Good evening. I'm sorry for using your blog for sharing my issues, those issues are just kind of dumb, so I'm embarrassed to talk about them directly with anyone.Ā
For some reason I feel really guilty taking painkillers or acknowledging my period hurts in general. I have no idea where this guilt even came from, I remember being 14 and my mom giving me pain meds and me being "No, I'm not sick, it's a normal thing, I don't need medicine for it". Now I'm an adult and I still have "it's not an illness or injury, I don't need anything to treat it" mindset which I fully understand is extremely dumb but everytime I take a painkiller I feel like I lost to someone I don't even know to who. Like "Oh I lived with this thing for 8 years, I'm supposed to barely feel it by this point, there's something wrong with me".Ā
What's worse is that not only I think that, but I think others think that, when they're clearly not. Sometimes I come across posts like "Men think women are weaker, but they would fall over and cry if they experienced 1/4 of period pain" or "If men had periods they would make them an official week off" and I think "Aw man, I also wish periods were a legit reason to skip work, the people who make and like these posts would probably think I'm so pathetic". And I fully understand they would not, because those posts made by people with painful periods to support people with painful periods, but I still feel paranoid. I even asked several times "Are you making fun of people who don't deal with periods well?" and everytime I got an answer "No, I take pain meds myself, I'm just sharing my frustrations" one girl I asked that answered she would never make fun of people with painful periods became she has endo and I felt so awkward and guilty accusing her of something like that.
This feeling of guilt is so frustrating and it makes an unpleasant monthly experience twice as unpleasant but I don't know what to do with it because I lived with it for so long. Maybe I need to go to therapist. Or maybe I just need to start completely ignoring it. I already understand it's dumb and irrational so I just need to power through all those feelings of guilt and when whatever sends me them sees they don't make me feel bad it will stop?
Hi anon, thank you so much for sharing this. I feel like this sense of guilt you're talking about is much more widespread than you might think. I have felt the exact same way. You are not alone in this.
Firstly, if you have the capability to see a doctor about your period pain, I suggest going asap. There may be something else going on that is causing your elevated pain levels.
Secondly, you mentioned that you've considered going to therapy or counseling regarding the guilt you feel. I support this wholeheartedly. As always, choose your therapist carefully; but if you have the capability to secure a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), they can help you get to the root of your guilt and start the healing process.
My therapist explained to me the difference between guilt and shame, and it changed the way I think and use those words. Basically, guilt is what you feel when you do something in opposition to your own moral code. It is internal. Shame is what others try to make you feel when you do something in opposition to their moral code. It is external.
So I challenge you to look deeply and try to decide whether taking painkillers goes against your own moral code, or whether it is an external pressure. Neither guilt nor shame is easy to work through, so again, therapy is super helpful for this. Either way, you'll have to do some digging. When you figure out where this guilt or shame is coming from, then you can really start healing.
To sum up: thank you for sharing this. You are not alone. If you can, see a doctor. If you can, see a therapist.
And please update me if you want to! I'd love to keep in touch!
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