youlooklikeasixtiesqueen -> opheliasopalite
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@opheliasopalite
youlooklikeasixtiesqueen -> opheliasopalite
how i feel giffing a show that doesn't have a big audience on this website
guys i just got the best anon ever idk if i can post this i want to keep it framed in my inbox forever.
i canāt choose a favorite part of this itās all so good.
bird riding rhinoceros
Oh rhinoceros weāre really in it now
i fell asleep around 8 am and now it's 15:49 and i just woke up. what do i do with that
gonna start calling chatgpt "chad gipite." like "mr chad gipite is a liar and steals your water"
they should make it easier
what?
Everything. All of it
taking my friends to the ai cafƩ from the temu ad and ordering a "Scats doois" and a "Foolemellan Resois"
itās a shame womanizer means what it does and not an insta-forcefem beam cannon. Id prefer the world of that womanizer
Doofenshmirtz type post
my mom just had a 7cm brain tumor removed and since she's woken up she's been talking nonstop about this dream she had about going to an art gallery full of colourful paintings by a 'homosexual artist' named klimsdorf who was ethereal and wise, both young and old... at first she was convinced he was a real person but after failing to find him online she's accepted he was a figment of her subconscious mind and is now determined to bring him to life via painting his portrait herself. she's 67 and has never drawn in her life. and now this. blorbo from her tumor
This is so real
HOLD ON I HAVE A GIF FOR THIS
yes ive been waiting for my moment
that is the face of a man worried he will be next
Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.
crane husband.....
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980ā²s.Ā The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.Ā Ā
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.Ā Ā
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.Ā Ā
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, itās pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.Ā Ā
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.Ā Ā
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.Ā Ā
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.Ā Ā
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.Ā (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)Ā Ā
It worked!Ā Ā
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because itās unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.Ā Ā
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.Ā (This would not work with real eggs because he canāt sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.Ā White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he canāt retire while Walnut is alive.Ā (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)Ā Ā
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")
chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the āthis content has been removed for violating Tumblrās Community Guidelinesā notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
World Heritage Post
I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.
Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe
btw with email u dont have to lick the envelope. i know a lot of people have been doing that and its fine and all but you dont acrtually have to do that with email.
Just got really sad realizing that AI is going to ruin the art of horrendous American fireworks packaging
AI can never replace this true art