It is always so strange to hear his name casually mentioned in conversation about past times.
To hear him referred to as a someone my social circle, including I, was “friends” with.
Perhaps he did have friends. Perhaps there’s a possibility there was somebody he did associate with more than for his typical exploitation and manipulation.
I was not a friend though. As much as I wanted to feel like I was, and as much as I wanted him to not use and abuse me, I was not really his friend.
I was merely an easy target to be used to his own personal gain, and when I wasn’t useful, I was even less.
I don’t know what to say about how I feel about having been so socially close to an actual psychopath, other than being reminded of it makes me feel simply... violated.
How could I be taken advantage of to the extent that I had been? When I think about it, it’s true, I could not have possibly been an easier target for someone like him.
I am autistic, oblivious to people’s intentions, and friendly to everyone.
And I was there, latched onto him as someone who just wanted him to be my friend. He used everything about me against me, to be able to manipulate me into what he wanted.
What feels the most isolating about this, is that most people who were close to psychopaths were in romantic relationships with them, but that wasn’t the case with me.
This happened during my childhood, from someone just a few years older than me. It makes it seem almost unreal, but I was his first target to prey on, for a pattern of many after.
It makes it seem so, so unreal. But it was real. It was very real.
They all start somewhere.
This person, this young person, hardly a teenager at the time, was capable of, and inflicted so, so much damage.
Carefully calculated psychological manipulation, grooming, sexual abuse, and keeping himself looking innocent and even likable to others.
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