Olly

I write mostly pornography, and have no consistency in my blog at all but I’m funny sometimes when the mood takes me :)

[custer-mp3]

likes charge reblogs cast

[unbotheredmuse]

[chaosthedemon]

[agentsofoakenshiield]

[madtechnomage]

The Crushing Weight of Not Knowing If There Is a Task

[as-if-and-only-if]

im starting to think this crushing weight is not about the tasks

[ollyoctopus]

Happy Birthday!

Argh!!! Only just saw this three days late but tyty you’re very sweet to remember :D

[homeboygirl]

learning that self depreciation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it's true.

[badjokesbyjeff]

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it is.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That’s nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟That’s my dad outside.” Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?” Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes, it is..” Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.” Man: ‟That’s nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.” Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?” Boy: ‟$750.” Man: ‟Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, ‟I can’t. I sold them.” The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?” The son says, ‟$1,000.” The father says, ‟It’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, ‟Dark in here.” The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again.”

[sliversoakley4]

[picckl]

1 am thinking abt the triassic cuddle once again and getting sad. The Thrinaxodon was in a torpor and wouldn’t have woken up before it drowned in the rain. The Broomistega was badly injured and dying. Neither of them ever actually knew each other but their last moments are curled up together and immortalized in stone Hggggm

[picckl]

The fossilised burrow they were found in cant be opened or it will ruin the bones so scientists can only X-ray scan it for images. They literally cannot be separated without destroying their remains they will sleep in there forever together ( <——-is so normal abt this)

[catcrumb]

[rivertigo]

they’re gonna make a brain chip that connects to a strap on so you can feel it and that’s how they’re gonna get me to put a fucking hard drive in my head

[spneveryseason]

[lesbianboyfriend]

the three inventions the world needs the most are cure for cat allergy, strap-on you can feel, and cigarette that’s good for you. scientists get on this right now please

[maliceinchainz]

[wyndryga]

stop the fucking car

[goodflagshadows-deactivated2023]

I am so sorry for the person I’m gonna be in summer 2023

[skeletalmommy]

greg hirsch is a mouse they gave too many cookies and now he thinks he owns the place

[grahamcore]

tom wambsgans i am begging you to stand up

[45percenterthen]

what if u pushed your wife down the stairs and married ur neutered string cheese underling but he turned out to be the annoyingest girl in the world. thats so embarrassing

[supermarketcrush]