pretty well funded

starker blog. she/her. been at this fandom business too long to have any shame.

[pretty-well-funded]

I‘m probably the thousandth person to tell you this, but did you see that Ali Hazelwood dedicated her new book Mate to you?

I have not heard this, nor do I read commercial porn (often) so I had no idea this book existed. I'll check it out!

[alma-de-naturaleza]

[shadythetortie]

A HAMMERHEAD????

[gallusrostromegalus]

I attended a campfire presentation by a park ranger who described Osprey as "both the pickiest and least picky eaters of all time."

They're the pickiest because they only eat things they can catch by plunging into at least six feet of water feet-first and are as close to their maximum carrying capacity as possible, to maximize calories-per-trip.

They're the Least Picky because so long as something fits those parameters, Osprey will go for it.

The ranger then showed us an extensive slide show of the local osprey in flight with their catches, which included: trout, carp, snakes, bass, eels, small sharks, ducks, surprisingly large catfish, a nerf football, muskrats, a summer sausage that fell off a boat, sneakers, a fish previously thought to be extinct in the area, a Barbie Doll, and another osprey.

[what-even-is-thiss]

It’s crazy that countries on the edge of the Sahara desert are reversing desertification by just digging half circles

[what-even-is-thiss]

The ground in these places is too compact for water to soak in during wet season which leads to flooding but digging these holes gives the water a place to stop and soak in. And they’re pushing back the desert with this. By just digging holes.

[what-even-is-thiss]

The new plants also help even more water soak into the ground which reduces flooding even more.

These places also give people places to grow food and graze animals like people are turning completely dry compact desert into a refuge for wildlife and plants and solving regional food insecurity just by digging holes.

[marlinspirkhall]

A Vulcan named Stork works at the Terran adoption agency. Parents always request that he be the one to deliver their child to them.

[taken-aurally]

It’s years before anyone explains it to him.

[thetimetostrikeislater]

People keep gifting him robes with long white birds on them.

[thetimetostrikeislater]

[whetstonefires]

The fun thing is he would understand why people were getting him outfits with storks on them. That’s a word, it’s his name, straightforward. All the humans get him the same gag gift, but like, they’re putting effort in at least. This is a genuinely nice outfit. Stork will be a walking zero-effort pun sometimes, rather than waste a perfectly fine robe.

It’s fine. This is a readily comprehensible human illogic. Exactly the kind of thing he expected from moving to Earth.

Six years in he finds out about the stork bringing babies.

[thesaltofcarthage]

Stork has a good long meditation session about this myth, his name, his job, the outfits, the whole shebang (or whatever Vulcan concept is the equivalent).

And he decides he’s honored by it, in a humanly illogical way.

The humans are asking him to do what is after all his job, and specifically requesting him for the joy his name brings them on top of an already agreeable and satisfying task. He has no objection to engendering positive emotions in others. Harm hastens the heat-death of the universe, Surak teaches, so happiness must logically slow it down. 

Plus, Vulcans of his generation love puns. There were two decades of punning competitions in colleges across the planet. So when he realizes that he is a walking zero-effort pun, and that the humans also love the pun, he is all for it. He is the Joe Cool of the entire Vulcan population in his city. 

And via this pun, the humans are including him in a cherished and traditional myth, by casting him as the literal bringer of life and the expander of families. 

There’s no downside. Stork wears his robes, pins, keychains, and other bird-related tchotchkes with genuine pride. 

[shinobicyrus]

YES IT’S BACK ON MY DASH AT LAST

For real though working together with some human social workers, a Vulcan would be an excellent caretaker for children in an adoption center.

Child has a meltdown? Imagine Stork, perfectly calm and unbothered, approaching the kid and saying “You appear quite upset, Eliza. If you would please allow me to relocate you to the ‘bean-bag-chair,’ we can discuss the source of your distress.”

A Vulcan educated in medicine and child psychology would be endlessly patient with a kid with behavioral issues. Stork wouldn’t get or upset or frustrated. After all, these are children with medical and psychological conditions. It would be illogical to blame the child or to not treat them with the appropriate care.

Even if the a little one was having a bad day or was just overtired, Stork wouldn’t get angry. He might even be a calming presence. Any new kids acting out would learn real quick that they’d have better luck trying to arm-wrestle a Klingon than get a rise out of Stork.

Not only that, Vulcans live much longer than humans. Imagine Stork looking virtually unchanged as decades pass. Kids he’d helped years ago would turn up fully grown, maybe there to adopt their own kids, and run into Stork, looking almost exactly as they remember him.

And he’d probably remember them too. “Welcome back, Eliza.”

[departmentq]

“…Harm hastens the heat-death of the universe, Surak teaches, so logically happiness must slow it down…”

Will reblog every time it crosses my dash 🖖🏾

[trekheritageposts]

star trek heritage post (November 14th, 2020)

[marlinspirkhall]

Periodic reminder that the compiled tag I use on AO3 is “Stork The Vulcan (fanon)” and so far there are 5 fics featuring him:

Heed The Stork

There’s Always A Chance and

Not Logical by MarlinSpirkHall (hi)

What Stork Brings by AfterIWake @mousedetective

One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat by Android_And_Ale @android-and-ale

Various iterations of this thread ^ have also been bookmarked under the tag for future reference 🖖

[marlinspirkhall]

Happy world adoption day :)

[marlinspirkhall]

Happy world foster day :3

[sonpat-rides-again]

[ihavenocluewhatiwanttobecalled]

Can someone who understands psychology explain why this makes someone "rude"?

[alex51324]

Phatic discourse, a subset of affiliative signaling.

When Co-workers do things like ask about weekend plans, chat about non-work topics, eat lunch in the same room, they are--subconsciously--reaffirming that they are part of a cooperative (or, minimally, non-antagonistic) social group.

The other primates cement social bonds by grooming each other; we do it by making small talk.

If they solicit your participation in these rituals, and you repeatedly refuse those bids, you are marking yourself out as, at best, an outsider to the group, and thus potentially antagonistic.

This is all happening on the monkey-brain level; they have no idea what they're doing or how they are interpreting your response, so there's no way to clear up the misunderstanding.

To the ape sleeping in your co-worker's DNA, either you are part of the grooming circle, or you are an outsider who, for all it knows, may be coming to steal all the bananas.

Even if you would prefer not to socialize with your co-workers, it's generally worth it to set aside 5 minutes a couple times a week for phatic communication. You don't have to answer your co-workers' affiliative signals every time, but it's less trouble in the long run if you respond to a few of them.

[punkrorschach]

if you are the type of person who really just wants to be left alone to do their work in quiet: it is actually easier to achieve this as part of the in-group. when you enter a new space, in this case, a job, make it your GOAL to make everyone Know Who You Are. introduce yourself to everyone you meet. literally everyone. "hi I'm Jack I'm New." this helps burst the awkward bubble. you are now one of the monkeys.

at some point, either in response to an invitation, or just in the natural course of conversation, you can add in that you are a "quiet type" who "needs their silence" or what have you. customize to your personal needs. i find it helpful to imagine a well dressed elderly woman describing the sort of peace she needs to manifest.

roughly once a week if you see a group of people chatting, engage with them. keep it pleasant. it can be superficial. word will travel that you are Nice and Quiet and Not The Chatty Type protecting you from group lunches etc. if you have an office with a door that you keep closed a lot, putting up any kind of decor will also send positive signals.

humans are monkeys! for better or worse!

[tlbodine]

Pro tip: try to make a note (write it down if you have to) about some inconsequential thing that your coworker mentions so you can ask about it later. Kids and pets are great for This. As are hobbies. One guy in my office zoom called in from his house and I saw he had an arcade game in his office so I asked him about it later and he lit up like a Christmas tree. Another coworker has a pet pig and I ask every couple months how the pig is doing. This is a great strategy for pivoting conversation away from you and will make them think you are the friendliest monkey in the pod.

[linecoveredinjellyfish]

i am some sort of fey creature and my cat is the human who i have arbitrarily decided is my favorite human.

[linecoveredinjellyfish]

i live, to him, an unfathomably long life

i have access to powers and locations that he cannot access independently; he needs my help to navigate the world i've brought him to

i simply found him outside and abducted him one day

there are many cats in the world, but this one is the best and my most favorite. why? because he was available to abduct that morning and for very little other reason.

i have a much greater understanding of this world than him, but he has unshakable confidence in his ability to figure it out and i find that really cute

the power dynamic is fundamentally unbalanced, but i let him have a little audacity. a little combativeness and sass. as a treat.

some humans are needlessly cruel to cats or take them in for a short time before neglecting or abandoning them. but i have chosen to love and guard this one with my life. because i think he's neat.

he is very well-treated and has pretty much everything he could possibly want or need, but he is my prisoner.

[cryptotheism]

The unsavvy talk about furries like they're some hypersexual excretion of modernity, but drawing animal-people is one of the top 10 neolithic human activities. It's up there with collecting berries and producing clay figures of fat women.

[planet-motherfucker]

[fotibrit]

there’s a world somewhere where tony died in that wormhole and they grieved him, but then realized that he has more iron man suits. they are still functional, all in their own, without a pilot.

There’s a world in with an iron man suit continued helping the avengers long after tony’s death. and everyone calls the suit “tony” and acts as though there is a pilot within the suit. There isn’t, but it’s easier to pretend there could be.

Pepper kisses the faceplate. Steve jokes that tony’s body is now as strong as he is. Bruce learns more mechanics just so he can “stitch up” “tony” after battles.

And they all love him. and he is long gone.

and it was, in fact, much easier to love him once he was Iron Man and nothing else.

[pretty-well-funded]

ok, but like...that last line is gonna haunt me forever now. thanks.

[fanficauthorsanonymous]

If you ever wonder why authors get annoyed at certain kinds of reviews, particularly those about updating, just imagine your mother saying the same thing about your room.

“You updated!” = “You cleaned your room!”: Pleasantly surprised. This one’s okay.

“You finally updated” = “You finally cleaned your room” Wow, thanks a lot mom. See if I clean it again if you’re going to be so passive-aggressive about it.

“Please update.” = “Please clean your room.” I literally just did.

“When are you going to update?” = “When are you going to clean your room?” Oh my fucking god, mom, let it go.

And when you get it from a dozen different people, over and over and over again, it’s like your mother continuously nagging you about chores that either don’t need to be done or that you just did, like, an hour ago.

[crownsoflaurels1020]

Second.

[ladyhallen94]

This is fucking gold. Especially that ass that keeps repeating please just to lengthen the word count.

Ones that just say nice is like getting a thumbs-up from an absentee-dad.

@cooliogirl101 @tozettewrites

[bobdylanyaoi]

[onethousandfrogs]

Funniest justification for gay sex thank you Marlon Brando

[theconcealedweapon]

[pretty-well-funded]

👀 Let’s start a new starker server and perv out to our hearts’ content

I WOULD DO IT AND TAKE ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COME WITH US. although I don't really understand discord or how to set one up so idk lol

[pretty-well-funded]

I was just going back and looking at all the plot bunnies and flash fic I saved from the darker-starker discord and I fucking miss having people to perv out with in real time so much. it was THE BEST.

[pretty-well-funded]

I need a new fandom for the seratonin 😅

anyone got recommendations for a pervert in need?

[snowstark]

Mafia Boss Peter x Hostage Tony Gifting this to the loml @vaguekiwi <3

The boy king doesn’t return after those words. Not for a while. Not until Tony's arms are aching from the restraints, until his legs are shaky and jello-like, until he’s desperate. And when he does return, Tony hates the flash of relief that courses through him. Hates that he’s relieved to see Parker back in the room. Hates that he wants to stop feeling lonely. Parker strides up to him, pushes a hand through Tony’s hair, and murmurs mockingly, “Did you miss me, Mr. Stark?” The touch sends a jolt through him. Tony swallows. His words slip out just a little too eagerly. “Yes. Sir.”

[snowstark]

Senator Tony x Intern Peter

Peter catches Tony's attention. Peter quickly becomes the best dressed and best known intern in the building. Peter wants to thank Tony. Tony lets him. Peter gets on his knees. He’s a pretty picture, and they both know it. “You’re wrinkling your suit.” “Doesn’t look like you mind much, Mr. Stark.” The rest is history.