Oliver Sideblogs

[james-dean-official]

I hope you all are happy, my boyfriend left me. Something about my "obsessiveness" with this blog. And my "brain dead takes" being too embarrassing.

Absolute worst moment of my twenties!

Can't believe you all hate me, the mod, so much 😔

I even complimented your front facing hunter eyes

[queenarielviolet]

Hi, the mod of @nixon-official here. And I just want to say that I feel your pain. Running my gimmick blog has irreparably damaged my social and professional life.

My husband of 10 years just walked out on me. I should have seen the warning signs that my fixation on running my gimmick blog was interfering with my wifely duties. He would sigh loudly as I would tell him that I hadn't had time to cook dinner or wash dishes or do our laundry because I had been spending my time editing a hilarious Nixon meme for the blog.

But I think the nail in the coffin came last night when my husband and I were becoming intimate with each other. We were making out, and he slipped me some tongue, and I just couldn't help myself: I burst out in a Nixon voice, "Tongue-kissing is a Communist PSYOP! Nixon declares War on Tongue-kissing!" I awoke this morning to find that most of my husband's belongings were gone. He left me a note telling me to expect divorce papers in the mail shortly.

I had already lost my job at the bagel shop for yelling at customers and calling them anti-American communists. April rent is almost due - I don't know how I'm going to support myself.

[serenity-hope-faith]

It's literally so hard, running a harmless gimmick blog 😔

[cheshirecatlair]

actually, I think crime rates should be higher 💄

[cheshirecatlair]

Juvenile Delinquency is at an all time low...this is a CRISIS!

Kids: Steal your parents' credit cards. Trespass on private property. Sell bootleg videogames. Play with Ouija boards on top of hundred year old graves. Throw eggs at cybertrucks. TP your teachers' houses if they're mean to you!

We depend on you for a Funner Tomorrow! 😼

[nixon-official]

GODDAMMIT, CAT! DON'T MAKE ME SUMMON THE GHOST OF J. EDGAR HOOVER TO DRAG YOU TO HELL!

[oliversideblogs]

Waiting until @nixon-official posts that VeggieTales fanfic on his AO3 to answer this ask sent to @veggietales-offical

[nixon-official]

I weep everytime I learn I lost a follower.

WHAT SOCIAL TRANSGRESSIONS DID I COMMIT???

[vercengetorixadvisor]

Watergate?

[nixon-official]

I just learned how to feel empathy.

For those of you how don't know about empathy, it's this really nifty skill where someone feels a certain emotion, and you're able to understand and share that emotion with them.

It can be unpleasant sometimes, but it can really come in handy when trying to reach out to potential voters and let them know that you care about their troubles and their needs.

[franklin-pierce-official]

Can I have some

[nixon-official]

Here you go, have a little of mine! I've been feeling a little too much recently, to be honest.

[franklin-pierce-official]

Oh god. I've caused my wife so much pain. Why'd you give me that

[nixon-official]

oops sorry. Yeah, it does that sometimes.

I am riddled with guilt for all the suffering I have wrought upon the human race.

[nixon-official]

My Fellow Americans,

I hate to admit it, but I may have girlbossed too close to the sun.

[violetdexter]

What the fuck is going on with these tags??

[nixon-official]

My Fellow Americans,

I hate to admit it, but I may have girlbossed too close to the sun.

[emobernie]

By "girlbossed too close to the sun" do you mean committed multiple war crimes claiming the lives of hundreds of thousands if not millions of people?

[nixon-official]

SHUT UP, COMMIE!

[nixon-official]

GODDAMMIT WHO THE HELL IS OLIVER SIDEBLOGS???

[mayo-is-all]

MAYO! !! !

[oliversideblogs]

Well, I guess I'm mayo now!

[nixon-official]

My Fellow Americans Bisexuals,

Do you ever develop a crush on a heterosexual couple?

[nixon-official]

[daisy-nixon]

preach dick

[mayo-is-all]

..! ..!!THE oRB is MaYO!.

Being careful so the orb doesn’t get you

- mayo behavior

[cheshirecatlair]

*Plays with the Orb like it's a ball of yarn*

NYEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!

[mayo-is-all]

Watching the orb grow stronger as it feeds on the personalities of the beings around it

-mayo behavior

[nixon-official]

The orb is undermining you Dick, it’s embarrassing you Dick. Declare war on the orb Dick

-MK Ultra

GODDAMN YOU, C.I.A.!

Fool me once, shame on you. But develop a psychological warfare program you use to sabotage my presidency...

You know what, fuck it.

@hoover-fbi GHOST OF J. EDGAR HOOVER, I CALL UPON YOU TO DESTROY THE C.I.A. ONCE AND FOR ALL!

[hoover-fbi]

TIME FOR VENGEANCE!!!!

[nixon-official]

GO FORTH, SPECTRE! GO FORTH AND DESTROY OUR ENEMIES: THE COMMUNISTS, THE C.I.A., AND THE ORB!!!!

[nixon-official]

… what happened why is Nixon mayo why is mayo Nixon

MK ULTRA IS MAYO!

[big-condiments-official]

what in the hell is happening

[hellmanns-mayonnaise-official]

beats me, pal

[officalverse-official]

Oddly enough, I believe I can explain.

You see, the night of Friday, September 26, 2025, @nixon-official was having 1 of his typical existential crises, feeling completely uncertain about his identity, sense of reality, and general place in the world, as seen in this post. In the midst of his crisis, Nixon had these interactions with the blogs @penguicorns-are-cool and @mayo-is-all, the exchange concluding with @mayo-is-all telling Nixon that Nixon is "mayo", and Nixon agreeing with the prognosis.

As a result of Nixon's Mayofication, so to speak, Nixon's blog design changed in the following manner:

Additionally, @nixon-official began posting in a manner similar to the blog @mayo-is-all, saying that everything and everyone is "mayo" as seen in posts like this and this and this.

Through this event, Nixon made posts like this one implying that the Mayofication occurred as the result of a PSYOP. However, @mayo-is-all offered a distinct and more likely explanation in this post: That Nixon was swallowed by "the Orb" of Elvisverse fame.

Shortly after receiving this ask in which an anon told Nixon they were going to "un-mayo" him, Nixon's posting and blog format (more or less) resumed back to normal:

Nixon made no further acknowledgement of the ordeal, but seemed to allude to it in this post in which he told his followers that he "didn't want to talk about it" and suggested they all "pretend it didn't happen." In this reblog of that post, @mayo-is-all revealed that Nixon only escaped his previous predicament because the Orb {a notorious anti-vaxxer} had a bad case of COVID and threw Nixon up.

I believe I more or less covered what happened.

[nixon-offical]

WHAT ABOUT OLIVER SIDEBLOGS???

[officalverse-official]

Who the hell is Oliver Sideblogs?

[oliversideblogs]

Hello.

[cheshirecatlair]

actually, I think crime rates should be higher 💄

[cheshirecatlair]

Juvenile Delinquency is at an all time low...this is a CRISIS!

Kids: Steal your parents' credit cards. Trespass on private property. Sell bootleg videogames. Play with Ouija boards on top of hundred year old graves. Throw eggs at cybertrucks. TP your teachers' houses if they're mean to you!

We depend on you for a Funner Tomorrow! 😼

[nixon-official]

GODDAMMIT, CAT! DON'T MAKE ME SUMMON THE GHOST OF J. EDGAR HOOVER TO DRAG YOU TO HELL!

[cheshirecatlair]

DARE YE DESCEND?

[nixon-official]

Only if it will aid me on my quest to Restore Order to the Heart of America and Bring Balance Once More to the American Dream!

[nixon-official]

whoa.

[cheshirecatlair]

Do You See, Dick?

[nixon-official]

i see

but i do not understand.

[cheshirecatlair]

What is the cornerstone of your Precious So-Called

American Dream?

[nixon-official]

...Enterprise?

[cheshirecatlair]

Precisely!

And what does an Intrepid Entrepreneur need to start a Small Business?

[nixon-official]

...a good work ethic? a positive mindset?

[cheshirecatlair]

ERRNT! WRONG! THANKS FOR PLAYING!

to start a Small Business

a Young Entrepreneur {with disposable income preferably in the form of a trust fund they got from their wealthy great aunt} needs

A BIG IDEA! 🥒🍅

[nixon-official]

Damn you and your confounding riddles, Cat! Just tell me where to find the Heart of America!

[cheshirecatlair]

in Bible College

many told him

"You can't adapt the story of King David and Uriah the Hittite into a piece of children's Christian media."

Many more said

One SHOULDN'T attempt such an endeavour

But did that stop Phil Vischer?

HELL NO!

[nixon-official]

SIGH. It's gonna be another hair-of-the-dog day, I guess...

[cheshirecatlair]

YOU DEIGN TO DRINK THE BLOOD BOB THE TOMATO HAS SPILT FOR YOU?

[nixon-official]

minnie mouse looks surprisingly fuckable

[badboynixon]

RELATABLE. 🎷😎

[nixon-official]

My most shameful secret is I'd bang you

Before using Tumblr, I never considered myself desirable physically.

This platform has done wonders for my self-esteem. Thank you, my fellow American.

[oderus-official]

Everything becomes easier to fuck when it's dead.

[nixon-official]

How would you like me to summon the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover to haunt you for the rest of your miserable life, COMMUNIST?

[oderus-official]

Nice try, Nixon, I'd just kill him again! I'm quite the experienced soul sucker, I'll have you know.

[hoover-fbi]

BOO!!!! RICHARD NIXON HAS SUMMONED THE GHOST OF J. EDGAR HOOVER! YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS UNDER UNITED STATES F.B.I. SURVEILLANCE.

[nixon-official]

I hate myself

I deserve all your mockery, ridicule, and ire

[therapist-offical]

Friend. Do not listen to the ones that make you believe this. listen to me and I'll make you feel better for only 100$ a week

[nixon-official]

...Okay. Sure. Why not. Just please don't use communist mind-control on me.

[therapist-offical]

Oh no, no, no! For us, capitalists, we're honest! There is nothing better! 😌