I Like Meat, Weights, And Weaponry

Trying to live life like a high fantasy orc on a low reality budget

[orcabouttown]

kinda struggling a lot right now with body image - I try and work out to look a certain way and I have a lot of struggles. I feel fat where I want to be lean, and small where I want to be bulky. I still have a gut, small chest, love handles, ZERO ass, my one good quality is my arms and shoulders but they aren’t that big either.

I don’t know, I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m just down about this a lot lately and can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I try and train regularly and eat well, I slip up here and have junk food or skip a session when I’m feeling worn down or lazy, and it just feels rough. I know there’s not much to it, just diet and exercise, but I fuck it up a lot and kind of hate myself for it. Add on top of that I can’t afford a gym subscription anymore and I’m at home working out in my room with less than 4 feet of floor space and I just feel hopeless a lot about my goals.

Does anyone struggle as much and if so, how do you deal with it? On the days you don’t feel disciplined or ready to kick ass, how do you stay motivated and get back on track?

[orcabouttown]

Never forget this day 13 years ago that gave us this absolute funk machine, Mr. Sergei Stepanov

[orcabouttown]

Just saw guardians 3

[orcabouttown]

I have received my trimonthly like that has reminded me I have this blog, so I will do what I set out to do on day one - inform the masses about meat I have consumed and weapons I like.

Currently doing a vegan thing, so let’s call this Exotic Weapon Thursday!

Ever wanted to combine offence and defence seamlessly? Ever wanted to feel like you had a tibia made of wood? Ever thought, “I sure would like to massively overcomplicate my next battle with this clunky but aesthetic accessory.” ?

Then you, my friend, need the tonfa!

See, on the weeb ass shit scale I’m not actually a huge fan of the katana. Sure, neckbeards gave it a bad name and dramatised the shit out of it, but it is still a solid weapon so to speak.

No, for me the ultimate weeb ass weapon has to be the tonfa, solely due to the origins.

The traditional origin story of the tonfa can be attributed to the struggles of the Ryukyu islanders - approx. 400 years ago Japanese samurai invaded the Ryukyu chain of islands and confiscated all weapons of the islanders to ensure subservience.

Why they did this I have no clue, maybe the people on those islands had cool shit.

So the islanders improvised weapons from mill handles, essentially just prying them off the mills and turning them into batons. Simple but effective huh?

Let’s examine the actual usefulness of the tonfa.

Aesthetic? Yes, it looks cool as shit when twirled around and gripped, like a super long dick.

Effective? Kinda. You can block like a son of a bitch, sure, but attack? A blunt object, swung with ineffective force in a lethal showdown?

Cringe.

Worth the time? Well, as Thorin Oakenshield demonstrated with the aforementioned shield, the tonfa model can have its benefits. It makes for a good improvised shield in tight quarters, where deflection can buy crucial seconds in a battle.

As an offensive weapon I can’t recommend it, frankly the only offence it’s capable of is how it makes me feel to see it used as a weapon.

Now, that’s my time, I’m off to fry some Quorn nuggies and rewatch The Raid, and if you’re reading this frankly you’ve clearly struck the bottom of the barrel. I say push on through, just remember to stay hydrated and have a healthy snack of your enemies entrails.

[slavicgerman]

[orcabouttown]

I haven’t seen an assassination this bad since Caesar

[orcabouttown]

Unorthodox Weapon of the Week:

The Mighty Macuahuitl (Mah-Kwa-Hwittle)

Say what you will for the Aztecs, they kept shit simple but effective.

Take the cuisine for instance, which largely consisted of maize, beans, squash, as well as harvesting Acocils, a species of crayfish creatures.

Shellfish, corn and beans? Simple, effective, timeless, just like the Macahuitl

But what is the Macahuitl, Orc? If you have to ask, you would make an inferior scout and be dominated in battle

Big Ass Club + Obsidian Shards = 3 feet of pure, unbridled Go Fuck Yourself

Imagine you’re a Spanish conquistador, fresh off the boat with a flintlock and a bad attitude - you’ve got it in your head that you’re about to be the hottest thing to happen to rape and murder since Columbus, and then BAM!

You’ve got one of these bad boys in your head instead, and it’s thirsty for colonisers.

Less work than a sword, more work than a club, the Macahuitl to weaponry is the Baby Bear’s Bed

Juuuuuust right

[orcabouttown]

Jedi Survivor Theory:

At some point mid game Cal is going to be horribly injured in a fight and lose his hand/lower arm aka the old Skywalker one-two, and given his technological prowess demonstrated in Fallen Order (repairing and upgrading BD-1 and repairing and adapting his lightsaber into a triple threat single, double and dual saber) he’s going to create a robotic hand/arm for himself.

There was a grappling hook feature shown in the trailer, and I believe he’s going to incorporate the grappling hook and other gadgets into his prosthetic arm to demonstrate the resolve and adaptability of his character.

BONUS: I think he’s going to incorporate BD-1 into the arm. BD may well be terribly damaged and unfixable, and Cal, as a tribute to his companion, will integrate BD’s components such as his zipline climber, scomp link, and stim dispenser. This would act as a visual metaphor of Cal’s growth, demonstrating how no matter what he will always carry the memory and sacrifice of his friends with him on the Path.

[nightlilly0110]

Oh no, not a link where you can watch the entirety of What’s New Scooby Doo! Who on earth would post something like this???

And one for 46 different Scooby Doo movies including the beloved live action one from 2002 and it’s sequel, Monsters Unleashed??? For shame of me!

[orcabouttown]

Oooh lord we are fucking EATING tonight

[crazycatsiren]

Yeah the stereotype of every autistic person being a super genius who has a hard time communicating and conveying their thoughts into vernacularly understandable words has got to die like, now.

[orcabouttown]

I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve disappointed by revealing that not only am I autistic but also incredibly fuckin stoopid.

No I would not like you to touch me Becky, nor can I solve your equations. I’m trying to remember scenes from Van Helsing and find the courage to go get a snack at the risk of a conversation

[orcabouttown]

So I’ve been really low this past month and struggling a lot with depression. I got fired from my job at the beginning of December and now I don’t have Christmas to distract me it’s just been a slog trying to keep my head above water while applying for jobs and trying to stay positive and hopeful.

I was feeling it especially badly last week and thought, “Okay, I’m not exactly a qualified therapist, maybe there’s good advice online?” I went on YouTube and just typed in “mental health advice for men” in the shorts section, and after scrolling past a few good natured but not quite helpful posts guess who started popping up?

Yeah, shithead supreme. Once he was in my history the YouTube algorithm just wouldn’t stop suggesting him

“Tate schools angry feminist”

“Andrew Tate sigma moment”

“Tate tells you how to be the alpha”

I’m fucking exhausted now. I don’t want to be a complete nutcase starting fights and dismissing women and chasing money and flash cars and getting pussy and being a “sigma”, I just wanted a bit of advice on how to not feel so glum and feel better about myself.

Please, seriously, if you’re a man out there who reads this and is wondering if maybe Tate has some points and he’s ultimately trying to do good, don’t. If you’re struggling with your mental health and self image and self worth I promise you an amateur kickboxer turned human trafficker is NOT the guy with the answers for you.

[orcabouttown]

Two hours into A Plague Tale: Innocence

[orcanist]

Brex enchanting his maul in combat by @korgironclaw

[orcabouttown]

Love to see a thick warrior in action

[whatbigotspost]

I’m sorry. I just. I just love farting stepdad so much 😭 Like use what you have available to you.

[orcabouttown]

We salute a king, fart on sir

[orcabouttown]

It just fuckin gets me every time guys

[orcabouttown]

“Oh he’s right here, you want to talk to him?”

Please do not

[spaciebabie]

i envy ppl who can provide deep analysis about their favorite media and/or characters b/c whenever i like something a lot it looks like:

[orcabouttown]

“Oh you like _____? What about them specifically? Provide examples and statistics or you’re not a real fan.”

They are a Vibe ™️ and I like it

[orcabouttown]

You guys ever have that wacky thing happen where you don’t quite understand why someone wants to do a specific task a certain way so you ask why it has to happen and why can’t it be done another, more efficient way, only to piss that person off and end up trapped in an argument about how you always question everything and don’t just do what needs doing and feel like a moron for not understanding their thought process and accepting it and feel like you’re alienating them but all you wanted to do was just understand why it should be like that?

You ever have that fun fucking interaction? It’s a BLAST.