THE CALM IN THE CHAOS

Searching for hopefulness and confidence about the future or the success of something, aka optimism.

[massiveanddepressive]

I should’ve hugged you tighter the last time I saw you

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

...but my heart hurt so much I couldn’t lift my arms to do so.

[ana-depresssed]

Death.

I fantasize about it honestly. Being extremely malnourished and starving myself to death. That feeling of the heart stopping. That feeling of brain fog and floating every time I walk, which is the feeling that can be only achieved in extremely low BMI. Fragile, pale, and slowly wasting away.

Giving the very last goodbyes for people around me.

Being extremely dainty and jumping off the 63 story building. All of the bones being shattered to pieces. And most importantly, the fact that I don’t have to care anymore about this vicious world.

A permanent quietus.

Silence and the dark.

The eternal rest.

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

B.R.E.A.T.H.E

[emmaanaquinn]

Guys, It’s September

That means I have 120 days left of this year, that’s 120 days to loose weight, gain confidence, wear cute Christmas outfits and totally shock family when you see them this December because you finally got some self control. I will not disappoint myself again, I will not feel ashamed for people to even look at me anymore. So I’m sorry, the old me can’t come to the phone right now, why? Oh cause she’s dead. This is it. I will walk into 2019 the me I always wanted to be

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

I’m going to try my best <3

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

i’m not sure

Do you ever have those days where you just want to stay in bed all day, be lazy and eat a bunch of junk? You’re not depressed or anxious, you just want a break from the real world. Too many questions out there with too many people asking them. From things as simple as “what do you want to have for dinner?” to “what are your plans after university?” 

The problem is I’m not sure about any of the answers. Do they really need to know right now what my future plans are for ten years from now? Do they have to label me as being gay or straight or bi? Do they need to know how many guys or girls I’ve slept with? Why should I tell them how I feel about my body? So what if I’m having a microwave meal for dinner or treating myself to pizza!

I’m not sure, but I’m gonna make a good guess that it’s none of their damn business.

[lilpieceofmyworld]

[thegoodvybe]

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

DON’T DO DRUGS KIDS

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

I wish you hadn't told me.

Someone I never knew

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Do you ever feel like you are suffocating? Or maybe instead you feel like you are drowning… Either way, you have a moment, even if it’s just for a second, when you feel that you can’t breathe. You feel helpless and look around and realise that everyone else is completely unaware of the fact that you feel like you’re dying. They walking on by or carry on chatting to you, and you adjust your chair or take a sip of your tea, smile and pretend like everything is fine. But it’s not. You’re holding onto something and you can’t let go, because it’s been passed on and given to you and you can't ever take it back or undo it - you’re powerless...helpless. Why can’t other people know? Everyone should know, but then it’s not their business, so they shouldn’t. The way you think or see them might change, but not as much as their perception of you. You might start to say the words, forming them in your mouth but before they leave your lips you swallow them back down again, away from the chance of lifting the heavy weight from your chest that feels as though it’s crushing you. You cry alone at night and you can’t fathom, why or how you got here, but you are there alone and upset with no one to turn to. And the darkness swallows you up just as you swallow each drop of alcohol or each pill that you take. The most painful and painless thing all at once. But no one hears the screams inside that you wish would just come out, so that you could be heard and maybe breathe easily one more time.

[thegoodvybe]

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

B.L.A.N.K

S.P.A.C.E

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Okay? Okay.

Everything is fine. Until it’s not. Like you can think that you’re finally finding balance, finally moving on and thinking positively. Then someone goes and does something, or says something or you see something. BAM! You’re back to feeling like shit. Looking like shit. Eating like shit. Sleeping like shit. Being tired all the time is only half the battle. Why does it have to be so hard? Okay? No, I’m not okay.

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Don't do it

ME: I need a drink.

BRAIN: No, have a cup of tea.

ME: No, one glass of wine. I've had a bad day, I deserve it.

BRAIN: No you don't.

LATER

ME: Where did the bottle go...?

DISCLAIMER - I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC!

[suicide-hesitation]

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Shhhh! Ana has you...

[justastarvingangel]

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Don't say a word

Brain: Seriously, he's ignoring you for a reason.

Heart: You should text him again.

Brain: I wouldn't, otherwise he'll think you're annoying.

[whosthiskid24]

More

So yeah, I’m losing more. I’m losing more until I feel good. Until my hip bones jut out farther than my stomach fat. Until my back rolls disappear. Until the padding on my hips smooths out my silhouette. Until my inner thighs stop touching at all times. I won’t stop until I see the results I want.

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Neither will I xoxo

[dietpillsandcoffeethrills]

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

love. Love. LOVE. 

[patheticuncultured]

7 day Challenge

500 cal limit every day

and 10 cups of water every day

10 lunges every day

50 crunches every day

[optimismcreateschaos-blog]

Challenge accepted. No one likes a fat-ass anyway.