"I'm not good at social media" - A story by me.
While I'm sitting here ruminating on my life (as I am wont to do), my thoughts drifted to the story I have told myself for at least ten years but absolutely longer than that:
I am not good at social media.
And, you know, It's kind of true, in so many ways. But it turns out I was very wrong, in so many other ways. So I thought I'd spill those thoughts out onto the internet to maybe help you if you find it while thinking "God, I'm so bad at social media".
First thing's first: If you're good at social, you're probably also good at social media. Despite the clue being in the name, it took me far too long to realise this. Do you find it easy to communicate with other people, to start conversations with strangers? Great! You might also find it pretty easy to use social media!
But if you're not good at social, social media can be daunting, even isolating. You post things, nobody answers, you feel like you're yelling into the uncaring void. And, really, you kind of are.
You see, people are more likely to be social with people they have a connection to - whether you're friends, or attend the same venue / event, or share a hobby / interest, or are famous enough that fans want to speak to you - they're much more likely to interact if they've got that link. It's like a cheat code for hopping over that first hurdle.
But if you're a private person (and I spent ages being very private due to various pain points in my life), hopping that first hurdle is like trying to leap a chasm. You have that human urge to find some sort of camaraderie with other human beings (even if you're an introvert, even if you're neurodiverse, sooner or later loneliness really bites us in the arse), but whenever you try, you're holding all your cards close to your chest while hoping to get a peek at other people's.
That's just not going to work very often. I say very often because sometimes you'll bump into another lil tortle and slowly but surely peel cards away from your chest to show one-another and it could become an amazing friendship. Great!
I'll tell you what does work, though.
You're probably going to hate it.
The answer is to let extroverts do their thing.
You see, extroverts actually love introverts. They fucking ADORE us! Every extrovert out there loves to have a whole pack of introverts, because we are fun, and interesting, and we know the weirdest shit, and they love helping us come out of our shells and have fun in life.
But we can find extroverts a bit weird, right? A bit scary? A bit intense? They wanna peek at our hand of cards?
Spoiler: They wanna peek at our hand of cards because they've peeked at a lot of hands of cards, and they have a whole mental catalogue of who holds what cards, and they YEARN to put us in touch with other people who might share some of those cards.
Extroverts get joy from helping us make friends.
And all we have to do is let them.
So how does this make you "better" at "social media"?
Well, at its heart, social media is great for talking to people you know. Keeping in touch with acquaintances and friends. Making new ones? Yeah, you can do that, it's not impossible, but chatting with ones you already have? Yeah, that's where it really excels. Forget all that guff about going viral, or getting likes or views or followers. Really what it's good for is chatting to people you met, or share interests with, or are friends with.
And if you let an extrovert lift you over that first hurdle, you are suddenly flying.
I often feel like I have nothing to say, or that nobody would be interested in hearing it, or that I will 100% be misunderstood (yeah hello previously-undiagnosed autism)... And it's actually just not true. I'd just convinced myself that it was true because I'd been hurt, I was holding my cards too close to my chest, I wasn't neurotypical (hello also to previously-undiagnosed ADHD), I was any number of things that somehow made me less worth interacting with.
I still often think I have nothing to say, despite chatting to friends for hours about the things I have to say, and despite writing books that feature all the things I have to say. And I think often that ADHD makes me think I've already said a thing, who wants to hear it again, or rephrased, or in a different format?
So I let the extroverts who approach me peek at my cards. I allow them to do what comes naturally to them. And, wouldn't you know it, I get to talk to people on social media now. I've been introduced to fellow introverts who love the things I love. My extroverts take good care of me when I go to conventions. I am doing that thing which we all know is horribly hard: making new friends as an adult.
I think "I'm not good at social media" was both true and an artificial roadblock at the same time. It prevented me from accepting the help that was being freely and honestly offered, it held me back from reaching out and making meaningful connections, and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you're not good at social media, why not give "letting extroverts into your life" a go? Yes, scary! Yes, a lil bit invasive-feeling! But we do know the things we're good at, right? So we just need to take a breath, and let other people do the things they're good at, too. 'Cause 99% of the time, they really just want everyone to have a good time.
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