The Anti-Mormon Masterpost
The Friendliest Evil Cult To Show Up On Your Doorstep
(And no, they aren’t “Christian” no matter how hard they lie to convince you otherwise.)
Origins: Joseph Smith, Notorious Scam Artist
Joseph Smith was a man who lived in the 1800′s in America. According to Mormons he is the founder of their religion, a “prophet” and a “seer” who revealed a new set of scriptures telling the history of another group of Israelites who supposedly existed on the North American continent during the time of Jesus (in spite of the incredible historical challenges to such a claim).
But before he started his own religion, Joseph Smith was a well known scam artist who supposedly used various “magic” practices to help people search for buried treasure. He and his family were reviled in their community and suspected of many crimes. Some of his “magic” was used in his “translation” of the scriptures he eventually presented. Smith subsequently preached many strange and decisively unchristian teachings…
Although Joseph Smith was clearly very charismatic, there is considerable evidence that the official Mormon view of his pure moral character is a fiction. When Smith became famous as the “Mormon Prophet,” people who knew him from his early years were aghast, and they express their feelings in the following signed affidavits:
Mrs. S. F. Anderick: “Jo was pompous, pretentious…claimed he could tell where lost or hidden things and treasures were buried. He deceived many farmers.”
Isaac Butts: “I have frequently seen Jo drunk. He had a forked witch-hazel rod, later a peep-stone with which he claimed he could locate buried money or hidden things.”
W. R. Hine: “I heard a man say who was a neighbor to the Mormon Smith family, that they were thieves, indolent, the lowest, meanest family he ever saw or heard of.”
Joseph Rogers: “Farmers said he as a terror to the neighborhood and that he would either have to go to State prison, be hung, or leave the county, or he would be killed. Jo contrived in every way to obtain money without work. The farmers claimed that not a week passed without Jo stole something. I knew at least one hundred farmers in the towns of Phelps, Manchester, and Palmyra, N.Y., who would make out that Jo Smith the Mormon prophet was a a liar, intemperate and a base imposter…He could read the character of men readily and could tell who he could dupe.”
The Book of Mormon: An Impossible False Narrative
Joseph Smith claimed that an angel helped him locate “golden plates” along with various magic devices that he used to “translate” writing on the plates to come up with what is today known as the Book of Mormon. Smith claimed it was “the most accurate book” and that it was even more accurate than the Christian bible.Â
Unfortunately for Mormons, the book has no historical basis and is likely a complete work of fiction invented by Joseph Smith.Â
Mainstream scholarship does not conclude the Book of Mormon is of an ancient origin and consider the book a creation by Smith and possibly one or more others, drawing on material and ideas from the contemporary 19th-century environment rather than translating an ancient record. They argue that no evidence of a reformed Egyptian language has ever been discovered. The content found within the book has also been questioned. Scholars have pointed out a number of anachronisms within the text, and general archaeological or genetic evidence has not supported the book’s statements about the indigenous peoples of the Americas. The text has also undergone many revisions with some significant changes, which critics argue have notably altered its meaning, and see as a rebuttal of its divine origins.
There are a number of words and phrases in the Book of Mormon that are anachronistic—their existence in the text of the Book of Mormon is at odds with known linguistic patterns, archaeological findings, or known historical events. Each of the anachronisms is a word, phrase, artifact, or other concept that critics, historians, archaeologists, or linguists believe did not exist in the Americas during the time period in which the Book of Mormon was said to have been written.
Keep in mind that, unlike the so-called Book of Mormon, the actual Christian Bible has a humongous amount of secular historical records and archeological evidence supporting it’s accuracy. The Book of Mormon on the other hand is largely debunked by the archeological evidence showing that no ancient civilization of chariot riding, steel-smelting, Israelites ever lived in North America.Â
Translation issues with “The Pearl of Great Price”:
Smith often tried to “translate” various documents to further support his stories and many of these translations took place with the assistance of the same “peep stone” he had used in the past to scam farmers into paying him to locate fictional buried treasure. The results of his “translation” efforts should be largely unsurprising…
In July of 1835 a man by the name of Michael Chandler brought some Egyptian mummies and papyri which had been excavated near the ancient city of Thebes to Kirtland, OH, and sold them to Joseph Smith. Although Smith had no knowledge of the ancient Egyptian language or writing, he nevertheless “translated” some of these papyri, and in 1842 published the results along with three “facsimiles” (with interpretations) as the Book of Abraham. In 1880, thirty-six years after Smith’s death, this work was incorporated as Part 2 of the LDS Church’s scripture known as The Pearl of Great Price.
Many prominent 19th and 20th Century Egyptologists have examined the Joseph Smith papyri, including the one from the Egyptian “Book of Breathings” which is thought to be the specific papyrus which Smith translated as the main text of the Book of Abraham. All the papyri are inscribed with hieratic funerary texts, and the “Book of Breathings” is dated to the 1st Century BC or AD, 2000 years after Abraham supposedly lived. It is the unanimous opinion of the many Egyptologists who have examined the papyri that the text of Smith’s Book of Abraham, together with his related interpretations of the papyrus “facsimiles,” bear no resemblance whatsoever to the papyri texts. The Book of Abraham  is, in the words of these renowned Egyptologists, an “impudent fraud” (A. H. Sayce, Oxford Univ.), “absurd” (W. M. Flinders Petrie, London Univ.), a work by an “absolutely ignorant” person (James H. Breasted, Univ. of Chicago), a work whose “explanations [of the facsimiles] are completely wrong” (Richard A. Parker, Brown Univ.), a “pure fabrication” (Arthur C. Mace, Metropolitan Museum of Art), a “work of pure imagination” (S. A. B. Mercer, Western Theological Seminary).
Bizarre and Unchristian Beliefs…
So we know that Joseph Smith was a documented liar and a scam artist. We also know that his laughable “translations” of various scriptures can be easily debunked on the basis of the available evidence. And we know there were no ancient Israelite societies living in North America writing their stories on golden plates in obscure Egyptian languages that never existed.
But what did Smith actually teach his followers and what do they believe today? And most importantly, how does it differ from actual Christian teachings?
Here are just a few of the crazier beliefs of Mormonism:
God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Ghost are three separate divine beings (Mormonism is anti-Trinitarian).
In his pre-mortal existence Jesus Christ, the literal Son of God the Father, was the LORD (= Jehovah/Yahweh) of the Old Testament
Humans have pre-mortal existences as spirit-children of God the Father and a Heavenly Mother.
Humans can become angels, and angels can become humans, e. g., Adam used to be St. Michael (refer to Temple Endowment ceremony), Noah used to be St. Gabriel, and the Nephite man Moroni became the angel Moroni.
Matter has always existed, so the Creation was not ex nihilo.
There is no “hell” in the traditional Christian sense but rather a spirit prison where wicked spirits are cleansed in preparation for their resurrection.
A deceased person who was never baptized can get to the Celestial Kingdom as a result of a proxy baptism in a Mormon temple.
Building “Temples” instead of churches.Â
God lives on/near a planet called Kolob.Â
The highest level of the Celestial Kingdom is reserved for couples who have been “sealed” in a Mormon temple for a life of “eternal marriage.”
God the Father used to be a human living on the earth (Joseph Smith, “King Follett Discourse,” 1844)
Humans can become Gods (be exalted) in the future and dwell in the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom. (Joseph Smith, “King Follett Discourse,” 1844)
A side-by-side comparison of Mormon beliefs and what the Christian bible actually says can easily prove most of these beliefs are nonsense and likely the imaginations of a deranged mind. Â
But it gets even WEIRDER…
How much weirder does it need to get? They already have God living in space, native Americans riding chariots and Adam race swapping with angels. But yes, it keeps getting weirder anyway! Mormons do all sorts of other unspeakably strange things that make no sense to any rational person outside their creepy cult.Â
Magic Underwear - Probably the most well-known item of Mormon weirdness, the “Garments” supposedly protect them from evil and are known to be marked with Masonic images (because Joseph Smith and other early Mormon leaders stole a lot of their ideas from other cults).Â
Other Masonic Symbols on Mormon Temples - Because they couldn’t come up with heretical ideas on their own, apparently?
Those darn missionaries - You have seen them before. But did you know they are separated from their families for years at a time, denied access to phone calls and the internet, sent to locations not of their own choosing and even forced to pay out of their own pocket for the privilege of doing this?Â
The secret “Endowment” ceremony - The ceremony reminds me of the kind of low-key brainwashing military recruits get, mashed up with some disturbing LARP activity, all wrapped up in some pseudo-Christian linguistics.
“Soaking” and “Jump Humping” - How Mormon teens have sex without having sex.Â
Mormon Bigfoot - Somebody accidentally mixed up the cryptid books and some Vampire The Masquerade fanfiction in the Mormon library, resulting in this bizarre belief that Cain turned into Bigfoot.Â
Mormon Racism - Mormons used to explicitly exclude black people from their “priesthood” because being black was the “Mark of Cain” (when it isn’t Bigfoot, apparently). They tried to quietly leave this belief behind when it became politically inconvenient for them.
Polygamy - Another belief that Mormons attempted to leave in the past when it became politically inconvenient for them. This one likely originates with the fact that Joseph Smith and many other early Mormon leaders liked sleeping around with other men’s wives and needed some way to justify it.Â
Baptizing the dead (without their permission!) - Mormons have been widely criticized for doing this, told multiple times to knock it off and have been denied access to the records of dead people to try to block them from finding victims. They keep doing it anyway.Â
“Trek” - Another strange ritual, “Trek” forces young Mormon teenagers to live outdoors for days at a time, wear goofy outfits and push old fashioned carts around, because something something pioneers. A lot of exmormons are horrified by some of the borderline child abuse they witnessed on these trips. Don’t forget to bury the plastic baby before you go to the hoe-down.Â
“Interviewing” children about their sex lives - It sounds like something those Catholic priests would do, but in this case the Mormons are apparently taking a page from the Jesuit handbook.Â
And there are plenty more that I will exclude for the sake of brevity.Â
Like Hotel California, you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave…
Like any good cult, getting out is a challenge. You may not have to climb a barbed-wire fence, but you might need the assistance of a lawyer. Mormons make quitting their church a needlessly difficult and bureaucratic process, during which time the church leaders are likely to try to contact prospective quitters to pressure them into changing their mind. If that fails and they quit anyway, those who live in a heavily Mormon dominated area (I.E. Utah) should expect long-term harassment and serious social consequences, such as losing their job. The difficulty of the process has led to the creation of a third party website run by former Mormons to help others quit Mormonism as smoothly as possible. But much like Facebook and other shady organizations, they no doubt keep records on you forever, treat you as an enemy and probably plan to baptize you again after you die! Yikes!
“But we believe in Jesus! That makes us Christian!”
All religions consist of sets of essential doctrines and beliefs which make up the most important core tenets of the faith. If one holds contempt for these beliefs and/or makes efforts to wildly alter them, then that is no longer indicative of being part of the same faith.Â
If one hypothetically believes in the existence of Buddha, but claims that Buddha was an alien from the planet Kolob and tries to recruit people into a splinter faction of Buddhists who feel the need to explain that Siddhartha transformed into Bigfoot when nobody was looking, that isn’t exactly the same thing as Buddhism, is it?Â
This is what Mormonism has done with the Christian faith. While they might marginally claim to believe in Jesus and treat the Christian bible as one part of their scriptures, by allowing a known scam artist to invent a whole new body of scriptures that extensively revise some of the most essential beliefs of Christianity, they have effectively departed from the Christian faith to become something entirely separate.Â
Furthermore, Christianity has extensive warnings about false teachers who will try to deceive people by spreading false teachings and new prophecies. Mormonism represents exactly this sort of false teaching that Christians are commanded to reject and guard themselves against. The added fact that so many of the teachings of Mormonism can be proved historically false and fraudulently mistranslated is also evidence that what they teach is not consistent with actual Christian beliefs. Â
Regardless of if you are Christian or not, do not be fooled. Mormons are not Christian. If you are currently in the Mormon church and think that you are following Christianity, think again. You have been misled by false teachings. If you are a Christian and find yourself being pressured by society to treat Mormons as fellow Christians, don’t allow yourself to be strong armed into surrendering this issue. Mormons are not Christian and you are right to say so. If you are a non-Christian who can’t tell the difference between Mormons and Christians (and particularly if you are an atheist who wants to use problems with Mormonism as a petty excuse to criticize Christianity), you need to do more research. Mormons teach and believe something that has only tenuous connections to Christianity at best, but is mostly just the half-insane ravings of a long-dead con artist. Mormons are not Christian.Â
