Hello, is this Patrick? No, this is Lobster.

Alex, 28, libra; Not very good at being an imaginary crustacean pirate, but I try my best.

[autodiscipline]

cats eating a treat

[rnismatch]

you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000

[tamagotchi]

😍fuck

[greatergirlfriend]

never forget what's really important: approval from pervert women on the internet

[werewolf-transgenderism]

this is fucking killing me bro. computah, show me more hot hockey firefighters whaling on cops

[dorothygale]

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

[facts-i-just-made-up]

In early versions of The Lord of the Rings, Saruman was especially unwise to betray and destroy the forests, as all his wealth was held in Ent Credit Unions.

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Ancient tumblr expression: “How dare you be funnier than me on my own post?”

[anik]

i love this guy

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[i-am-a-fish]

don't be mean to yourself that's you

[i-am-a-fish]

you live there

[eatpussypraylove]

Favorite adderall review

[joebidensbignaturals]

[ralfmaximus]

You have to watch the dosage.

[mortimermcmirestinks]

You have to watch the dosage.

[xalatath]

I like when you click a link and it turns purple its like youre bruising it

[slugmania]

[gogglesaurus]

my first wondertrade in oras and i got a machamp incredible

[gogglesaurus]

all it knows is dig

level 31 and it just knows dig

[gogglesaurus]

what am i supposed to do with this

[gaypet-deactivated20150628]

is

is this machamp’s name “homo matsuri”

as in

“homo festival”

[lovelive2k15-deactivated2015010]

yea this is good

[jajakuroneko-deactivated2018121]

Some more interesting information:

“Dig” in Japanese was originally “Ana wo horu,” which translates to “Dig a hole,” with the direct object’s being “Ana,” “a hole” and the verb’s being “horu,” “dig.”

The common writing of “ana,” “穴,” is the same as a colloquial term for the buttocks, “ketsu.”

“Horu,” in addition to it’s more standard definition, is also a slang verb meaning “to have anal sex (between two men).”

Your new Machamp is named “Homo Festival,” and it’s only move is to fuck a man in the ass.

[lyrasyst]

I had a hunch so I looked into it, and I’m pretty convinced now that it being lv31 is also a pun, via goroawase (matching numbers phonetically to create words). there’s a lot of different ways you can do goroawase due to most digits having multiple possible pronunciations, but there’s one particular reading here that stands out:

3 can be san or mi. 1 can be ichi, hi, or to.

mito is a polite archaic word for genetalia.

its name is Homo Festival, its level is penis, and its only move is to fuck a man in the ass. a masterwork.

[snoopylovessoup]

[baccomalato-deactivated20220105]

I can’t do anything about anything. Im going to watch movies

[koiagain]

How early is too early to say I love You to your tumblr mutual

[paperclip6]

Dont ask me whats up i have done nothing since we last talked 3 years ago

[importantcatpics]