Ola

my ao3 acount 🖤🩶🤍💜

[ok555ficideas]

I thought I would make a pinned post, because why not.

my pfp is by elidanus on twitter

my header is by @yourleftpinkytoe-blog

I'm 23, Pronouns? What pronouns? (any/all) I'm queer and ace.

On this blog I post my fics and ideas for new ones. Wordvomit555 is my side blog where I just rumble about whatever Fandoms: All for the game, 9-1-1 on ABC my ao3

Fics for All for the game:

finished: - Help me remember -> Andriel, amnesia, 50k - Saving the Day -> Kevaaron, fake dating, 50k - If the world was ending -> Jerejean, Kevjean, one shot - Girl crush -> unrequited Kevaaron, one shot - Hate u, love u -> unrequited Kandrew, one shot - Always and forever -> Andriel getting married, one shot - Five more minutes -> character study on Seth, one shot - One moment at a time -> character study on Nicky, one shot - Survive -> character study on Neil, one shot - Every step of the way -> Andriel, one shot - Show me -> Andriel, friends to lovers, 4k - This is it, isn't it? -> Andriel, break up, one shot (with an alternative happy ending in second chapter) - Useful -> Andrew character study, one shot - I asked you that once, too -> Andriel cuddling, one shot - I dial dunk, I'd die a drunk, I'd die for you -> possibly unrequited Kevjean, one shot - "Hold me" -> Kandriel cuddling, ft. Kevin and Wymack father-son relationship, one shot - Second place -> Kevin character study

ongoing: - In every fucking universe -> Andriel, time travel, multiple alternative universes - Soldier, Poet, King -> Katekevaaron - Broken promises -> Kandriel

Fics for 9-1-1:

finished: - "We made these memories for ourselves" -> amnesia, slow burn, 129k - Don't call him -> rewrite of the aftermath of the coming out scene, 4k - Stay -> airport love confession, 4,6k - Coming home -> Chris comes home, accidental kissing, not friendly to the Diaz parents, 4,5k - What if it's you? -> getting together full of misunderstandings, 9k - All my love -> too late love confession , 2k - We should have known -> Talk about what idiots they were after getting together , 2,4k - Wait for me -> not actually unrequited love, 1k - Mi amor -> pet names, 350 - Take me or leave me -> Henren, 1,6k - For science -> fake/pretend relationship, 10k - Lost and found -> temporary amnesia, marriage proposal, 4,8k - Desperate times -> smut, 7,5k - Carve your name into my bedpost -> smut, 8,5k - In my head, I'm yours -> amnesia, smut, 4,5k - Fidget toy -> smut, sex toys, 8k - Touching me… touching you? —> smut, 6k - Eyes wide open -> soft smut, 5k - You've haunted me, so stunningly -> smut, phantom touch, 9k - Chew toy -> smut, oral fixation, 5+1, 8,5k -Doctor's orders -> omegaverse, smut, 8k -Tits out -> smut, 2k

ongoing: Probationary husbands -> pretend relationship, s2!Eddie/s8!Buck

[911promptevent]

ONE WEEK UNTIL YOUR FIRST FIC CAN BE POSTEDDDDDD!!! We are so excited to see so much interest in this and cannot wait!! Make sure you tag us when you post your work so we can reblog it!!!

[ok555ficideas]

fragment from my phantom touch buddie fic.

He quickened his pace and cried out when the phantom touch stopped. He tried to chase the remaining feeling of it, trying to get himself over the edge, but without it, his orgasm got away from him. He huffed in frustration, tucking his still half-hard dick back into his pants and guiltily wishing the touch would come back. He let himself wait for a minute longer with no result. He reluctantly picked himself up from the floor and made his way back to his team.

“Shoulder.” He heard Chim exclaim in excitement.

“Which one?” Buck asked with wide eyes.

“Left-” Buck started to shake his head- “My left, Buck.”

“Oh my god,” Buck yelled. “You guys are messing with me.”

“What’s going on?” Eddie asked, his voice a little more husky than he meant for it to be.

“It seems that Buck gained some fun ability from our call in the lab,” Hen explained.

Eddie felt the touch return, and he sighed with relief. It was more gentle this time, it brushed against his hair as if it was trying to tuck a single strand that was falling to his forehead, behind his ear.

“What ability?” he asked, steadier now.

“Whenever he thinks of touching someone, they feel it,” Ravi said, and Eddie froze in place.

He looked at Buck, who first looked at him with his goofy smile that always made him look twenty years younger than he was, all excited and full of wonder. He saw Buck’s smile drop in an instant, and he felt exactly why. The touch at his more intimate parts returned, and Buck looked at him, horrified. Eddie grabbed the back of the chair that stood in front of him and held on for dear life. Buck shook his head, but it did nothing to stop the sensation on Eddie's skin.

“Have you been feeling anything, Eddie?” Ravi asked with a knowing smile.

“No,” Eddie replied with a high-pitched voice.

[911promptevent]

The first day to post will be October 9th. There's no better way to kick off the season 9 premiere than with some thigh riding, tit-fucking, and lactation 👀. We can't wait to see what everyone is cooking up!

Check out our pined post to find out more☺️

[911promptevent]

🔥🔥ATTENTION BUDDIE CREATORS🔥🔥 A fun project for season 9 premiers October 9th! Please check our pinned tweets for details. This is open to anyone 18+. DM's are open if there are any questions not in the pinned tweet. Please RT to spread the word! 🚒

[911promptevent]

🚑 Prompts will correspond with each week an episode airs, starting October 9th 🚒

Ao3 collection

Twitter

[ok555ficideas]

Eyes wide open —> Buddie smut fic

The girl disappeared from the screen, as the man’s hand followed to cap the back of her head and guide his dick into her waiting mouth. Eddie heard a tiny whine and for a moment he was horrified that he lost all control over his body. But he quickly realized the noise didn’t belong to him. Buck was laying on the couch with the palm of his hand against the growing bulge in his pants. Eddie quickly looked away from the unwanted image and snapped his head up to look at Buck’s face. He could have sworn there was some spit running down from the corner of Buck’s lips.

“Sorry, man,” Buck wiped at his chin and brought a pillow down to his lap. “I just miss it, you know?”

Eddie did know, he felt it deep inside his guts. He readjusted himself and almost took a pillow as well, if not for the fact it would be a dead give away right now. He only nodded and cleared his throat. He looked away from Buck and focused his attention back on the screen. The girl was still out of view and there were some noises now coming out of the speakers.

“Me too,” Eddie whispered, barely loud enough to be audible.

“You-“ Buck started, Eddie could feel his eyes on him, but refused to meet the stare. “Man, I-“ He paused and Eddie could feel Buck moving on the couch, scooting closer to him. “I don’t think we miss the same thing, Eddie.”

“We don’t?” Eddie let out on a shuddering exhale.

“No, I- I don’t miss being in his shoes, I miss being in hers.”

“You-“ Eddie couldn’t finish the sentence, the words got stuck in his throat on the way out.

“I just want something in my mouth, man. I want it to hit the back of my throat, you know, make me almost gag, I just-l” Buck stopped himself with a sharp breath, as if he only now realized he was saying it all out loud.

“I miss-“ Eddie started, but didn’t know if he was allowed to finish, or if they were allowed to talk about it.

“What do you miss?” Buck encouraged him.

“I miss the heat, I- my hand, it’s not the same, you know? And I don’t even have the time to do it anymore, it’s been so long, Buck.”

[ok555ficideas]

"Fidget toy" -> buddie smut fic

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice was questioning and a little pitched up.

“Just play with it, it will help take your mind off of all of this.” Eddie shrugged, focusing back on the road.

He could see Buck looking uncertain in his peripheral vision, but didn't pay him any mind. He drove them, still looking around in search of Maddie. The next couple minutes went by in silence and Eddie managed to forget what was resting in Buck’s hands.

That was until the vibrator came to life in a silent buzz, and Eddie almost jumped out of his skin from the surprise. He settled back down in his seat and adjusted a little. The vibrations were low and only sent a small spark of pleasure up his spine. He sent Buck a sideways look, and bit his lip to not let any sound out.

It was pure torture after that. Buck kept pressing the buttons at random and it made it impossible for Eddie to get used to any sensation. He was already sensitive from having the toy in for so long. He squirmed with every change of pace and clenched down on the vibrator, which made it constantly shift inside him and touch new places that no one had ever touched before.

He clenched his hands on the steering wheel, when a particular shift of his hips pressed the toy right against his prostate. It was a sensation like never before. One he tried to accomplish with his fingers in the bar bathroom, but was too impatient to manage. He might have survived it if not for the fact that Buck chose this moment to up the vibrations to what Eddie assumed was the highest level.

Eddie let out a scream mixed with a moan and swerved off the road a little. The roads were thankfully empty and Buck was quick enough to reach for the steering wheel and get them back in their line before anything bad could happen.

“What the fuck, Eddie?” Buck asked.

His hands stopped pressing on the buttons, which also meant that the toy was set relentlessly on the highest vibrations. Eddie wanted to reply, but between trying to catch his breath and focusing on not killing them both, he was left incapable of forming any words.

“Oh my god,” Buck exclaimed. “Is the toy in you right now?”

Eddie opened his mouth to reply, but all that got out from in between his lips was a long, drawn-out whine that he had been keeping inside ever since Buck started fidgeting with the remote.

“Fuck, fuck, it is, isn’t it?” Buck asked in a desperate tone that set Eddie’s insides on fire. “Shit, Eddie. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I-” He started to say, but it turned into a moan a second later.

Suddenly the vibrations came to a halt and the whine of protest that rang through him must have been the most pathetic sound he had ever made.

“Pull over.” Buck’s voice left no room for arguments.

[ok555ficideas]

"In my head I'm yours" -> amnesia buddie fic, in which Buck is confused about who kissed him in 7x4

“You need to remind me what you like.” Buck’s breath landed on Eddie’s skin which sent another shiver down his spine.

Eddie was too out of it to register Buck’s words at first. It was like his brain turned to mush and all he could focus on were Buck’s touches. He was able to take a couple calming breaths as Buck was clearly waiting for him to reply. Only then the words truly made any kind of sense in his high-from-all-the-dopamine-mind.

“Remind?” he asked.

He was out of breath despite them barely doing anything, he had no idea how he would survive Buck blowing him, or let alone anything else that crossed his mind ever since Buck had kissed him. Eddie had never had those thoughts before and he obviously had zero experience when it came to sex with men, but he couldn't’ deny the desire that rocked his whole being.

“Yeah, you know. I barely remember our first kiss.” Buck shrugged and went back to kissing Eddie, this time on his quivering thighs.

Eddie’s brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of the words spoken. Their kiss ended barely minutes ago, and Buck was kissing every inch of his body ever since. If he had forgotten that, then maybe his injuries were way more serious than what they had originally thought.

“Buck.” Eddie grabbed Buck’s face in his hands to stop his kisses. He needed to focus and Buck’s mouth was too much of a distraction. “What do you mean you barely remember our kiss?”

“I know it’s been months, but to me it kinda seems like yesterday and the memory seems a little fuzzy,” Buck replied and made a move to fit himself between Eddie’s spread legs again, but Eddie’s strong hold on his face didn’t let him.

Eddie reached for his underwear to pull it back on, and manhandled Buck so the man would sit against the headboard. He suppressed the urge to straddle the blonde no matter how inviting his lap looked. He sat on the bed sideways instead, and tried to make sense of the situation.

“Buck, what’s the last thing you remember?” he asked slowly, trying to not show how anxious he was.

“I remember us playing basketball, and me going a little crazy,” Buck started and Eddie nodded. That made sense, it’s what Buck had already told them. “I remember breaking your ankle, sorry for that by the way, I know I’d probably already apologized, but I feel bad about that,” he continued and Eddie shrugged Buck’s apology off. “I remember you showing up at my apartment and you know,” Buck trailed off, suddenly avoiding Eddie’s gaze.

Eddie’s heart dropped right down to his stomach. He never visited Buck after the basketball game. He was too high on painkillers to do so. But he remembered perfectly well who did, even if Buck seemed to have forgotten. Still, he had to make sure that what he thought was happening right now was really happening. And even though he was almost certain, he still held hope that it wasn’t the case.

“Buck,” he said with a shaky tone, he barely recognized.

“Oh shit,” Buck exclaimed. “Was that a one time thing?”

[ok555ficideas]

"Carve your name into my bedpost" --> smut buddie fic ft. Buck proving his Buck 1.0 skills. Here's a snippet:

“You could show me.” His voice sounded a little shaky to his own ears, but he hoped that Buck wouldn’t hear the tremble in it.

“You just said that you didn’t want to see me fuck someone.”

Eddie felt like he was on fire. He knew that if he uttered the words that were loaded in his throat, there would be no coming back from this. They could laugh it off, but Eddie would know. He would know that he wasn’t joking and deep down Buck would know it too.

“Buck,” he breathed out as he scooted closer to the other man on the couch so his knee was against the blonde’s thigh. “You could show me.” He emphasized the last word and saw Buck’s eyes widen in understanding.

“You know that would require me to fuck you?” Buck asked in a whisper.

Eddie felt his heart drop right down to his stomach. His breath caught in his lungs and he had to swallow the lump in his throat so his next words didn’t give away how nervous he was.

“I was thinking more of a blowjob or something,” he said after he managed to compose himself.

He felt insane, uttering those words. He couldn’t believe they came out of his mouth. He had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he never wanted to hear Buck talk about sex with someone else again and if he was going to accomplish that by letting Buck suck his soul through his dick, he was more than okay with that arrangement.

Truth be told he didn’t get many blowjobs in his life. He didn’t really see the appeal in that either. It always took too long and he got too much in his head about it. Buck was either going to prove his point that he was good at this and make it the best sex of Eddie’s life, or he was going to fail at making Eddie come, and Eddie would remind him of that every time he tried to talk about sex ever again.

The second option seemed more probable, and Eddie was more than okay with it.

“Buck 1.0 didn’t give blow jobs,” Buck said as his hand landed on Eddie’s thigh. “He fucked.” Buck’s hand squeezed down on the muscle and Eddie felt his dick twitch. “And he was damn good at it,” Buck practically purred the last words right into Eddie’s ear as he was getting closer and closer with every passing second.

Eddie let himself take in the words and considered his options. This was uncharted territory. A blowjob was one thing. He could close his eyes and pretend that it wasn’t his best friend’s mouth wrapped around his cock. If Buck fucked him, he would know. He would know it was Buck and he would never be able to forget it.

On the other hand it made it easier for him. Buck would have a hard time making Eddie feel good with his mouth. Eddie was already not the biggest fan of fucking someone, so being fucked was bound to turn out even worse. It might not even get to that part because Eddie knew that Buck would never want him to pretend he liked something and unlike with his girlfriends he didn’t feel the need to act.

“Okay, then,” he let out slowly as he inched closer to Buck as well. “Prove it,” he whispered right into Buck’s slightly open mouth.

The previously cocky expression on Buck’s face fell a little, and Eddie panicked. He should be happy, he should want Buck to back down from this. It would give him enough material to stop Buck from talking about his sex life. Eddie didn't understand the sudden desire deep within him that was begging him to not let Buck back out.

“What?” he asked before Buck could say anything. “Scared that you can’t deliver?” he teased and he knew Buck took the bait.

The blonde’s eyes lit up once more, and the smirk painted his face again.

“Oh, Eddie.” Buck’s hand moved up Eddie’s thigh and slid more towards the inner side of it. “You have no idea what you’re signing up for. I’m going to destroy you.”

Eddie felt a shiver run down his spine and he hoped it wasn’t visible. He knew he failed when he saw Buck’s smile growing.

“Oh yeah?” Eddie decided he wasn’t going to give up the rails this easily. “Because I think you’re all talk and no bite,”

[ok555ficideas]

I haven't posted on here in a while so I decided to uptake you guys on my 911 fics. my amnesia slow burn buddie fic "We made these memories for ourselves" is finished. Here's a snippet

“I was on my way to you,” Buck said absentmindedly.

Eddie didn’t even realize how deep in thought Buck had been this whole time. Eddie could see the gears turning in his head and he had recognized that look. This was Buck remembering something, and by the way he phrased it, Eddie feared it was the worst thing of all.

“What?” He managed to get out.

“I was on my way to you because-” Buck paused for a second before continuing- “because we fought and you left, and I didn’t want it to end like that, so I got into my car and drove. I didn’t pay attention, I just knew I had to reach you, to fix things. What was the fight about?”

Even if Eddie knew what to say he wouldn’t be able to. He sat there, speechless, barely moving a muscle. He had only one thought in mind.

He was completely fucked.

Buck was going to remember how stupid he had been and wasn’t going to forgive him for it. Once again Eddie had been too late. He could never do things right.

“I was avoiding you,” Buck kept talking as Eddie’s world started to crumble around him. “You wanted to know why. It was right after the break up with Tommy, right after-” Buck’s eyes landed on him, and Eddie swallowed with an audible sound- “I came to you after he broke up with me, you looked so happy.” Buck’s gaze dropped to his legs and his brows furrowed. “You weren’t wearing any pants and you were so free, and I was so sad, and we were drinking and-” Buck paused as his eyes lit up in understanding. “Oh,” he breathed out, his face falling.

“Buck,” Eddie whispered with so much desperation in his voice, he was sure Buck could hear it.

“Is that why you were avoiding me?” he asked with sadness in his tone. “You were scared that I was going to fall in love with you all over again.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. His heart started to beat a million miles per hour, and he felt like it was going to beat out of him and make him bleed out right on the couch. No pillow would be able to cover the stain from that.

“What?” he choked out.

“Well, you were right to fear that, because I have.” Buck nodded as he looked away from Eddie and hung his head low. “I did fall in love with you again, I don’t think there is a universe out there where I’m not in love with you.” Eddie couldn’t see Buck’s face, but he could practically hear his tears.

“Buck.” he felt like he had forgotten how to speak in full sentences.

Buck and confusion seemed the only things he was able to express. He suspected Buck might return his feelings for weeks now, but to have it confirmed seemed like the worst punch to the gut in this moment.

“You must have been so relieved.”

Okay, Eddie was wrong. This was the worst punch to the gut. Buck sounded bitter and like he had meant every word and Eddie felt his blood begin to boil.

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“This was like a perfect way for you to avoid this, and I went ahead and ruined it for you.”

Eddie might have not known what to say in the majority of this conversation. He was scared and felt like everytime that he wished for and everything that moments prior was so easily achievable had been ripped away from his hands and he couldn't breathe because of it. But to this he had a lot to say. Unfortunately he also knew it would only make the matters worse, but he couldn’t leave these particular accusations unanswered. Not after everything that Buck’s accident had caused him.

“You think I was relieved by you being in an accident? What the fuck, Buck? Relieved?” he spat back, not caring how hostile he sounded. “I was on my way to you, I was going to-” he was not about to confess his love this angry, this wasn’t how this was ever supposed to go- “to fix things. And then I saw that car and went full first responder mode, no stress, just doing my job, right?” He was staring right into Buck’s eyes for the first time in this conversation and he had no intention of looking away. “And then I saw you and I lost it, I had your blood on my clothes, your ribs cracked under my hands, not for the first time I must add, and I felt like I was going to lose you forever, and then you woke up and had no idea who I was, no idea who anyone was and you think I was relieved? I stayed away because I couldn’t bear the thought of you not knowing me and you think I was relieved? Fuck you.”

His chest was moving rapidly. He felt like he had just run a marathon, and he was met only with silence. Buck had dried tears on his cheeks and he stared at him blankly. Eddie couldn't recall a time when Buck’s face held so few emotions. The guilt started to creep up his spine. He knew he had only made everything worse, but maybe that was for the better.

He made Buck look like this, all emotionless and cold. He made the literal embodiment of the sun look like this. He didn’t deserve the warmth that came from his presence, he couldn’t believe he ever thought he did.

“I should go,” Buck finally broke the silence.

[ok555ficideas]

chapter 8 of "We made these memories for ourselves" is out. Here's a fragment

“Did we used to go to the Zoo?” he interrupted Chris mid fun turtle-fact. 

He wanted to feel bad, but the way Chris’ face lit up made him forget all about turtles. 

“You remembered that?” Christopher asked with the biggest smile. 

“Not exactly.” Buck turned back around to the dirt as he continued. “I just remember thinking I took Jee there, but that felt wrong.” 

“We should totally take Jee to the Zoo!” Chris exclaimed with excitement. 

Buck could see the conversation already getting away from him. He could see the gears turning in Chris’ head as he was probably planning the whole trip in his mind already. 

“Yeah, I bet she would like that,” Buck answered with a chuckle. “So, have we ever gone together?” he asked to get Chris back to his original question. 

“Yeah, we used to go to the Zoo all the time,” Christopher answered, getting back to the task at hand as well while he spoke. “The first time we went was right after the tsunami. My dad told you to stick to something inland and suggested the Zoo. It became our favorite place for a long time after that.” 

Buck nodded at that. There was a brief silence between them as he was mulling over what to say next. His mind would usually race too fast for him to be able to focus on the specifics, but the dirt between his fingers helped him to stay more present. 

“Were we particularly fond of giraffes?” he asked, as the images of the animals flashed before his eyes. 

“Oh yeah,” Chris answered with clear excitement. “There was this newborn one. We took dad with us to see her, and he joked that she looked like you because you both have too long legs for how uncoordinated you are.” 

“Well, at least the giraffe grew into hers. You’re still struggling.” Eddie said as he made his way to them from the house. 

Buck smiled at him, but quickly scolded his expression into a more neutral one. Eddie had a tendency of taking his breath away, and this time was no different. He couldn’t let his thoughts wander in front of Chris. He had to come up with an answer or he was a goner. 

“Very funny,” he tried to sound sarcastic, but it only came out as fond. “Did you buy me that keychain as a joke?” Buck asked, recalling the keychain on his keyset to the Diaz house. 

“The one you have on your set of our house keys?" Chirs asked, and Buck had to try really hard not to take that ‘our’ as something that included him. 

“Yeah,” he choked out, but tried to cover it with a cough. 

No one pointed it out, so he hoped he did a good job at hiding it. The strange look on Eddie’s face told him that he failed, but he didn’t have the time to think of how to get Eddie’s attention off of his weird behavior when Chris decided that Buck didn’t actually need to breathe anymore.  

“I gave it to you on your birthday after that.” Chris sounded casual, but Buck could hear something else in his tone. 

[ok555ficideas]

Part of “Help me remember” (Neil has amnesia)

“Can someone tell me, why the fuck I’m rooming with this asshole?” He gestured to Andrew.

He was met with silence. Every single person in the room looked at Andrew waiting for him to answer.

Andrew looked bored and like he had no intention of explaining himself.

“You two are fucking.” Aaron said. clearly annoyed that he even had to be there.

There were gasps all over the room and Andrew looked at his brother with a murderous expression.

Neil laughed. He laughed so hard he almost fell to the floor. The idea of him and Andrew was so ridiculous, he didn’t even know what to say.

After a minute he managed to calm himself down and looked at Aaron. “I don’t swing.” He said with a snort.

“Well, apparently you do for him.”

Neil looked back at Andrew. He hated that what Aaron said made absolute sense. That it was making the puzzle that was Andrew a little bit easier to solve. He thought about the need to be close to him, the hand on the back of his neck that brought only comfort.

He didn’t want to give Andrew the satisfaction. He looked him up and down and said with all the disgust he could master. “It was a lapse in judgment, I see.”

Andrew’s face did something Neil could not interpret, but he took a small victory in knowing that he made Andrew lose control of his expression at least a little bit.

“I’m sorry, but it seems like you lost a fuck buddy. You will have to find another one.” He put two of his fingers to his head in a mock salute and went into the bedroom.

Deep down he knew it wasn’t true. Andrew wouldn’t be at his bedside that first time if that was all they were to each other, but he didn’t want to think about the alternative.

[ok555ficideas]

I’m rereading my amnesia Andriel fic “Help me remember” and thought I would share my favorite fragments as I get to them

What he saw was somehow way worse than his father. On the wall next to him there was a mirror. He didn’t remember it being there when he left, but a lot of things didn’t make sense.

Including his reflection.

He froze in his spot and saw every eye in the room turning in the direction he was looking. He felt like he was dreaming or hallucinating. He had to be, because there was no other way to explain what he saw in front of him.

Matt ran to the mirror with a blanket to cover it up, but Neil was faster and tore the blanket out of Matt’s hands and threw it on the floor. He approached the mirror and felt panic rising in his gut.

He knew that there wouldn’t be any contacts in his eyes, but he wasn’t prepared for the rest. His gaze was focused on the color of his hair, but then it went lower and he gasped stepping away from the mirror.

He felt the burn on his cheek. The slide of the blade on his face, on his arms. He heard the threat said in his father’s sharp voice. “We’ll slit your ankles, then your knees.” Neil fell to the floor, frantically grabbing his legs in search of injuries.

He couldn’t breathe. Every time he tried his chest hurt and he was reminded of the broken ribs. Suddenly, the fabric of his shirt felt like too much. He didn’t care that his teammates would ask questions after seeing his scars. He ripped the shirt off and put his hand on his beating heart.

Taking his shirt off was a mistake. His skin felt rugged, more so than usual. He looked down and a violent sob was ripped away from him. His body was painted with scars he didn’t recognize. He shut his eyes and tried to stop the images in his brain.

They weren’t memories, they couldn’t have been. He had to be dreaming. This had to be a nightmare. He was going to wake up any minute now safely tucked in Andrew’s arms and–

In Andrew’s arms?

Why would he want to wake up in Andrew’s arms? He wanted to think about it more. If he focused on that insane thought maybe the rest would leave him alone.

He was wrong. He felt phantom hands on him. Holding him down. Rico's cruel smile morphed with his father’s. The lighter to his cheek took turns with the needle. There were knives everywhere. Suddenly, his head felt as if he was under water. He couldn’t breathe, he heard voices around him. He didn’t know if they belonged to his teammates trying to calm him down or the people hurting him trying to tame him.

He felt like he was about to pass out and the thought filled him with relief. If he passed out he wouldn’t feel the torture he was going through right now anymore.

The last thing he remembered was a reassuring hand on his neck and somehow he knew that it was a safe touch. It was a real one and it didn’t intend to hurt him. With that thought he closed his eyes. He could let go. He was safe.

[ok555ficideas]

Buddie pretends to date bc everyone is trying to set them up with someone and they get tired of it

There’s an accident on a call and Eddie gets amnesia

Everyone tells him he is dating Buck

Buck tries to tell him they’re not dating for real, but is interrupted every time (Chris, who knows they’re not dating, finds it hilarious)

They finally have time alone and just as Buck is about to confess they’re not really together, Eddie says how much he’s glad they’re dating bc he was in love with Buck for so long

Buck loves him too and doesn't want Eddie to freak out so he doesn’t come clean

Eddie remembers and is embarrassed

[ok555ficideas]

chapter 7 of "We made these memories for ourselves" is out. Here's a fragment of it:

“It’s the one with the giraffe keychain,” Eddie said before Buck could walk out the door. 

“What?” 

“The keyset in your drawer with the giraffe keychain is from here,” he elaborated. “You can let yourself in.” 

“Didn’t think to take it with you when you robbed my apartment, did you?” Buck’s voice was teasing, but Eddie could hear the touch of grudge there. 

He wasn’t surprised in the slightest that Buck had figured it out. He realized he wasn’t exactly subtle about erasing himself from Buck’s life. 

“I wasn’t thinking straight back then.” 

“Clearly.” Buck’s voice held a little pettines to it Eddie wasn’t used to. “Will I ever get back the things you took?” 

“If we ever stay over at yours again I will bring some clothes. As for the pictures from the fridge, they might be in not so good condition.” 

“What did you do to them? Cut out my face?” 

“What?” Eddie let out a surprised chuckle. He would never. “Of course not. I just put them in my pocket and they didn’t survive the journey. But you can take any picture from here, if you want.” 

“I will take a look around the next time I’m here.” 

That sent a thrill through Eddie’s whole body. Buck was going to come here again. This time to hang out just with Eddie. It had been so long since they did that. Eddie tried to not think about how he had only himself to blame for how long it had been.  

“See you then.” He was aiming for nonchalance, but failed spectacularly. 

“Yeah, and you know see you at shift tomorrow,” Buck replied with amusement in his voice. “Or are you going to call in sick again to avoid me?” 

“You’re dead focused on pointing out my every mistake today, huh?” Eddie knew he was blushing like crazy from embarrassment. 

“There were quite a few.” 

“I know. I hope you can forgive me.” 

“I forgive you.” Buck rushed to assure him. “Just don’t do it again.” 

As soon as those words left Buck’s lips they both froze. Eddie tried to rack his brain for the reason why they sounded so familiar. Buck seemed to be doing the same. Eddie had an obvious advantage and soon enough the memory of Buck apologizing for the lawsuit pulled up in the front of his mind. 

“I suppose you’re not going to tell me why that felt like a deja vu.” 

“I can.” He really didn’t want to but he was done hiding things from Buck that didn’t need to be hidden. 

“No, don’t. I’m sure I’ll get there.” Buck turned around and reached for the door. “It’s more fun like this.” He threw Eddie one last glance and winked at him. 

Eddie felt like he was going to faint from the sight. He was glad that Buck walked out the door right after and missed how Eddie’s knees buckled underneath him. 

[ok555ficideas]

"We made these memories for ourselves" --> amnesia slow burn Buddie fic. A fragment:

“He told me he loved me.” Eddie whispered, because suddenly it was something he could no longer keep to himself. 

“Oh, Eddie,” Hen replied.

“And I didn’t say it back,” he continued before she could say anything more. He didn’t deserve comfort right now, “I walked away without saying a word. And Buck was on his way to me, because of course he was. That’s Buck, always wanting to fix things, even if he wasn’t the one to break them. I put him on that road.” He finished with barely a whisper. 

He sat down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. He didn't want to look at Hen right now. He didn’t want to see the anger and disappointment on her face. He felt another weight being put on the furniture and wished she would just leave him alone to wallow in his own pity. 

“You were on that road too.” 

Of course she would connect the dots. He usually admired her intelligence, but right now he hated how smart she was. He lifted his head from his hands, but still didn’t look up. His shoes seemed safer than anything else around him.

“I was on my way to him too,” he whispered, “I was, I was going to fix it.” 

He could feel her getting closer, but still refused to meet her searching gaze. He tried not to flinch from her when she put her hand on his shoulder, but he must have done a terrible job at it, because the hand disappeared immediately. He sighed in relief and wanted to slam his hand against the wall for it. He hated how overwhelming touch got for him sometimes. It was another broken thing about him that he had no control over. 

“How were you going to fix it?” Her voice was gentle. 

He hated that as well. She was treating him with a care he didn’t deserve and he despised himself for how his body reacted to her voice. He felt cared for and loved and like her tone was at the perfect pitch for it not to hurt his ears right now. He wanted her to scream. He wanted it to hurt. 

“Don’t make me say it.” He finally looked up at her with pleading eyes. 

His mouth was saying one thing, but his mind screamed something completely different. 

Make me say it. Make me admit it, so it hurts even more. Make me suffer, because I deserve it. 

The voice in his head was getting louder and louder and he had to shake his head to stop it. He was not going to have a panic attack. Not right now. He was going to wait until Hen was out of his house, because he didn’t deserve to have anyone there while he suffered. He deserved to be utterly and completely alone. 

“Eddie,” 

“You should go,” he interrupted her again with a much colder and collected voice, “I will see you at work.”

He didn’t wait for her to respond. He got up from the couch and made his way into his bedroom. He shut the door with a force that was not necessary and crawled right under his bed. He needed to hide from everything that was out to get him right now. He just wished that for once he could leave the racing thoughts and cruel voices in the light. But no matter how calmer it was under the bed, the demons were always lying there right next to him.