but it was mary all along @percybysshe - Tumblr Blog

years of you

you smell like lazy afternoons laugh like birds singing in the haze of the morning i could fall in your eyes and never find solid ground again i could live within you, in your smile like home in your arms like safety nets if you let me love you, let me love you like summer nights and fireflies like autumn rains and apple pie a love like winter storms and cold, dark nights spent warm beside one another like the spring blossoms trailing lazy in the breeze, like bright blue skies and a promise not to leave

#my writing #poetry #napowrimo #poem 12 #i wrote this on time i swear

flowerytale

Emily Dickinson, from a letter to Mary Bowles (about December 1858)

letter to my past self

darling, you are going to make it it may not feel like it, with the weight pressing your nose into the concrete but one day you will lift your head up high and stare the sun right in her face there will be a home in your chest for joy and for sunsets and for long drives and for bonfires and for foggy mornings and you will love the things you do, you will love the person you are becoming as if she were always something beautiful and treasured. you will wake up one morning, and you will choose to live, despite it all, you will love life with every aching breathe you draw in you will no longer want to die, and there will be purpose in your shaking hands, they will heal

dearest, promise?

#my writing #poetry #poem 11 #napowrimo

the gifts of summer

could this be, on its own, enough a smile on a sunny day, the wind playing in my hair, the tangles that the waves gift to me the clouds rolling in, the thunder clapping as we run, the grass beneath my feet as the flames rise and crackle and fall and hiss before us, the smell of burnt meat, the scent of grass cuttings, the dirt beneath your fingernails, the grass stains on my knees. could we make something like this, can this, alone, be all i ever need

#my writing #poetry #napowrimo #poem 10

today, i

today, i will fold my laundry i will take a shower and wash my hair and slide into clean sheets with clean legs and damp hair and sleep for as long as i like

today, i will run errands and fill up my car with gas and i will wash the windows and gather up all the loose socks that wander about the house like dust bunnies

today, i will look out the window while i drink my coffee, and i will watch the flowers bloom and i will think about all the other things i need to do

today, i will be lazy. i will near you in the garden, we will read our books in silence, side by side, i will curl up on the couch and watch tv while you make sweet chicken teriyaki and every now and again, i will drag myself up to hand you ingredients and i will laugh and you will smile there is cornstarch in your hair today, i will appreciate you, and i will appreciate this life that we are building, slowly, brick by heavy brick

today, i will comb my hair and put on my scrubs and drive to work, i will feed the cats, i will tie my shoes over and over again, and in the mundane, in the chores, in the grueling day to day, i will find beauty like i have never known before

#my writing #poetry #napowrimo #poem 9 #i will not be posting yesterday's poem because it sucks more ass than they usually do #and i wrote it at 11:45 because i was in bed and forgot i hadn't written yet #but today's feels a bit better

rain

rain falls splashes down from leaves dripping, soaking, wet i stand below; i am alive

eyes turn skywards as the clouds break one last drop upon my cheek. now the sun smiles down

#napowrimo #poem 7 #my writing #poetry

shifts

is it as simple as a choice a decision, a mantra, a shift in perspective can it be that plain, that attainable

the sunlight burns my eyes, tears like pinpricks forming in the corners, that familiar pressure in my temples, the quiver in my lower lip, in my fingertips, down into my toes.

the wracking sobs, the dull throb in my head, the aching in my neck from the weight of all that i have carried, that i do not know how to put down

but the sun is shining, it is breaking through the clouds and though it burns my eyes it also glimmers like a long lost lover finally found

there is pain here, loss and grief and fatigue and the tears are still coming but the hydrangeas are blooming across the street and the smell of the sea is floating softly towards me

i cry, i scream, and suddenly laughter peals like bells from the back of my throat, from some forgotten place that remembers and my soaking eyes crinkle up and i turn to the sun, let the aching lay ignored and choose smiles, spring and birdsong choose blue and lavender and cream choose to let myself be sad when i need to be but ultimately choose joy, the joy that can be found, in all things

#poetry #poem 6 #napowrimo #my writing

avoidance

there is something else i want to write today something that i do not have the time for, try as i might to make it

forgetting is so easy, it is willful and simple and when it is not well, it’s not as if you remember

it is the easiest thing in the world not to do something, to excuse yourself from the needing to improve, from the toils of the day

the guilt and the grief and all that comes afterward is forgotten, unacknowledged but there it is, below your feet waiting to grasp at your tender, weak ankles

this evening, i will do it, tomorrow, i will do the things that i must do today i will forget, and i will hope that in remembering i am not cowed by the terror of forgetting

#my writing #poetry #napowrimo #poem 5

the choice not to drown

water cherry sweet in my cheeks light kisses on my tongue dancing waves of light ripe sunset below the horizon i am digging for something delicious something beautiful pure and sweet and home something cherry sweet to hold behind my teeth until i feel less alone but all that i can find are walls tall and dark blue and ice cold against the backs of my hands

i plunge deeper into the sweetness so deep i do not see the claws and fangs and snares not so terribly far below

#my writing #napowrimo #poem 4 #poetry

forgetting

i can still smell the sweet colombian coffee but it is too cold now to drink

my eyes forget what my hands are not touching and my hands forget what my eyes do not see

so the coffee sits on the desk behind me and grows entirely too cold to drink

#my writing #napowrimo #poem 3 #poetry

to live

sometimes, beautifully, you realize that you want to live and nothing else before that should be allowed to matter

#napowrimo #poem 2 #poetry #my writing

out of sync

maybe discord can be beautiful i walk out of sync with your footsteps and hum out of tune the flowers are blooming and i bloom too but later, quieter, maybe beautiful but not quite, either, a tooth out of line a hair out of place a shoe that does not quite fit blouses that billow out too far or suck in too tight at the chest the weight of a million decisions and the simple power to step out into the middle of the street

it is okay if the first thing we make is not beautiful it is okay if the lines do not rhyme it is okay if the melody is out of key it is okay if the contrasting colors sting at the corners of your eyes it is okay

the water drips and the turn signal clicks and the clouds roll in from the sea

and i turn to you, and you turn away from me

#napowrimo #poem 1 #poetry #my writing