In the light of yesterday's tragic events I am finally able to say that I...AM...TIRED!!!
I'm so tired of being afraid. I'm tired of having to look over my shoulder because of fear of someone taking my life. I'm tired of not sleeping because I'm hellbent on tring my hardest to correct something that seems not to be changing at all. I'm so tired of PEOPLE, and saying that is horrifying in itself, because I love everyone. I'm so tired of the disrespect I recieve on a daily basis because people just don't "rock with me like that". I'm tired of being told I won't make it into the kingdom of heaven by irrelevants who somehow thinks it's "The Christian Way" to shame others in the name of the Lord. I'm so fed up with life in general that I have become NUMB!
Yesterday's events only reasured me that no matter how safe you may feel in an environment that is built on safety, it can be torn apart by hate just as well as it is built by love and at this point I'm over it.
I'm over people teling me how to live my life just because its an "abomination" to them, when I can go down a list of reasons as to why they haven't even prospered in life. I'm over the disrespect I receive by some family members as well as others who have no mind telling me that I am wrong for basically living, but will have their hand out in a second towards me waiting for me to give them something.
Some family members want me to have children so bad, but everyday I look around and always wonder, why would I bring a precious bundle of light into a world of chaos?
I'm so sick of having hard times getting out of bed because I dread the days that come. I'm sick of people telling me how to feel when I have repressed years of anger and sadness that what I want most is to cry and let it out. I can't do that in fear of looking weak, because you know "Men don't cry" and you wonder why some men out here can't open up to people because of the simple fact of looking "less of a man".
I always got to be strong for others who wouldn't even give me the time of day if I wasn't even related to them, and while I'm on this topic let me make a small note that y'all love to use words like "Slay", "YAAASSS" & "Werk", and y'all love to watch our shows, party with us, and soak up OUR entertainment, but when you get down to brass tax and see a day in the life of an LGBTQ person and what all they have to do to keep positive in life, y'all turn y'alls backs.
I guess me living my truth posts as a problem to many of you, but just like I've said before MANY of times I will say it agin...
DON'T BE MAD AT ME BECAUSE I LIVE MY LIFE AUTHENTICALLY, EVERYBODY CAN'T SAY THAT! MY TRUTH IS MY TRUTH AND I WILL STAND TALL IN THAT BEFORE I EVEN STAND IN SOMETHING THAT WON'T BUILD ME UP IN REALNESS INSTEAD OF TEAR ME DOWN IN FAKENESS!
LEARN to F*CKING LOVE & STOP the HATE!
-Anthony
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