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Sheila Norgate, Raven with Issues

I'm literally halfway through, but I think everyone can agree that JESUS, YES THE J-MAN IN THE FLESH, IS SO ABSOLUTELY PERFECT AND WONDERFUL. And that sounds like a fucking spam-ass Christian bot comment, but I mean it for REAL, DAMN IT!! He's perfect. He's adorable, and kind. I love him.

#good omens #good omens 3 #good omens 3 spoilers #jesus

lauralot89

upon learning that the upcoming Dracula movie is yet another Dracula/Mina romance, here is an incomplete list of things that would be more interesting in an adaptation than a Dracula/Mina romance:

A romance between Dracula and literally any other character

An origin story for the lady vampires

A feature length adaptation of the Demeter plot (yes, I know this exists already, it deserves more adaptations)

A Dracula origin story set at the Scholomance

Mina and Jonathan going into that "unknown and terrible land" together

Dracula deciding that, rather than just murdering people, he can offer sex in exchange for blood, and chooses to go to London to do this because the locals will not be receptive. He awkwardly tries to ask Jonathan about prostitution in London and Jonathan's proper gentleman sensibilities are affronted

Dracula gets committed to Seward's asylum, somehow

Dracula gets stuck in wolf form and gets adopted by one of the protagonists

Dracula and his ladies go to Van Helsing, expert on the occult that he is, to ask for help trying to conceive

The Crew of Light try to imprison Dracula rather than destroy him, theorizing that, if they can find a way to cure him, everyone he's turned will be cured

Dracula's sexy immortal vampire harem kicking him out of his own castle because they're sick of his shit

Dracula and Van Helsing as bitter exes

The solicitor who gets sent to Dracula is now Gabriel John Utterson, hoping for a nice relaxing vacation after all the Dr. Jekyll business

Sherlock Holmes, somehow

Dracula marries Mrs. Westenra

Dracula is in the Wild West and gets attacked by vampire hunting cowboys

Dracula being so creeped out by Renfield's obsession and vows of servitude that he flees to another country (to which Renfield follows him)

Oscar Wilde fucks Dracula

tawnyontumblr

Reblogging this because it is both important and amusing.

And Mina Harker deserves better.

whitepeopletwitter

ignoranceishibiscus

my favorites from the tags

shyjusticewarrior

viewtiful-kim-deactivated202105

Hamlet adaptation where Hamlet is a vlogger and all his soliloquies are breakdowns he uploads to YouTube

animatedamerican

… I am unironically here for this

oldfilmsflicker

this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

kabesattic

This is - legitimately - my favourite delivery of Shakespeare I have EVER seen (and I have seen some good-ass productions yo, in the Globe Theatre itself even). Like seriously, even though the words are unchanged, he’s stripped away ALL of the archaic pretense and assumed grandeur of ~presenting the bard~ that makes even the most wildly talented of actors and innovative of productions inherently inaccessible to a modern audience. Like, they’re still great, they can still communicate the message and (some) of the nuance, but they’re still always a step removed from being identifiable to any viewer’s lived experience. They’re still always reciting 15th century poetry. But this guy? This guy is like, screw iambic pentameter, to hell with being precious about the material, HOW WOULD AN ACTUAL PERSON SAY THIS SHIT?

Like this. And it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to hear a soliloquy I loved so much already, and have it come to life in a way it never, ever, did before. I feel like I grasp his motivations, his twists and turns, no longer on an academic level but on a visceral, instinctive one. Because he’s presenting his mental and emotional journey in a way that speaks honestly, like a real person.

So yeah, this shit post? I love it. Deeply and sincerely.

ellengton

an absolutely stunning interpretation

chadhulk

I have mixed thoughts on sex work. I love sex, but I hate work!

kybercrystalgems

“Yeah, we hate seeing you work too!”

burglarsonarceny

how does this post keep getting better

starpains

on “the blond,” “the older man,” and other crimes against third-person limited

You know that thing where a story is written in tight third person limited — we’re meant to be inside someone’s head, seeing the world through their thoughts — and then suddenly the narration says “the blond frowned” or “the shorter woman sighed” about a person the POV character knows really well?

That’s called antonomasia — using a descriptive label instead of a name. And it’s fine when we’re talking about strangers: “the cashier handed her the receipt,” “the tall guy blocked the door.” The POV character doesn’t know their names, and we just need a quick way to tell people apart.

But the moment it’s used for someone the POV character already knows, it breaks immersion. Because that’s not how our minds work. We don’t think “the older man smiled at me.” We think “Mark smiled.” Or maybe “my boss” if that relationship matters in the moment.

Third person limited means the narration sits inside someone’s perception. Their inner monologue is the story’s voice. So when you switch from “Mark smiled” to “the blond smiled,” you’ve pulled the camera away from their mind and turned it into an outside shot.

If you want to create distance or irritation, you can do it on purpose —

“The idiot from accounting emailed again.”

That’s character voice. That’s judgment. That works.

But otherwise?

As soon as your POV character knows someone’s name, use it. While we do tend to worry about repetitions, names rarely register as such to the readers.

If you need variety for rhythm, use relational or emotional identifiers that make sense in their head: her friend, his partner, their teacher, the person they loved.

Because inside someone’s thoughts, there are no “blonds” or “brunettes.”

There are only people they know.

wisteria-lodge

Really good explanation of the fundamental problem with this type of writing.

(and why it's one of my huge pet peeves)

marlynnofmany

Same! As far as I'm concerned, the only time you should describe a named character by their hair color is when it relates to the conversation/plot. For example:

"They told me someone spotted a tall redhead doing something mysterious to the sidewalk where the coins were glued down," he said, casting a glance at the tall redhead beside him, who was hiding the superglue behind his back.

televisionenjoyer

crabanarchy

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this