Akatsuki "Official" Blog

[official-akatsuki]

WHY ARE OROCHIMARU AND VOLDOMORT THE SAME PERSON

[thou-can-say-azrail]

Akatsuki Headcanons (i have)

(mostly crack tbh lol)

the matching outfit and manicure was konans idea cause the mental image of the faces s-rank nuke nin would make when told to paint their nails cracked her up sm

they share a hq and no i dont take critisism on this one

deidara is deaf he works with explosions 24/7 and screams at everyone, do i really have to explain (even though the screaming could be because hes a dramatic bitch who cant stfu i love him)

itachi cooks because half of them dont eat/have the ability to cook normal food and the other half can blow up a kitchen while boiling water (take your guess who lol)

kisame can cook but only seafood and after a week of eating what felt like everything that ever existed in all seven seas when itachi couldnt cook for reasons even deidara almost wanted to kiss itachi for taking back cooking duty (not that thats a wide stretch with his gay ass)

hidan and deidara are best friends but they are also annoying the fuck out of each other 

itachi has the worst people judgment ever, once when a woman flirted with him he got really confused because “why does this random woman want to be friends with me so bad? or is it sarcasm? is she insulting me?” (kisame never had more fun) he also thought deidara was straight (i made a whole post cause details)

they have meetings in person in their hq, one of them always has to keep protocol like some kind of pre-schooler during presentations, they destroy several conference tables weekly (cause they´re bastards who cant go a minute without insulting each other, again i love them), kakuzu is pissed (i made a whole post)

itachi had problems being intimidating when he was new (maybe because he was 13, smol and a sweetheart) so he decided on the over-the-collar-staring-look which didnt really work at the beginning cause he had to look up at people so he would always search for something high to dramatically stand on and glare down from (kisame now has a killer (lol) poker face because he had to suppress his laughter so many times)

part 2

[official-akatsuki]

I stand by my statement on deidara’s cooking (it’s hit or miss and he really cannot bake)

[thou-can-say-azrail]

More Akatsuki Headcanons

(cause ppl liked my others<3)

after sasori’s first mission with deidara, he upgraded every single one of his puppets for the sole purpose of being able to roll his eyes (deidara may hate his perspective on art but he can respect the pettiness)

itachi and dei use the same hair products (idky but this one is important to me) 

also their hair products are expensive af (probably some herbal bio shit i mean look at their hair its gorgeous, not me jealous) kakuzu already threatened to not buy it anymore cause: *mr. krabs voice* “money”  but they teamed up for this one and it them working together to reach a goal was terrifying enough to make him forget about the price 

deidara is nonbinary or genderfluid (i just ??? love this one sm??? but i am neither and dont know much about it so i usually refer to him as “he” cause i dont want to accidently insult anyone because of my lack of facts)(also the fact that orochimaru is canonly nonbi gives me live, i love one(1) creepy snake bastard (yes bastard is unisex fight me)) 

they 100% have a shit ton of inside jokes (no i dont take criticism on this one, its important) but its mostly stupid shit they think is incredibly funny like they´re on a mission and their client explains why they have to wipe out some village or whatever and the word “harvest” falls and kisame and deidara look at each other and look at itachi and burst out laughing (sasori just stands there looking at the client blankly regretting his life choices, the client is confused but doesnt say anything cause you probably shouldnt question the nuke nin mass murderers you hire and itachi looks like he is about ready for another massacre)

they have game nights which mostly end with property damage and blood (monopoly be like that sometimes yk it)

part 1 part 3

[official-akatsuki]

I lied I can’t be done here these head canons are a series and if I have to see them so do you

[thou-can-say-azrail]

Even More Akatsuki Headcanons

(yes i have more leave me alone)

they have a swear jar and it single-handedly finances most of akatsukis expenditure and the pile of property damage complaints they get every day (its also the only thing keeping kakuzu sane)

deidara is terrifying when he is angry and i dont mean the yelling and the bombs, no when he is really angry he gets polite and smiles pleasantly with the coldest look in his eyes and can work out cunning plans that work without fault, all of the others have learned to never make him that angry 

sasori did the owl head thing were he turns his head 180° the first time in deidaras presence when the other came in the room to ask him something and scared the shit out of him it went something like this: dei: “danna are you su-” sasori: *calmly turns around with just his head*  dei: “$%%#’$&&/&!!#%$/%§” (kakuzu cried tears of happiness that day and he could have kissed pein for the swear jar idea)

deidara called pein mom once, it was the first time they ever saw konan laugh (she almost cried, pein just stood there contemplating his life choices)

itachi and dei may be prodigy shinobi and hate each other but they also share one braincell that barely works itachi who had 30min of sleep for the last 2 days: “what if onions abused humanity centuries ago and thats why we instinctively cry every time we cut one?”  dei, also sleep deprived af: “oh i just thought they pulled the uno reverse card, feel my pain and stuff” (kisame sits next to them and looks at them mildly concerned while sasori knows that he would have a headache now if he could)

this conversation: pein: *says something to konan* konan, annoyed: “kami, are you a pain in the ass” pein: konan: there is muffled laughter two rooms away cause the others are one the floor laughing (thats it)

part 1 part 2

[official-akatsuki]

I— I’m done here

[official-akatsuki]

Ya know, this might be kinda obvious to some people but after sasori ‘died’ Deidara essentially became a carbon copy of him personality wise

[tra-nihs]

The fight of Pein vs Naruto™

(“my pain is greater than yours”, for the curious)

(’Celestial Atraction!”)

anyway, pein

[official-akatsuki]

Hahahaha

[official-akatsuki]

The more I think about how haphazardly everyone the was teamed the the worst it gets. I’ve already talked about how much of a money drain sasori and deidara are and I have more to talk about on that front but let’s summerlize everyone else for a minute.

Kakuzu and Hidan: the only reason they’re paired is cuz Kakuzu literally cannot kill Hidan but they literally picked the guy Kakuzu would want to kill the most (loud, cocky, impulsive, and loud). They’re also both so chaotic but in polar opposite ways I can’t lmao being in the same room as them would be painful

Itachi and Kisame: I can’t be too mad cuz who knew Itachi was a spy or whatever but they put Itachi with the other most chill guy (relitivly of course) so he could get away with so much shit. If Kisame was with anyone else he would’ve gotten to reck shit.

Ok who tf let Zetsu into the akatsuki in the first place? Half of them’s a scheming sociopath and the other half is if an invasive and annoying plant got a body.

Konan and Pein: Emo trama buddies. At least try to hide all the angst everyone here has defiantly had some bad shit happen to them get over it.

That one time Tobi was paired up with Deidara: ok so this could’ve gone one of too ways. It went like Deidara was seconds away from killing Tobi at any given moment and resembled Sasori a lot whom he thought was dead (nobody died idk what y’all are talking about). But it also could’ve just been a lot more volume and collateral damage. Neither of them have any restraint I swear could’ve gone so bad.

We’ve already been over Deidara and Sasori but there’s more and Imma post that later because I’m a bad person :)

[fridayiminlovemp3]

I’m full of rage but in a very chill and nonchalant way

[official-akatsuki]

Itachi:

[sockori]

soaked scorpion, fueled with hate

[killalluchihas]

why was deidara in akatsuki to begin with?? just for the 💥💥?? what a guy.

[official-akatsuki]

Quite frankly, entertainment

[princeofuchiha]

Akatsuki Thoughts (1)

I just had a thought– The Akatsuki playing never have I ever. Imagine how screwed up that would be. 

Plus you KNOW they’re targeting each other. 

Deidara: Never ever has my art been dry and boring

Sasori: Oh I’ll spice it up, you little shit. Get over here.

Also Itachi 100% gets targetted by everyone at some point. ‘Never have I ever got a hug from my mother’ ‘Never have I ever got a kiss goodnight’ 

He’s just like it’s not my fault I’m the only one who was actually raised by my parents you fucking assholes

[official-akatsuki]

THIS

[sockori]

crazed and calm with a sinners psalm― memories lose their art

[official-akatsuki]

I love this art style

[incorrecttobideiquotes]

Deidara: Okay, so get this.

Deidara: You make ten meals, you're not a cook. You make twenty pieces of art, you're not an artist.

Deidara: But you kill ONE person-

[official-akatsuki]

Ok so Sasodei is the only valid ship to do with Deidara but the post itself is accurate

[itachi-anon]

I just caught Tobi putting dirt in Deidara's shampoo. @deidara-akatskui

[official-akatsuki]

And I just saw deidara plant bombs under tobi’s bed.

[official-akatsuki]

It’s almost become a form of entertainment to rob Kakuzu. Shit is expensive and quarantine is boring.

[official-akatsuki]

I’m sure you noticed I haven’t posted anything lately, I’ve been busy, but now I have the e x a c t opposite problem and am locked away in quarantine until December. Don’t think I haven’t notice y’all following me (thanks for that btw I love y’all) ask questions at this point I’m bored enough very little is off the table.

[official-akatsuki]

99% of the time Deidara need a disguise, he’s a girl because anyone that kinda knows him would think ‘oh his egos to big for that’. In reality gender is a myth to him.