1-Any of the 3 seats around 1 WILL have bare Gollum ass foot and taint on them at some point. Those seats appear empty but are in fact occupied by his various alternate identities
2- Seems innocent enough, and Frodo will mostly keep to himself, but Sam will absolutely be waking you up getting him granola bars and shit out of their carry-ons. Will also meanmug you if you try to get up to use the bathroom. Gollum will also be leaning in and hanging over your shoulders whenever he takes a break from kicking the seat.
3- Out of the question, unless you are 7-19 year old extrovert and/or have nothing to lose. WILL clap when the plane lands. WILL eat your crackers if you’re asleep when the flight attendant comes around. Very little consideration for personal space. Theatre kids welcome.
4- It’ll be a long silent flight and they’ll both be courteous and polite but there will absolutely be a heavy third-wheel sort of tension, like they’re too nice to say anything but would be way happier if you weren’t there. Your only chance is to offer to switch seats so they can hold hands, but Aragorn WILL take a nap at some point and he WILL talk in his sleep. Also, if you switch for the aisle seat you will need to keep in mind that Legolas is absolutely going to recline his own chair directly on top of you.
5- Eomir is a sleep mask and headphones type of guy, and the window will remain closed. Eowyn’s longing glances to the right may be overlooked, but she’s also the type to monologue at increasing volume if you get to chatting and reach a topic she’s passionate about. Seat 5 is my personal choice, as it presents the lowest possible chance of waking up to a makeout sesh on either side OR a missing eyebrow.
6- Depending where the relationship dynamic is at at this point, it’s a coin toss between “Grandpa’s War Stories” and 8 straight hours of “I’m Not Touching You”, “Stop Hitting Yourself” type shenanigans on both sides. Also, putting the Dwarf in the window seat was a bad idea. You KNOW he gets airsick, and placing him in a corner directly between the only three elves was an act of direct biological warfare on the side of the airline.
7- Not the worst choice, as long as you don’t ask any questions about the family. Boromir is the type to share his political opinions at length unprompted, though, and responding in any way will only make it worse.
8- You are not cool enough to sit here.
9- This is an aisle seat, which is good, because you can get up to fake a bathroom visit when the vibes get too bad. Feels like going on a road trip with your dysfunctional parents only for them to announce their turbulent and resentful impending divorce mid way through. When it’s good, Galadriel and Gandalf will lean around you for a catty bitch sesh without you, which will also be bad, but at least you can listen in on the hottest gossip. Only gets worse when the edible Gandalf pops at take-off finally kicks in.
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