Current twitter drama is Europeans confidently declaring that they don't need to drive or use overpriced public transport to get to the MetLife stadium for the World Cup; they will simply walk down the highway to get there. Girl it's New Jersey. They're gonna splatter you for fun.
If you manage to get on the turnpike before the cops stop you, a soccer mom is gonna do the Jersey slide in a RAV4 and turn your entire group into a wet speedbump
this? you want to walk down this????
please say sike
IT'S NOT A FUCKING STREET ITS AN 8-LANE SUPERHIGHWAY THAT GOES OVER A SWAMP
footpath
that is grass. just like ur ass, if you try to walk this thing
Image me gently taking your hand as I tell you the following:
This is ABSOLUTELY a perfectly fine footpath.
In fact, with how much space I’m seeing here, it is entirely plausible, that the European hordes will just create a temporary little Wanderweg right next to the highway. With that much space they might not even have to interfere with traffic.
But also have you seen the space between your highways? I‘d say the gaps each easily fit another whole stream of European walking hordes. Or maybe even two going opposite directions :D
tightly grips your hand with both of my sweaty hands.
the grass is not a permanent feature. there just happens to be a chunk of it there. the side of the road can vary from grass to swampwater ditches to steep embankments to absolutely nothing within a very short distance.
they will call in every highway enforcer in the state and mass incarcerate the lot of you before they allow you to Darwin Award yourselves across 6 lanes of traffic into an international incident or, (their real concern) impede the progress of the single most important north-south interstate corridor in america, ball kicky game be damned.
(I'm starting to believe that a fair number of you in the notes have We're Better Than Stupid Americans embedded so deeply into your cultural identity that you will Just Not Listen to anything we say to you about the material circumstances about the place we live in, rather than taking us at our word that there is a reason that most Americans travel the way we do and it's a good reason.)
Also, I need everyone to understand that if some miraculous heretofore unimaginable critical mass of footie tourists DID manage to slow or stop the turnpike's traffic they would be jamming one of the major commercial roadways of the northeastern corridor.
There is a seaport right in the area. Thousands of trailers and couriers are traveling to and from along that roadway. In the universe where Europeans colonize the turnpike, they're potentially halting billions of dollars of commercial freight and goods.
Do you really think anyone is going to allow that to happen?
Not only will the troopers stop you from getting splattered, but they will take it seriously because no one can afford the massive losses due to delays of freight movement.
And a side note about those swampy marshy bits? A lot better than they used to be, but they're basically catches of every drop of motor oil, antifreeze, particle of exhaust dropping from the turnpike, stagnant animal waste, and god knows what chemical runoff deemed ~safe~ by the epa. A bath in that and you will probably wind up the star of a medical mystery special.
