[plumeriyaaa]

Coworker friendships be like (inspired by that one ayo edibiri and ebon moss-bachrach story pic)

[sentient-stove]

Rick Riordan threatens to release another book

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I won't lie to you I AM a little fond of those "mortal au poseidon is a millionaire and finds out about percy and takes custody of him" fics but they're always like sally was murdered by gabe or died in an accident or something equally sad. I want one that still keeps the base plot of the lightning thief. just imagine how hilarious it would be if random rich guy poseidon turns on his tv one day and sees that 1) the woman he cheated on his wife with is missing in a mysterious car explosion and 2) her 12 year old who is being labeled a domestic terrorist looks exactly like him. the olympian family pr firm is going fucking CRAZY.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

imagine. your wife and kids are finding out you had an affair from CNN. your ex's husband is on fox news trashing a 12 year old you just found out about and saying the 'evil' in him must've come from your side of the family. the 12 year old in question has just blown up a national monument. hera is threatening you at knife point in the emergency family meeting. you are begging your arch nemesis athena to defend this random 12 year old in court and she's refusing until she sees news footage of HER 12 year old daughter at the crime scene and frantically calls her baby daddy. conservatives that were already big mad about a powerful and rich family from another country being so entwined in american politics are having a fucking field day. you just wanted to run your silly little marine life passion project in peace.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

apollo is live streaming the emergency family meeting and it's only fueling the media storm,

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

when percy's giving his 'here's gabe's phone number' interview at the end the reporter follows up with 'do you think your olympian family has done enough to protect you in this ordeal? why would they not publicly defend you and state your innocence? how close are you to your father?' and poor percy is just like. .what.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

percy on live television finding out his dad is 1) alive 2) insanely rich and powerful and 3) has an evil father who just orchestrated percy's kidnapping despite literally no one knowing he existed prior to this

(and also 4) desperately trying to work out from context clues whether or not the cute girl he's been stuck with all month is his cousin or not)

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

poseidon frantically giving sally 12 years worth of child support and insisting he will always be there to Help from now on no matter what

like 3 days later he gets a call from percy who's like 'quick question how serious were you about that 'do anything for us' promise' (sally just murdered gabe and they don't know how to get rid of the body)

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

ooooh okay let's go:

1) Thalia wasn't in the camp she's been in a coma for years and in an act of desperation to get good press Zeus announces she's showing signs of waking up (she's not) (and it doesn't out shine the national manhunt at all) and then when she Actually wakes up a little over a year later the public doesn't believe the news at first bc of it. like they see the front page news about her miraculous recovery and the general public is like "what did Percy do this time"

2) the concept of Jason still getting raised by wolves- normal, non magical wolves this time- is KILLING ME!!! when he eventually gets discovered and rescued, Hera is his biggest supporter in helping him get readjusted to society and everyone is genuinely shocked that she's not Just doing it for good press

3) Hades actually takes custody of Nico and Bianca right away and it's not a big news story. when the press find out about HAZEL, HOWEVER,

4) Mr. D is still In The Family he's just cut off financially and out of the will and he literally does Fine for himself like he's rich in his own right between the strawberry wine vineyards and the camp he owns and runs. but every time he turns up to a family event he acts like he's a street beggar and has the hardest life imaginable. very 'woe is me I'm the only one of my siblings that can't afford TWO yachts' energy lmfao.

5) Kronos had Percy and Annabeth specifically kidnapped bc they were the two weakest spots in The Family- no one knew about Percy, so no one was protecting him, and while Annabeth grew up around the family because of her mom's job she wasn't Related to them and they never thought to extend any protection to her. Grover just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time bc he was tagging along on Percy and Sally's vacation and while Ares was okay with kidnapping and arson for his evil grandfather he decided to not be down for murder. this is why he never killed Percy's annoying ass during their cross country trip even when Percy kept fighting him and ruining his various bombing plans. AND he was mad as hell that Percy kept getting all the credit and being called the terrorist bc none of the reporters seemed to notice Ares was even there lmao

6) Annabeth was definitely missing for at least a week before Athena saw her on the news and Realized lmfao Frederick WAS trying to find her but he was more scared of telling Athena than he was for their daughter's safety

7) Amphitrite was mad about. well everything. but when she found out Sally murdered Gabe she was happy to help cover it up lmao she had a BLAST. she's like damn I married into such a shady family I can't believe I haven't had the opportunity to do this yet

8) Triton and Kym HATE Percy the beef is so immediate but Tyson adores him and Rhodes, who doesn't live at home, is nice when she stops by. Percy is literally more scared in this fuck ass family than he was when he was kidnapped lmao

9) Apollo keeps trying to get Percy to do an 'exclusive interview' with him and Poseidon keeps literally chasing him off

10) Zeus is never going to financially recover from this bullshit

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

screaming!!

Apollo's only like in his 20s in this and publicly he's just taking a gap year before starting medical school bc Zeus doesn't wanna admit he 'had to' cut off ANOTHER kid. but this means he can't control the narrative of whatever the hell Apollo's doing when it hits the press, so it's all like

Apollo Olympian spotted dumpster diving, seemingly confused of his surroundings

Apollo Olympian has reportedly kidnapped the 12 year old daughter of his father's business rival

Apollo Olympian and cousin Percy Jackson-Olympian seen in high speed car chase with the missing 12 year old girl in the front seat

Apollo Olympian comes clean about affair he had with one of his father's business partners when he was only 16!!

CEO accused of sleeping with Apollo Olympian says the then teen tried to kill him, disputes claims of a relationship

Breaking News: the 12 year old Apollo Olympian kidnapped is actually his cousin who was kidnapped years ago??

like just shit like that and everyone's losing their minds but the only people in the family he has regular contact with are Percy and Jason (minors, not allowed to talk to the media to clear his name) and Thalia (keeps encouraging him to be even more destructive). Artemis is M.I.A. on some "wellness retreat" in the Mediterranean but it later comes out Zeus is keeping her there to be an ass. the only person who really CAN go to the press to explain he's not actually on a crime spree is Rachel, but as she's not In The Family and also regularly creates scandals of her own out of boredom, no one really believes her lmfao.

eventually Apollo gives up and posts like a six hour long YouTube video detailing all the crimes he's caught the Triumvirate red handed of, he has a full blown conspiracy corkboard behind him and looks like he hasn't slept in a year, everyone is losing their God damn MINDS!! by the time his story culminates with him talking about having to fight a giant snake the general public already have their pitch forks and torches out.

Zeus is DEFINITELY never going to financially recover from this!!

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

@maedhroses THE IDEA OF KRONOS STILL EATING FAMILY MEMBERS IN THIS AU IS KILLING ME????

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

1) Zeus lying about Thalia's coma to get attention off Percy gets memed to shit over the years after this. when Percy is spotted at fjcking Mount Saint Helen's right before it exploded and the press was going crazy, the onion put out a headline that was like "Thalia Grace Threatens To Wake Up From Coma" and everyone loses their minds over it. Thalia has a framed copy of it.

2) I just can't stop imagining a Poseidon who hasn't slept in close to 3 weeks because he's been tracking this case trying to find his insane little kid and he like, gets swarmed by paparazzi while coming out of the police station and all they wanna know is why he cheated on Amphitrite and he finally snaps and is like

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I'm with you but I don't think Juno and Hera are twins I think everyone in the Olympian family has multiple fake identities for their assorted shady rich people bullshit/emergency situations. She kidnaps Jason and Percy to keep them safe from whatever the fuck her evil grandmother is plotting, they were specifically being targeted so she was just gonna lock them up in a safe house for a while, but they have weird reactions to whatever sedative she used to nab them and lost all their memories and she doesn't have the patience to deal with that so she arranges for Jason to be looked after by the same guy she has keeping an eye on her secret grandson Leo that Zeus doesn't know about, and then Tries to get Hades to keep an eye on Percy since he's more off-grid then the other family members (and Percy tends to attract more attention than Jason), but he won't do it, so Hera's like "well fuck you. now I'm involving your secret daughter that no one knows about. yeah Nico found her and told me lmao", and sure enough within the week the press has a clear picture of Hazel escaping in a private jet with legally missing teen boys Percy Olympian-Jackson and heir to the Zhang family fortune Frank Zhang, who's mansion just mysteriously exploded.

In all the chaos of trying to a handle on the media storm, Nico, who was not originally a target, was left unguarded and gets kidnapped by Gaea (and Thalia once again threatens to wake up from her coma).

[ashoss]

whatever. go my selfcare sunday trio.

redraw this was the og. from like January i think… but i was never too happy w it so..i redid it yay

[muadweeb]

sometimes i love asoiaf twitter

[percabethsbluecookies]

pics for chapter two of 'you think i'm pretty (you think i'm pretty cool)' by me that i'm only uploading so i can get a url to insert these into the fic lmao

[percabethsbluecookies]

looking through my past posts and reblogs… man I needed to have a better tagging system

[konan-supernova]

[sillywillyco]

my girlfriend amen

[homicidal-psycho-jungle-cat]

an updated version:

[samthecookielord]

[theunfortunate-author]

my daily affirmation as an author

[bathroomcube]

how your 20s feel when you dont know what ur doing

[skogensro]

tumblr i have a confession to make. i am a horsegirl </3

[kosmogrl]

[c4tb0y0]

Jesper in any given circumstance:

[infectiouspiss]

there's been a robbery at the lourve???? please tell me they nicked the mona lisa it would be so fucking funny

[infectiouspiss]

i'm talking proper heist movie backflipping over lasers and cutting holes in the ceiling to slowly descend on a wire i want this shit to be FUNNY

[infectiouspiss]

nevermind they did something funnier let's chainsaw our way in and then scoot out beep beep that's the sound of my scooter vrmmm vrmmm that's the sound of my tiny chainsaw

[missizzy]

Mona Lisa’s been done already. Clearly these guys wanted to be more original.

[peskynonbinary]

the promo for the six of crows spinoff is getting out of hand…