A mini comic (if you recognize my art style no you dont)(it actually doesnt matter, if you do you can definitely dm me on my actual main so i can talk⌠without the persona)
im genuinely dog shit at communication, my friends is very autistic like me and when they âblow upâ its just because of all the things ive done that i know hurt them.
and i dont think ive ever actually said im sorry 2 them 2 their face (over text maybe a few times). like i cant even said i didnt know i hurt them because when they are upset with me a lot of the time they just shut down. and glare. like i know theyre upset and i still say nothing.
and when they do âblow upâ guess what they immediately do! apologize.
and the reason why i was so scared about them being upset yesterday was because im pretty sure they are so sick of me and i actually cannot blame them because honestly? i suck. im a terrible friend.
we used to talk 4 actually hours every day and now maybe a bit of back and forth every day or 2
i miss talking 2 them so much. i miss it SO FUCKING MUCH.
because in all honesty IM REALLY in love with them.
i idolize them so much that when they hurt me its completely fine and ill let them get away with it over and over, as many times as it takes 4 them 2 not leave me.
but since im shit at communication they never ever every get 2 know i care. and i dont think theyre ever guessing because im genuinely just so cruel to them.
@ajolteonnamedsparky you were kinda saying how much you hated my friend from the last ask, i hope this might⌠clear⌠this upâŚ
i often feel the need 2 come up with my own language 2 make my own language 2 convey emotion or actions i cant normally with english but what if i just slowly changed how i use english until it becomes its own thing?
this might be my daily thing now i guess so
day one ig
this language will be called âAxorrathâ (because itâs a thing I came up with a while ago and Iâve been wanting 2 use it for a while now)
rule 1 is that any descriptor of a noun always comes after it, this applies to verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and anything else my brain has forgotten
gonna use the classic example of
âthe quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogâ
to show how this is changed by the first rule ig
âthe fox quick brown jumped over the dog lazyâ
had difficulty eating recently since it has kinda felt like no one actually cares if i eat at healthy times.
tw: me being sad and angry, also probably suicidal who knows i havent written it yet, also im not actually the most pleasant person when im upset so if you like meâ uh dont read this maybe because you might actually be like oh wow this guy actually kinda sucks
i get so jealous of the people who get to live normal fucking lives. of the people whoâs parents are still together and eat family meals while talking at a dinner table and laughing andâ being fucking normal.
my familyâs not normal, never been normal and they actually kinda pride themselves in that (well itâs an on going joke with my mom and my siblings)
my dad is the only time we pretty consistently have family dinners, but i hate having to be with my dad because⌠heâs my dad
and i hate being so bitter. i hate having to eat, i hate having 2 figure out what 2 eat that is good 4 me, not just a repeat or not something like cereal again and again (im not exactly trying 2 speedrun diabetes, no hate 2 anyone who has that, i just dont need more things i cant eat)
last night my sister made something 4 basically everyone else in the house at the time, like family meal! except me⌠because i cant eat it, and im trying 2 be even more cautious with what i eat, since lately i havent been and its getting so hard, âi cant eat that, its unhealthy, i cant eat that, i just had that recently, i canât eat that because my diet, i cant not eat because my mom said i have 2 since, quote âshe already has had 2 âdaughtersâ with EDs,â and I cant kill myself because im 2 much of a coward and people âwould careâ if i died.â
AND IM FUCKING SICK OF IT.
Like âYEAH YOU HURT ME AND DAMAGED ME BEYOND REASON BUT ALSO ITS OKAY AND I OWE IT TO YOU TO KEEP ON LIVING FOR 70+ YEARS UNLESS THE WORLD ENDS BEFORE THEN BECAUSE THE PEOPLE IN POWER COULDNT GIVE AN ACTUAL FUCK ABOUT OUR PLANET.â
and the esthetic i ended up with here makes me seem emo when im not actually at all in real life and it makes me feel like it could be written off by people being like âugh look at this emo being emo againâ and im not actually emo at all and EVERYONE NEEDS TO GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET A GRIP
