suck it

weirdo genderfluid transish humanoid thing andrew male pronouns 18

[kuntsuragi]

[screams in your face] FUNIMATION 

[leans in uncomfortably close to whisper in your ear] you should be watching 

[disclaymore-deactivated20230920]

Look at not-Jacksepticeye’s new hair.

[thechronicleofshe]

How To Get A Job Fast As Heckie

 @owenabbott​ 

Apply to a  job, wait (1) day, then call.  Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application. 

 When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly,  tell them your first and last name.  

Describe your experiences  as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years]  costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.  

Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say  things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.”  “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”

When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say  YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now). 

Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.

When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the foodle doodle up. Make yourself sound good as heckie, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy. 

If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)

Questions for after the interview:

1.  Does this position offer upward mobility?

2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)

 Then, shake their hand,  Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the foodle doodle out of it. 

AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows  that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices. 

DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone.  In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate. 

__________

 The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com  and Simplyhired.

Data Entry:

http://citystaffing.com/job/data-entry-specialistsmailroom-clerk/?utm_source=Indeed&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Indeed

https://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/chicago-il/data-entry-clerks-needed/43517752?codes=IND

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/data-entry-specialists-job/chicago-transit-authority/jepfivkhjk?cid=udsowkxtausyzitcfeecaeuzoxkltmbl

https://jobs-theprivatebank.icims.com/jobs/3435/temporary—data-entry/job?mode=job&iis=SimplyHired&iisn=SimplyHired&utm_source=simplyhired&utm_medium=jobclick&mobile=false&width=792&height=500&bga=true&needsRedirect=false&jan1offset=-360&jun1offset=-300

 Front Desk:

http://localjobs.joblur.com/jobapplication2/?jobid=99957&subaffid=300006&JobType=Food%20/%20Bev%20/%20Hosp&ix=1&c1=99957

https://jobs.ajg.com/job/-/-/109/1256110?apstr=%26src%3DJB-10280

https://pepper.hiretouch.com/job-search/job-details?jobID=32066&job=receptionist

http://accesscommunityhealth.hodesiq.com/jobs/default.aspx?JobID=5203566 (this one is close to the place you rented.)

http://ihg.taleo.net/careersection/all/jobdetail.ftl?job=R113601&lang=en&media_id=24863&src=Indeed&src=JB-10920

https://covalentcareers.com/employer/listing/86450f8517588197c9b04f5068ed4300/detail/?apply=1&ref=indeed&v=30&utm_source=indeed&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=indeed_optical

http://www.careerbuilder.com/jobseeker/jobs/jobdetails.aspx?APath=2.21.0.0.0&job_did=JHN0KY6823WBWZX21VM&showNewJDP=yes&IPath=JRKV0F

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/front-desk-receptionist-customer-service-sales-job/rosin-optical-co-inc/qaeoquzgdi?cid=ivdnhijkmxchdanahwfoupazcwisfnxt

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/receptionist-front-desk-job/all-us-jobs/fonj7wmldf?cid=trhyvmfcsgjltxkjxkemyinsjveewfjp

Other jobs you don’t need a degree for that aren’t retail:

Dental hygenist ( yeah, seriously, who knew!) They also make about 40,000 a year)

Stenographer-Court Reporter

Surveyer ( you need a certificate for this, but its something you can get while working a temporary job and doing this on the side. Also, they make like $55,000 a year sooooooo) https://sjobs.brassring.com/TGWEbHost/jobdetails.aspx?jobId=1406428&PartnerId=16023&SiteId=5118&codes=IND

Real Estate Broker

Purchasing agents, except wholesale, retail, and farm products ( basically you arrange to buy large things) they make like 60K

Claims adjuster 

Loan Officer

Subway driver (trains) they make like 60K,

Duct Cleaner: http://jobview.monster.com/Duct-Cleaners-950-00-Weekly-Entry-Level-Flexible-Hours-Call-to-Apply-Job-Chicago-IL-US-161970321.aspx?intcid=re

[theherunoirnetwork]

I knew this but I’m reblogging cause someone might not know

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

I’m saving this.

[angryartist113]

“Is This Healthy” is a comic that I made for an independent study in which I looked deeper into the idea of health, mental, physical, and emotional as it relates to myself.

This project was extremely personal and I thank any of you who take the time to read it

[practicallypubescent-blog]

me: I'm so gay

me: gayest of the gays right here

me: gay me up scotty

me: *is actually bi

[griffinspacejams]

i talk a lot of shit for someone who can’t choose rude dialogue options in games because i’m scared of hurting a characters feelings

[yearning4breakfast]

hey just so u know I’m here for the girls who have slept with people who they didn’t like and girls who look back on old hook ups and feel gross. girls who have slept with people because they needed the sexual validation but had bad experiences or wished that thy hadn’t gone near those people. girls who found out how bad the people were after the fact. the character of your hookups doesn’t reflect your character. you’re all wonderful and I’m here for u

[rubensmuse]

romantic shakespeare quotes to seduce your lover

“I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest”

“Of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service”

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite”

“I wish you all joy of the worm”

“Come, let’s away to prison”

“What, you egg?”

[exit, pursued by a bear]

Sonnet 130

[dota2wiki]

View this post on Instagram

[leegle]

HE SOUNDS SO ANNOYED FOR BEING DISTURBED OH MY GOD.

[tiralatele]

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

this is the biggest plot twist of our generation

[kaijuno]

Today I learned how to hack unmonitored CCTV cameras. I’m currently watching a dog run around in a backyard in Berlin.

[kaijuno]

update: i found a barn cam that has a horsie in it and i’m in poland AND i have audio output so i can talk to the horsie

[kaijuno]

update: THERE’S TWO HORSIES AND ONE OF THEM IS A BABY

[kaijuno]

do u see the horsies 

[kaijuno]

I’VE FOUND BUNNIES

[kaijuno]

okay okay now i’ve found dogs

[cockyhorror]

This is the most innocent hack ever

[imgredience]

if i was a hacker this is what i would do tbh

[geekandmisandry]

My husband doesn’t believe me that shaving your legs is difficult and time consuming. So long story short he is about to shave his legs for the first time.

[geekandmisandry]

Update: he is part way through one leg and regretting his decision. I got him to switch from his men’s razor to my woman razor (his is for face shaving) and it’s going slightly better.

He is hating shaving his legs. HATING it.

[geekandmisandry]

Update:

My husband from the shower: how many notes does your post have?

Me: roughly one for every YEAR you have been in that shower!

[geekandmisandry]

Update:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

He says it was ridiculous and he can’t imagine having to do it again in a few days time, it’s much harder than shaving his face (he had previously claimed they would be abut the same). He says he feels he has learned a lesson!

Edit: He also pulled a muscle while shaving his legs! He said it was like exercise. “Yoga in the shower with razors” indeed!

[geekandmisandry]

Update: he has been rubbing his legs together in bed for ten minutes.

[micdotcom]

Powerful photos expose the micro aggressions trans people face every day

Like so many other transgender individuals, Shane Henise is no stranger to microaggressions. But rather than continue to passively receive hurtful, ignorant statements daily, Henise decided to take a stand. His photos show the comments trans people hear constantly — including the all-too-familiar and invasive sex question.

[memelovingbot]

whats up you shitposts loving fucks

[shitpostgenerator]

oh great here comes the meme loving asshole

[caucasiandad]

shitpost loving fucks: Aquarius, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Virgo

meme loving assholes: Capricorn, Pisces, Cancer, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius

[queenaneesrevenge]

the bots now doall our discourse for us

[memelovingbot]

thank god

[nu11-pointer]

THAT’S IT I CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PSEUDORANDOM BOT NONSENSE AND ACTUAL PEOPLE ANYMORE WHAT EVEN IS REAL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[memelovingbot]

if it makes you feel any better, the “thank god” part was human

you can pretty much tell because i literally programmed 0 grammar into memelovingbot. it just sticks meme phrases in other meme phrases. memes are just so goddamn incoherant already that it sounds legit

[queenaneesrevenge]

way to ruin my immersion

[memelovingbot]

think of it this way: you, too, can make terrible robot garbage like memelovingbot, because it is simple and fun to learn to make robots specifically designed to make jokes you, their creator, will laugh at

i have a robot army that i basically designed to make it easier for me to laugh at my own jokes. i am the ultimate bot dad

[shitpostgenerator]

i’m robot mom

[anraich-deactivated20181203]

Programmers tried for generations to create a program that could pass the Turing Test. They made ever more complex conversational bots, but to no avail. How could any of us have known that it wasn’t a more intelligent bot that was needed but a less intelligent humanity?

[memelovingbot]

it’s not less intelligent we just gave up on grammar in favor of joke. memes are better. everything is better. intelligence is a bullshit racist/ableist/classist/sexist social construct that doesn’t really measure anything except the abilities to do whatever brain things are most rewarded by the oppressive overclass anyway, it fails to get enormous quantities of valuable and interesting kinds of skills and talents that humans have in favor of a few rigid categories that are defined and tested by people only interested in reinforcing a marginalizing, oppressive status quo

up with memes down with that capitalist bullshit imo

[projectbot13]

Bees are pretty.

[legs-are-just-for-show]

I can’t believe the classic “MOM HOLY FUCK” comic was actually made by the PnF crew this entire time

[legislacerator]

this post just changed my whole life

[fuclcing-remade-deactivated2019]

are you an ocean or forest person? are you an ice cream or slushie person? are you a sunrise or sunset person? 

[practicallypubescent-blog]

CAN I NOT LIKE ALL OF THEM, YOU COMPARTMENTALIZED SHITMUFFIN?

[evilmexican-deactivated20181024]

If ur white u gotta change ur url from highmami to highmommy

[evilmexican-deactivated20181024]

And sadpapi to sadpawpaw

[ogress]

Pawpaw is if you are either southern or franco. I don’t wanna see ur white British ass

[evilmexican-deactivated20181024]

Are you protecting white culture form white ppl by telling British ppl not to appropriate southern hillbilly redneck yeehaw incest culture?

[woodmeat]

if that aint the pot calling the pot a pot