Johnny USA

city corn digital

[qv]

imagine going to wendys and you hear them say lets put this idiot on the grill

[salt-and-pepper-panda]

Tried Wendys for the first time today.... treated like burger

[salt-and-pepper-panda]

*tasted

[salt-and-pepper-panda]

They did NOT put me on the grill

[watermelon-moutain-dew]

[newskinfortheoldceremony1974]

U ever feel like ur going back to 505

[totennko]

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[silverjirachi]

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

[wizardlyghost]

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

[elodieunderglass]

[dustyxoverture]

I’m sorry but the THOUGHT that has been put into this, I actually CAN’T—

The fact that nearly every line is so metrically considered- near perfect iambic pentameter witb the occasional trochee for emphasis, but usually retaining a strong sense of rhythm nonetheless. And then the king comes in at the end, so wound in his disbelief that his response is reduced to prose.

And the even better thing about this is how easy it would have been to structure the king’s line into iambic pentameter: it is effectively already said as such because of the way wizardlyghost has phrased it, yet they haven’t!! They did not break the line, rendering what, by all typically of both Shakespearean canon and other periods context should be the character with the most command and authority in the whole play. If there was ever a more effective way to convey a genuine “what the fuck??”, I know of it not.

But it gets better!! Shakespeare regularly uses meter in order to represent class divide; the nobility usually speak in iambic pentameter, save for a few particularly chosen moments (e.g. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness, Othello’s realisation of Desdemona’s “betrayal”) or just lines where Shakespeare needs to suggest high emotion or when a character is lost in thought. Supernatural characters like the fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Witches in Macbeth usually speak in trochaic tetrameter, an inversion of iambic pentameter. Lower class characters, particularly those used for comic relief (usually under the influence of alcohol), speak with no structure at all: their language is plain prose. Therefore, if this is a conversation between these types of characters, as the prompt from silvergirachi suggests, why the hell are the characters speaking so eloquently???

Now, this is Tumblr. It is subsequently logical to assume that this may have merely been a humorous recreation (and a very good one at that) of the Shakespearean style in a way that is widely recognisable to an audience that may or may not have read a great deal of Shakespeare, which is understandable. However, logic is boring so I’m going to probe further into this to the point where future historians will look to this as an example of overanalysing.

The inherent eloquence of the characters here suggests an unusual subversion of the roles typically assumed in Shakespearean comedy. This could be interpreted along two major avenues: firstly, that the rhetoric displayed by the speakers is fundamentally representative of how truth can be expected even from the most seemingly pointless or ludicrous discussions. Furthermore, it could suggest that it matters not how well constructed your speeches are: if you talk bullshit, it’s going to sound that way despite your attempts to hide it.

This is similar but not identical to the second avenue of interpretation: there is the implication that the noblemen in the play are in fact the comic relief characters, therefore implying that the “common people” of the play are the ones whose influence, though not expressed in such a highly spoken manner, makes a lot more sense than whatever the hell this is. If this was a real Shakespeare play, I would call it a subtle exploration into the innate corruption of the rich and powerful. Well done, op.

Now, I doubt any of this is actually grounded analysis in any way, shape or form, but if someone else can take this to the extremes of writing a Shakespearean scene, why can I not analyse it as such? And where else to do so than Tumblr?

[wizardlyghost]

im in tears i didnt think anyone would put this much analysis into this‚ thank you so much

[pipistrellus]

I love that phenomenon where ur talking to another neurodivergent person for the first time and u haven’t quite grocked their flavor of brain yet and they haven’t grocked yours and you’re both using your Acceptable Friendly Person Getting To Know You Script on each other but of course those scripts have been calibrated mainly for use with, like, normal people, so you just end up being like two conversational roombas bonking gently off one another like “hello fellow human” “hello fellow ‘hello fellow human’” until you both at some point manage to adjust your programming and actually like, communicate

It’s like when I was a kid I had two furbies and when you put them next to each other they’d just natter nonsensically past one another for a bit and then at some point one would abruptly recognize the other with its furby sensor or w/e and it would shout “DANCE!” and the other one would flap its ears and reply “HEY, DANCE” and then, in perfect unison, they would begin to rock back and forth while chanting “doot doot doo doot doot doo”

It’s exactly like that. I love it. Crazy people are the best, we are super excellent, i love us, i love crazy ppl

[pipistrellus]

I wrote this post in my head while having a major dissociative episode in the bathroom and its the best and truest thing Ive ever said

[clearlyclueless]

what if we were two furbys and we were in a kids room and we recognize each other and then start dancing

[bunjywunjy]

ah whoops, looks like it's cold enough that I pulled the ol' "went outside with damp hands and accidentally froze myself to the mailbox" on myself again

[bunjywunjy]

you guys will NEVER guess what just happened, again

[bunjywunjy]

ah.

well, no wonder

[vocifersaurus]

Do you not know about gloves, or are they just more trouble than freezing to the mailbox?

[bunjywunjy]

they're just more trouble than freezing to the mailbox

[returnsandreturns]

i made my character a human fighter who’s a housewife/empty nester seeking adventure and wholesome fantasy violence after discovering that her husband is having an affair

is this……

is this how you dungeons 

is this how you dragons

[thegoodqueertheywarnyouabout]

im sorry, but is her age “it’s rude to ask a lady her age”?

[returnsandreturns]

yes. also her weight.

[fishbizkit]

this is a million percent how you dungeons AND dragons

[liberalsarecool]

God forbid we give 3% less to the military and save humankind.

[0x1-deactivated20220826]

the way "lockdown" means "keep going to work but no seeing your friends allowed" instead of "stop working here's some UBI and free food and rent is suspended indefinitely as we employ highly-paid workers with proper PPE and unlimited PTO to work on massive infrastructural improvements to indoor ventilation systems across the country. all vaccine patents have been nullified btw"

[funnytwittertweets]

[invaderxan]

Tumblr burned down years ago, and now a tranquil meadow has grown from its ruins

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

Tumblr is that barren pasture in Costa Rica that was purposely filled with 12,000 metric tons of orange peels by conservation researchers. Initially, the orange peels decomposed into “sludgy stuff filled with fly larvae.” This led to accusations that the juice company providing the peels were “defiling the land,” and thus, the site was ultimately abandoned. But when researchers went back about 15 years later, they discovered “the arid landscape had been unrecognisably transformed into a dense, vine-filled jungle... as for how the orange peels were able to regenerate the site so effectively in just 16 years of isolation, nobody's entirely sure.”

And that, my friends, is Tumblr.

[rexidot]

(via @lastvalyrian)

[runrundoyourstuff]

@novantinuum

[funnytwittertweets]

[tamascotchi-deactivated20190101]

this guy would be naked if he didn’t respect machamp so much

[pleaseburger]

thank you for your service

[michaelgovehateblog]

I would like to wish everyone an uneventful new year

[michaelgovehateblog]

It’s only November and this is already getting notes again, you guys are really manifesting this energy early for the new year

[primarybufferpanel]

We would like to live in Less Interesting Times please

[taraljc]

may your days be quiet, and all your threats benign

[allhailthe70shousewife]

[biggaybunny]

Ed Edd & Eddy episode where they run a cryptocurrency scam

[biggaybunny]

It'd be called Edcoin. Edd would be forced to draw all the NFTs. The servers would be powered by Ed on a bike and the scam would fall down when he gets tired and stops pedaling.