Oscar thinks about the handful of breakups heâd experienced before this. So long ago and so far removed from his life now, the feelings and the heartbreak seem like they never even existed. Heâd moved so fast from Lily to Lando, he didnât even process the break up. Though thatâs not true he thinks âhe knows it was over with Lily long before it officially ended.
A guilty pleasure of theirs was Oscar telling Lando it was always him and vice versa. It gave Oscar sick satisfaction knowing that even when Lando was off sleeping with countless people, had about 5 different exes and everything in betweenâ Oscar was still on his mind. It really doesnât mean much, Oscar supposes. To be on someoneâs mind, if youâre not actually together.
âI always liked you,â Lando said.
Oscar couldnât help but let out a scoff. Oscar was far from insecure, but he also wasnât delusional.
âOh, so all those Ibiza and Brazil trips you were thinking of me the whole time?â Oscar looked up, smirking. He wasnât blind to Landoâs escapades, heard a few of the wildest stories through their mutual friends. Saw a few photos, too. âIâm flattered.â
As romantic of a thought it was, they both knew it wasnât true. âOkay fineâ maybe not the whole time,â Lando smiled back sheepishly. âBut like⊠when you were around, yeah. Race weekends were the worst. Sometimes it was hard to focus. Had to sit on my hands to not touch you.â
That, Oscar could believe. Heâd never had a partner as touchy and openly affectionate as Lando â it was a gift.
Now, as Oscar looks around his apartment, he wonders why he ever kid himself. He never even let himself believe he could make it to F1 â even as a kid. He was a realist. But here he was, 25 years old kidding himself into thinking him and Lando could actually last and be something real. The worst part was his lovesick thoughts were completely out of his control. The second he had Lando, he couldnât help himself. He wanted him all, forever.
Lando hadnât cared about the stuff he left behind at Oscarâs flat. Of course. Stubborn and deflective and avoidant. Had finally replied to Oscarâs text about when he wanted to pick it up, two weeks late, âjust throw it out, thankss!â
Empty and politeâ like he was texting the work WhatsApp group. It always fucking bothered Oscar how bad of a texter Lando was as if he wasnât constantly on his phone anyway. Once they finally got together, Lando was betterâ for him specifically. Always sending a good morning and good night text in the rare weeks they spent apart. Oscar always had a spam of Lando texts to wake up to. Mirror selfies, and pictures of his breakfast and friendsâ dogs and everything in between. Gym pics with way too much skin and sweat â demanding praise for being a good boy and working hard at the gym. Oscar would indulge.
Mark knew, which was half embarrassing and half a relief. It made it easier that Oscar didnât have to explainâ didnât have to lie about why he was constantly with his teammate, why he was so happy all the time, why he had started traveling and going out more. That part was nice but now it kinda sucks that Mark knows.
It feels even worse when Mark tries to probe him, with his wife as backup. Oscar shouldâve known them inviting him out to their farm wasnât without purpose. They had only invited him to stay overnight 2 or 3 times before. They had invited him out for the first time when Oscar got the news that he wasnât getting an F1 seat. It was devastating having to finish out the F2 season knowing thereâs no seat waiting for him at the finish line. Then another time he had spent some more nights there overnight in the lead up to the McLaren seat. To celebrate, to talk, to make sure the contract didnât fuck him.
Nowâ they probably wanna make sure he wasnât a depressed wreck or something. Oscar wasnât. He really wasnât. He was always good, especially now. Maybe he wasnât feeling it yet bc he hadnât let himself think itâs really over. Deep down he thinks maybe Lando would come back. Open, heart shaped smile and curly hair and big hands.
Sure, the season was starting soon and he wasnât sure how he was gonna spend 2 weeks in Australia surrounded by family and everything else and not go crazy but itâs okay. He knows at least, that he wonât give anything away. If he could hide from them how euphoric he felt when he was with Lando, heâs sure he can hide the bad parts too.
Sometimes he daydreams of bringing Lando home. More than he even did when they were together. He knows his family wouldâve loved him. Itâs probably the one thing that makes him sick thinking about it. Lando would be so good with them. Perfect.
âeveryone had a phase where they liked max verstappenâ ⊠mind you i woke up on the 30th of September 1997, as an innocent and mild mannered 2 year old, with an unexplainable rage and contempt. i couldnât eat for the disgust i felt. i had the strongest sense that something was now deeply deeply wrong with the world. this would follow me all the way through to my adult life, until it finally clicked into place when max made his formula 1 debut. here was the source of my discontent
oh my goddd someone said Oscar was stuck being checked out in medical so he couldn't even come for the anthem and Lando knew everyone would be wondering ;__;
I actually looked and found video of it too it's even sweeter how he's showing that he's showing the love in place of Oscar
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