I haven’t posted on this blog in a while, and really the only reason it’s still up is because I consistently get notes from one post and I think it’s an important post to keep up, ergo the blog stays. But I thought I might as well post an update!
I left the church. I don’t remember exactly how much I ever really had to say about that on hear but my bishop literally told me that I had to go to conversion therapy to keep my membership. And break up with my then boyfriend, now fiancé, Tim (known to many of you by his old name Trevor). I fought really really hard to stay, and sometimes I still have nightmares about what if I didn’t fight hard enough. What if I should have taken it up to the stake presidency, but after one disciplinary council I was DONE dealing with the burocratic side of the church.
Despite all that though, we had to literally threaten my bishop with legal action to get him to leave me the heck alone. And when I finally sent my resignation letter to the church, it took the fastest of any one else’ letter I’ve ever heard taking, it took exactly two weeks.
I go to therapy now because I’m super duper traumatized from my experiences in the church. It’s going well. I’m on anti anxiety, anti depression and insomnia meds which is all helping with the journey as well. It’ll be a long one that’s for fucking sure.
I consider myself Pagan now, and I practice witchcraft. It’s something I’ve circled back to all my life, even right before I joined the church I almost took this path but fate is as fate does and I joined the church instead! I love where I am right now with faith, it’s helped me gain confidence in myself in ways I didn’t even really know were possible.
If there is one last thing I wanna leave in this update is that when it’s time to leave, it’s time. You shouldn’t stay longer because people “look up to you”, you shouldn’t let parents or friends or family guilt you into staying. I know these things are so so so much easier said than done which is why I mean absolutely No disrespect to where anyone is on their journey. But there is only one of you, and you are so precious. Your mental and physical well-being is worth so much more than membership in the church. God is still there for you when you leave, and it’s not an easy ride right into your nearest Starbucks for a guilt free americano, but the sooner you get out and start taking care of yourself, things will get better. You don’t deserve to feel unsafe in your place of worship.
I still love all y’all so incredibly much, and like I said this blog will stay up so if anyone wants to chat or talk I’m hella down:) I do probably say fuck a lot more now though but I’ll do my best to not do that 😂
