i am the master commander

bexx, twenty-four, harry styles is my dad

[kibumkim]

trimming my moochie (man coochie) with an electric trimmer and my dog barked, i nearly gave myself a clitorisn't

WHY DO U GUYS SAY THINGS LIKE THIS TO ME

[sewercentipede]

when ur so so so so so so sleepy and then u fall asleep...... delicious

[curseworm]

so much hatred and killing and violence in ghe world. but not in my house. i kiss each piece of pasta before droppng them into the boiling water

[soloikismos]

recalling my insane former roommate who said their cat did things out of genuine emotion whereas my cat behaved performatively

[bleachersgirl]

but you have to consider the shrimplications…

[kaidanalenkogf]

her tits are plaguing me call that boobonic

[piipstachio]

TUMBLR PLEASE I WAS TRYING TO SHOW THIS

[gotterhag]

Two things: 1.) I'm actually crying. 2.) this is what it feels like getting hash browns at McDonald's

[ottomantwerks]

The biggest indicator that life isn’t fair is remembering that all Japanese snow monkeys have to do is sit in hot springs and chill out. They don’t have essays. They don’t have politicians.

[hagleg]

They have class hierarchy tho only the elite snow monkeys are allowed in the hot springs and the rest are forced to suffer the cold. They’re born into their class, and they die in the same class

[ottomantwerks]

I was wrong, the biggest indicator that life isn’t fair is that even fucking monkeys have class struggle

[dimetrodone]

African elephant calves vs Asian elephant calves 

[inkysparrow]

Very Accurate

[orteil42]

when i was in france they let me drive the eiffel tower

[betchi]

thank you. god bless you

[curlymcclain]

sometimes i think i’m overblowing the weirdness of the gen z puritan thing but my roommate won’t wear her favorite skirt with a slit in it to a massive kpop concert because a member of the band is a minor

[curlymcclain]

exact opposite energy

[mud4sludge-deactivated20230205]

what should i get at ihop

[mud4sludge-deactivated20230205]

alright.

[tsotea-deactivated20210727]

happy april fools. please take this egg

hahahahahha………………..

youve been fooled………………by the april fools beeper……………..it was a fully grown bird the entire time…..no egg………………it tells u it hopes u hav a good april 1st

[tech--romancer]

Ive had this saved since last year

[goodbyeeveryonepeacendblessings]

wish i would get thirstfollowed. but y’all only follow me cuz i’m funny and brilliant or whatever

[100493503004422]

me [coming to terms with a truth about myself]: hm..................................................... unfortunate

[dawnsfragrance]

being an adult is awful. every day i have to decide what to eat