6/10 this one is set up better but still isn't about Daleks
"Resolution" 7/10 A New Year's Resolution is made! But it's something the Doctor would have done anyway
"Revolution of the Daleks" 0/10 This is complete nonsense. The Daleks are cops and then the other Daleks come in to be cops to the cop Daleks. Nothing is revolutionary about this. Nothing
"Eve of the Daleks" 9/10 Yeah this one works. It's New Year's Eve and there's Daleks.
Holy shit the last Dalek story is from 2022?
*giving you a tour of my tumblr dashboard* well that’s my mutual who posts beatles rpf and that’s my mutual who posts gifs of tv shows i haven’t watched and that’s my mutual who posts pictures of animals frolicking in fields or cool buildings or things like that and that’s my mutual who posts various images of men having sex. sometimes women too
one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.
who else is up permanently feeling like they did something Wrong
Wer den Yuri nicht ehrt, ist des Yaois nicht wert
Ki a yurit nem becsüli, a yaoit nem érdemli
resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that
Recent portraits of cats I painted for people :]
Hello everyone!
My cat portraits are open again.
ETA is 2-5 weeks, earlier if my health permits- first come, first serve. Each digital portraits is 50 usd apiece. Please provide pictures of your cats that show markings or any distinguishing features. ♡
Order here:
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Commission available on Ko-fi.com
MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?
GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.
“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own
CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.
THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-
FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?
THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!
HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.
MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US
WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?
MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”
MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”
Isn’t there anything else you can say?
YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?
THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.
CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.
THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
There. There has to be better options than this.
YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.
MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”
MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.
GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.
MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.
DAMAGED MORALE -4
CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.
SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.
FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.
STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.
THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!
YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”
MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”
CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.
RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.
YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”
MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”
Order 10000 yen worth of tempura
Order 1000 yen worth of tempura
Order 100 yen worth of tempura
YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”
HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.
THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!
MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.
HEALED MORALE +1
RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.
THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.
Thank you.
Why don’t you hate me?
YOU - Why don’t you hate me?
THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.
Thank you.
THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.
hamlet dashboard simulator
😱 elsinore-confessions Follow
widowed queen gertrude is crazyyyyy fine
(submitted-via-anonymous)
364 notes
🏴☠️ tragical-prince-of-denmark
.
#personal #to be or not to be UGH that is the question #like is it nobler in the minds to suffering slings and arrows of outrageous fortune??? #or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them #:( #to die #to SLEEP #no more #and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to #tis a consummation DEVOUTLY to be wished #to die to sleep #to sleep perchance to dream?? #ay THERES the rub #for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil #that gives me pause tbh
2 notes
📚 horatio.the.truant
can we please stop fear mongering and spreading misinformation about what has been going on lately. take it from a wittenberg uni student: there is no such thing as ghosts, and there is not one roaming around elisnore castle. there are literally guards patrolling 24/7. if there were ghosts we would know.
📚 horatio.the.truant
hey guys! so turns out there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy
#actually shaking right now #what the fuck is going on
43,576 notes
👻 ghost.tracker Follow
spotted last night, marcellus and myself, when yond same star that’s westward from the pole had made his course t’illume that part of heaven where it now burns. the bell was then beating one
(submitted-via-bernardo-the-guard-o)
200 notes
😊 average-dane-20 Follow
omg murder of gonzago is touring here this month!! i just got my tickets im SO excited
✉️ im-orsick-of-this
honestly don't get your hopes up about this production. i heard they're changing the whole story around and it's kind of a weird modern retelling :( sounds like it's gonna be a waste of time unfortunately
#i signed an nda at work so i cant really say how i know this #but trust me guys you do not want to be there when this happens
16,312 notes
😱 elsinore-confessions Follow
it's actually so fucked up that people are just on tumblr blogging about how hot they think the queen is. does no one care about the fact that she literally has a son who is probably really uncomfortable seeing these comments on his dash. is anyone thinking about him. does anyone care that he's probably having a really hard time right now
(submitted-via-anoynmous)
#one can literally smile and be a villain in denmark this place fucking sucks
4 notes
🏴☠️ tragical-prince-of-denmark
im actually going to kill my uncle
🏴☠️ tragical-prince-of-denmark
im not joking like im really going to do it
🏴☠️ tragical-prince-of-denmark
guys should i kill my uncle????
yes
no
#FUCK what an ass am i #this is most brave #im literally the son of a dear father murdered #prompted to revenge by heaven and hell #and im out here like a whore unpacking my heart with words #fuck thisssss #hmm ive heard guilty creatures sitting at a play have by the cunning of the scene #been so struck to the soul that they just proclaim their malefactions #👀
10 notes
👴🏻 p0l0nius Follow
goodbye son @ laertes and good luck in paris! the wind sits in the shoulder of your sail and you are stayed for. i send my blessing with thee and these few precepts in thy memory Read more
1 notes
🤺 laertes
au revoir bitches ya boy is on his way to parissss
#FUCK this court #not really sure what is going on here but i am not sticking around to find out lmfao #also does anyone know if the ghost stuff everyone is reblogging is real
498 notes
🧪 not.king.claudius
stop reblogging that post about the king's wedding
okay buckle up because i have been seeing a LOT of people talk about how the timing of the king and queen's marriage after the late king's death was weird. but first of all, the picture that has been going around alleging that they used the same food from his funeral to furnish the wedding feast is NOT real and has been debunked multiple times by @ also-not-king-claudius. so please stop reblogging that. second, i've been seeing posts saying that the late king hamlet was way hotter than claudius (like hyperion to a satyr etc) which is honestly so disrespectful when claudius threw an awesome wedding feast that a lot of you all benefitted from and all king hamlet ever did was wage war on fortinbras. also gertrude and claudius were NOT having an affair before they got married. i dont even know how that rumor got started because there is absolutley no proof. it's incredibly irresponsible to spread rumors like that when they are so destructive and hurtful and i cant believe people never check their sources before reblogging. and btw @/elsinore-confessions is NOT a reliable source. sorry but i will be blocking anyone who reblogs posts claiming there was some kind of affair. anyway i dont know what i expected from this hellsite but tbh it was more than this :/
#claudius was literally just in equal scale weighing dole and delight #but of course thats controversial now #🙄
25,785 notes
🌼 opheliaaaaa
view from my walk this morning!
#nature #flowers #wildlife #aesthetic
1,657 notes
💁🏻♀️ concerned.danish.mom
hey guys. does anyone have tips on how to connect with your teenage son when he keeps accusing you of unchastity and incest :(
422 notes
🌹 rose.n.crantz Follow
yayyyy king claudius gave us free cruise tickets to england
⭐️ youre-looking-guildenstern Follow
it's actually been forever since we hung out with hamlet. this is gonna be so fun
⭐️ youre-looking-guildenstern Follow
does anyone know how to send a distress signal
74 notes
🌄 remembering-denmark-54 Follow
Today we remember Yorick, a former court jester of the late King Hamlet who passed away several years ago. He is now buried in the Elsinore Castle Graveyard, and is remembered as a fellow of most excellent fancy.
🏴☠️ tragical-prince-of-denmark
omg poor yorick :(( @ horatio.the.truant i knew him!!! a fellow of infinite jest
#he hath borne me on his back like a thousand times!! #and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! #my gorge straight up rises at it #here hung those lips that i kissed i know not how oft #where are ur gibes now? #gambols? #songs? #flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?
15 notes
🌼 opheliaaaaa
ummm ok hiiiiii <3
2 notes
👑 young.fortinbras Follow
anyone else been lowkey thinking about invading denmark lately
78 notes
😱 elsinore-confessions Follow
not to insult the crown prince or whatever but does anyone else think he seems like a fucking loser
(submitted-via-anonymous)
9,845 notes
The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
yuh i was there, that's how it happened
i bet it feels good as fuck to feel good
they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of
[actively bleeding out] hold on *coughs* there's a Mountain Goats song about this..... give me my phone. let me just play it for you real *cough* quick
bad media will piss you off good media will heal your soul bad media that couldve been good will ruin your life forever
“bits to use in everyday conversations”