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@probablyrandombbeg-rpgideas
[IDEA]
Have those tricky PC's once again lucked or minmaxed your carefully crafted BBEG into oblivion? Instead of cthulu, tiamat, or what else you can throw at them, describe an ancient, indescribable evil from the realm of gods approaching....before throwing the monster manual on the map.
roll initiative
[IDEA]
A dragon BBEG who, getting really sick of these stupid bard seducing dragon jokes, holds a music competition with the intent of slaughtering every single musician that enters it.
requested by @probablyrandombbeg-rpgideas
mimic helmet~
“I can’t be vegan, I love cheese”
Dairy industry is as evil as meat. No less harm for animals. Does it look natural that calf can’t drink milk so you can taste your piece of cheese?
GO VEGAN.
WRONG
That calf is wearing a nose tag. Nose tags are put on calves so that they are able to stay with their mothers longer, but are unable to nurse. They don’t NEED to nurse as they get older, they just get greedier and pushier and will bash up the cow’s udder and bruise it with their noses.
This nose-tag is so that calves can stay with their mothers, their mothers can remain pain-free and healthy, and nobody is stressed.
Educate yourselves you ignorant fucking tarts.
…really? You don’t think it might have anything to do with the milk being stolen for human consumption? At all? Not even a tiny bit?
Militant vegans can fuck right off
Based on fur texture and face shape, that calf is at least six months old, probably older. Calves can survive without actual cow milk even at three months, though older is better (calves weaned that early are usually fed a sort of formula for another couple months).
Also, nose tags like that one don’t go through the cow’s septum. They basically work like those fake septum rings for humans.
In addition to weaning the calves, another use for nose tags is protecting non-lactating cows. Sometimes weanlings or even adult cows will suck on themselves or other non-lactating cows; this can cause internal teat scarring bad enough to prevent that teat or teats from ever working. I’ve seen this happen, and it’s ugly, probably at least somewhat painful, and, if bad enough, would lead to the cow being slaughtered at a very young age because she can’t produce milk, has chronic mastitis, and/or can’t be milked with automatic milking equipment. So, nose tags actually prevent animal cruelty.
Also, calves will suck on anything remotely oblong (and attempt to eat literally anything), even if they are being adequately fed or overfed. Often they will suck on other calves’ ears, and, since ears are longer than teats and cows have upper as well as lower teeth in the back of their mouths, many calves get bites on their ears, which often become severely infected. I’m not sure if nose tags would work there, because physics—a non-toxic but bad-tasting ear paint would be better—but yeah, letting a calf put anything it wants in its mouth is not always a good idea.
reblogging for educational purposes.
reblogging for people being schooled
This was the funniest argument about false cruelty I have read.. Thank you.
I love this for 2 reasons: Most people don’t realize that in farming areas agriculture/horticulture/animal husbandry is part of public school education from as early on as 7th grade. (Though I remember dissecting cow eyes in 4th grade science sooo) I assure you fifteen year old farm kids know more about what constitutes animal cruelty in farms than thirty year old vegans with, or without an agenda.
Also that if you really want good quality beef/pork/eggs/milk/etc you don’t abuse your animals. Ever. That’s not the point and if you want to make any kind of money off your career choice, you are going to treat those creatures better than you treat yourself. You’ll call a vet five times for an infection in your herd before you visit the hospital for a missing foot on your own leg.
So. Yeah. Watch out, because we’re getting internet access these days. We’re on tumblr too.
P.S. The immigrant workers farming your supermarket produce have no health care or legal protection, and the Bolivians farming your 365 Organic Quinoa can’t afford to eat it. But PLEASE won’t someone think of the poor baby cows who won’t get off the tit?!
Also this is a LOT nicer than what mother cows do to calves that won’t be weaned. You know what mother cows do to calves that won’t wean? kick them in the head. Now I don’t know about vegans, but I’d rather have a nose tag that discouraged me from injuring my mother (because calves that don’t wean tend to chew on udders and make mother cows bleed) rather than being kicked in the head. Source: I grew up on a fucking cattle ranch. I have seen chickens skeletonize a mouse I KNOW SHIT.
“I have seen chickens skeletonize a mouse I KNOW SHIT.”
I’m sorry, what? What??? WHAT??? you can’t just leave it there please explain @thehornedwitch
Happy to explain! See, chickens are omnivorous. They eat bugs, plants, and meatstuffs. Y'know how crows and ravens and things eat meat? Well, chickens too. Ours had a particular fondness for ham when someone accidentally put it into the bucket of good scraps we set aside for the chickens. A bucket we tried to keep as meat-free as possible, because few things are more terrifying than a chicken looking you in the eyes as it scarfs down ham. Anyway, back to the mouse. One day i was doing Chicken Chores, like gathering eggs, putting out grain, emptying the bucket of greens, etc, when a mouse runs across the pen. All at once, eight or so chickens stop dead, look at it, and SWARM. Now I’m six at this point in time and developing a healthy fear of chickens, and so do nothing. By the time the chickens are done, all that is left of the mouse is its bones. I left the chicken pen very, very quickly. Chickens crave meat. They were dinosaurs. They did not forget that they were dinosaurs. They will also cannibalize each other with reckless abandon. Sometimes we just had to remove one chicken to its own private pen away from the others because no matter what we did, that specific one always tried to eat the other chickens. We had one that really liked other chicken’s eyes. Bear in mind, our pens ensured each chicken had about five to six square feet all its own if you managed to space every chicken out evenly, we never locked them in teensy pen things, and fed them LOTS. These chickens just really, really wanted to maim. Chickens that are not Buff Orpingtons are the devil. Buff Orpingtons are sweethearts. If you must have chickens, have that kind. And never get Guineas. Guineas are SATAN INCARNATE. THEY SMELL FEAR.
Holy shit, I dont think I’ll ever use chicken as an insult again.
Holy Shit, same here that is terrifying
Will I’m using it as a compliment
I love farm animals.
“Chickens crave meat. They were dinosaurs. They did not forget that they were dinosaurs.”
If you’ve ever looked a chicken in the eye you know that they don’t just remember; they’re patiently awaiting the day they become dinosaurs again.
@kedreeva
I have reblogged this before because watching farmers school vegans is always hilarious, but now we’re into birds, specifically fowl, and I have got stories.
I had to give my turkey an antibiotic injection once upon a time, and she turned the needle puncture into a six inch by three inch hole in her back overnight as she attempted to eat herself because apparently turkeys find themselves to be delicious. She had to spend 3 months duct taped into a tea towel (the bandages underneath cleaned and replaced daily, mind you) until it healed because she would not stop ripping the bandages off to continue consuming herself.
Your chickens strip a mouse to the bone? Mine draw and quarter them and run around with the parts shrieking. My peacocks grab mice, beat them to death on the ground with this insanely fast back and forth head twisting motion, and then swallow them whole. You would not think an entire adult mouse would fit in their face, and you would be wrong.
I knew a guy that used to regularly post photos of the 5-6′ long Copperhead snakes his peafowl would destroy. And I don’t mean kill, I mean destroy. These venomous snakes would get into the pens and the peas would just peck them into oblivion like nbd.
Fowl didn’t just used to be dinosaurs. They are still dinosaurs.
Thankfully they are small dinosaurs
and we can just tape them into tea towels if we have to
BEGGING for a Jurassic Park reboot where farmers run the place instead of brogrammer scientists, and the raptors frequently get scolded and taped into tea towels
Okay so honesty time I may be a vegetarian but it’s not because I give two shits about cows to be honest but THAT STUFF ABOUT THE BIRDS IS INCREDIBLE! Please folks if you started to scroll past this like I did STOP AND SCROLL BACK UP TO READ ABOUT THE MURDERBIRDS.
Even our little animals are terrifying and dangerous…
We live on a death world, and that is probably why aliens are afraid to make contact.
I didn’t even grow up on a farm, although I do have a fair amount of experience with animals. I have been riding horses since I was nine years old and have one of my own, and I also helped take care of my neighbours chickens before she saw all the scars I was getting on my legs and decided the fresh eggs weren’t worth the disfigurement of her favourite adopted neice. Anyway, I had to go into this pen with a fucking RAKE and wave it at them so I could reach the food and water bowls to fill them. The rooster would ‘spur’ me (slice me open with a claw) whenever he had the chance. And even though I WOULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS TINY MONSTER DINO-FOWL EVERY TIME, HE WOULD DO IT AGAIN WHENEVER HE GOT THE CHANCE! I have some pretty boss scars on my legs and behind one knee from that bastard. I will eat chicken out of spite now even if I’m not craving it, thinking of that monster the whole time.
As someone who grew up on a farm, this post is absolutely everything.
Reblogging for insane stories and the line, “I eat chicken out of spite now.”
RPG idea: instead of normal minions or a en evil castle, just get massive fowl coops and a farm. Watch the heroes get turned into laughing shreds à la Monty python bunny style.
If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can’t humans be summoned by ants? The answer is they should be.
Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house I’d certainly notice, try to figure out where they’d all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.
That’s why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name. And they’re like, you can’t leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals - now you have to do us a favor. And you’re like, let’s just see where this goes “yup, you got me… what’s the favor?” and usually the favor is like, “kill this one ant for us” or “give me a pile of sugar” and you’re like… okay? and you do, because why not, it isn’t hard for you and boy is this going to be a fucking story to tell, these fucking ants chanting your name and wanting a spoonful of sugar or whatever. And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can’t really do, one of them, she’s like, “I love this ant but she won’t pay any attention to me, make me important to her” and you’re like… um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like *horrified whisper* “what have I done”
for some reason my brain won’t let go of this one, so…. Meanwhile another colony of ants invades your house, and evidently that last ant has gotten some of them to join her in a circle and taught them the ritual because you’re coming out of the bathroom one day and you hear the ants singing your name. Sure enough it’s that ant, but she’s dark and fucked up now, and she’s like, “kill the queen. I will rule this colony” and you’re like, sure, I guess I kinda owe her, and you do it. And she manages to become queen, and they worship you. Which is cool, you’re not, you know, very important in the human world, but to these ants you’re practically all-powerful. You can’t be just, doing everything a bunch of ants tell you to, though, when would you watch netflx? So you tend to only show up for super important ants; you teach them some extra words and when hear them you go see what’s up. Usually. Also just to your name, if you’re bored. And, sometimes some of the ants are like, tell us more human names, and you’re kind of jealous of the idea of some other human diluting your private godhood, so you refuse. Your roommate Greg is like, yo, that’s fucking awesome, I want ant worshipers! But whenever he approaches any, they run away, because it turns out that the illusion of control from the named summoning is what makes them feel safe around you. That’s great, because Greg is a dick who never does the dishes, and one day you decide to teach Greg a lesson. So you show up at the colony, and you’re like, “yo, witch queen, did you think there would be no price for all these things? Your colony must do something for me, go to the Room of the Housemate, I will meet you there.” And you go sit on the couch and play Overwatch for a while. You’re like, right there, you can clearly see the ants all marching along the wall to Greg’s room, but to them you’re not even there, you’re so far away they can’t see you. It takes them, like, an ant week to make the journey. They have to figure out ways to get over and around things. Some of them drown, or get stepped on by the dog, or whatever. You win a game, you lose a game, you look over, and they’re trying to get through some cobwebs… looks like they’re mostly going to live, you keep playing, you look over, okay they’re all in there, and you stand up and walk over and by the time they’ve chanted your name once, you’re there. “right, hold on” and you look around and you see a twelve-pack of Greg’s precious fucking soda, that he keeps in his room and refuses to ever share, even though it’s a communal food household and you share your hot chocolate with him all the time. So you gather the ants unto you, and you poke a little hole in each of the sodas and you leave the room to the sound of the ants rejoicing. Greg will suspect of course, but he’ll never be able to prove the ants didn’t chew holes in the plastic and steal his stupid drinks. But later, while you’re at work, Greg destroys most of the colony in a rage, and you come home to find the witch queen gasping her last “the Dew of the Mountain, which you had us steal, was cursed - and so I lay my curse on you” and then she dies. Well first of all, you don’t really believe in curses, but last month you didn’t believe ants could know your name, so that’s unsettling. And second of all, you feel kind of bad. You know, not SUPER bad, cause she’s like, an ant. But still. And most importantly, third of all, Greg must pay. But Greg has done more than kill a bunch of the colony. As you wait for eggs and pupae to replenish the ant population, you discover he has found some ants that didn’t go on the Mountain Dew raid, and he’s spared them, told them his name, and made himself a good sized cult in YOUR fucking ant queendom. Greg has started locking his door. So now you NEED the ants. Once again you direct the ants loyal to you to journey to Greg’s room. You meet them at the door. A locked door means nothing to the ants, they don’t even know there is a door, and can barely perceive the difference between it being open and shut - either passing the threshold on the floor regardless, or being on its surface no matter the position. But you need them to get inside. You’re going to put itching powder in his underwear drawer and leave a raw fish under his bed. So you instruct the leading party of ants how to go into the Cave of Keyhole, and position the Magic Megaliths inside just right to enable the opening of the Great Door and allow you to pass into the Realm of Housemate. Crouched by the door, you can hear when your ants are met by a party of Greg Cultists, who insist that if the Great Door is opened, the colony will be doomed. There is fighting. Your ants prevail, the lock tumblers are moved into place, and you swing the door open… To find Greg! In his room all along! It’s a trap! His cultists attack you! I mean, they can’t do much real harm, but it kind of hurts and it’s super annoying. You order your ants to attack him, and they do, but he storms over and pours bleach down the colony entrance. Now you and Greg are at war, and you both understand the unspoken rules to your fight. You can’t do things directly to each other, why, that would be assault. But anything you can get your ants to do is fine, because “she told the ants to do it to me” isn’t going to get very far with any authority figures that get involved. Later, nursing your anger, you confer with your few remaining ants and stare moodily at your new prize, the ant farm that came in the mail. Bullet ants don’t usually get along with sugar ants, but you’re betting they will if a god tells them to. Meanwhile, you’ve got a laptop schematic to go over with your high priestess. It’s finals week, and if you time it right, he’ll lose everything…
Feel free to add your own stories paralleling human/otherworldly with insect/human interactions! I’m going to have this repost a few times because I want to see which of my mutuals are into this kind of thing because I’m preparing to test drive a fiction share and writing prompt project
The Idea of the old gods obeying us not because of supernatural reason, but because they think it’s funny to watch the tiny animals fight IS the answer to everything
You don’t visit your older sibling too much, at least not at their apartment. You’re just in 5th grade and they’re already at college. But you go over one day and play all the games your dad won’t let you at home. Then you hear it- chanting. Someone or something is chanting your sibling’s name- from the kitchen.
You peek your head in and see a circle of ants. Ants. Chanting a name. You walk up to them but they scatter when you get close. Except for one.
It notices that you resemble your sibling. You find yourself surprised at how intelligent the ant is. It asks your name, and you tell it, and it gets even more confident and asks to serve you.
You tell it that you aren’t staying here long, and it begs to accompany you. You’re about to say no when you realize all the other ants worship your sibling- you need some to worship you too!! If they have ants you should have ants!
You slip the little ant on to your finger and then tell it to hide up your sleeve. You hang out like usual, and your older sibling comes out and you both have fun! They realize that you’re hiding something but can’t figure out what…
Dad comes and you go home, and immediately race to the backyard. Near your favorite tree where the rope swing is, you place them at the lip of an anthill. At first the other ants start to swarm them, but when the ant calls your name you poke and prod the other ants until they stop and surrender! Your ant is hailed as a prophet and becomes the new queen! They take some soldiers and leave to make their own anthill, and you suddenly have two colonies that worship you!! Much better than having some kitchen ant worshippers!!
You decide to take some ants to school- you’ve heard rumors spread about you and you want to find out whose been telling them! You send your scouts out at the beginning of school, and you meet up with them at lunch by a trash can. Right before they start to report the news a foot stamps down on them! You can’t help but cry out and start to tear up as the bully, George, laughs at you and your reaction to his deeds.
“Stupid! You have no friends so you play with ants!”
You tenderly pick up as many of the crushed ants as you can and run away crying. Most of them die in your pocket during class, crying out to you for mercy…
You get home and your ant, the ant, is pitifully calling your name. You take it to the garden where it’s anthill is and lay it down amongst the flowers… It calls out and surprisingly a bee hears it and lands beside it. The ant speaks your name to the bee and the bee slowly flies up and hovers in front of your nose. You wipe your tears as the bee lands on your hand. You idly leave food for your colonies and give the bee some sugar water before going to bed… You cry yourself to sleep.
In the morning your two colonies have amassed their forces- and swarming in the yard are dozens of bees…
They all chant your name.
You decide it’s a good day to not be George.
Become the insect overlord!
requested by @probablyrandombbeg-rpgideas
Submission
I AM LITERALLY LIVING FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN VAMPIRE GALS SO HERE YOU GO:
-Vampire queens who hold sleepovers every two weeks complete with ginormous beds and a mound of pillows. The elegant creatures of the night unlock their inner child as fort fights and plushies are thrown , and let’s not forget the (purposely) badly-done and hilarious makeup.
-Cute Vampire makeovers between the ladies ?? Bat nail designs and exchanging beautiful gothic ball gowns , discussing which century’s fashion they miss the most , showing each other the clothes they will most definitely burn someday (don’t lie you know you have a few too) and teaching each other the tips and tricks of staying happy and fun under the sun.
-Adorkable vampire girls who dress their bat familiars up , probably met because both their bats took a liking to each other and now they have play dates every Friday , and they sip some fruit tea while discussing which brand of shampoo is best for taking care of your bat’s fur.
-Competitive vampire girls who actually use that competition in a good way ? Friendly jesting between them and competition that brings them both up to become better people instead of them trying to trample each other down , and it can be something like who can catch the most rogue vampires to who can bake the cutest pie.
-Vampire queens who are prominent public figures and who happen to be friends and so goddamn tired of the morbid and toxic obsession the public has with female friendships going sour and friendly bickering turning into an over exaggerated news headline ? Bonus points if one of them holds a public conference about how awesome and lovely the other is and how they want the media to stop.
-Vampire girls who will defend each other to the grave even if they really are enemies. You talk shit about her ? Get hit with a random flying wine glass. They may be “frenimies” or “rivals” but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to cross the line of simple courtesy and call her something unsavoury.
Vampire girls who have healthy relationships -or at least common courtesy- will always be my favourite and triumph over the standard boring “All vampire women are enemies” trope
Instead of a Big Bad Evil, have a Big Bad slumber party and a Big Bad gaming night for the PC's who aren't comfortable with that at the end of your dungeon, as a reward for a session well done! :D
Bonus points if you make new friends and participate in all the fun activities!
[IDEA]
Make your BBEG a hivemind consisting of all the cutest of all puppies and kittens, making it absolutely too cute to hinder or defeat in any shape, way or form.
When facing Druids or other heroes with an affinity for animals, spread rumors that you can spy on people by possessing local wildlife. Then sit back and watch as all of the heroes furred, feathered, and scaled friends get massacred by paranoid townsfolk.
Calm down Satan
ALL CUTE ANIMALS SHALL PERISH
This is genuinely terrifying
Scaled animals are friends!
BUT WHO WILL GIVE THE QUESTS?
Make an almost invincible BBEG who's deadly allergic to most animals, and uses this tactic to assure their diabolical victory.
[IDEA]
Make the BBEG a typical mustache-twirling old-timey villain with one major difference. They don't tie you to train tracks.
They throws trains instead.
[IDEA]
Make your BBEG the most accepting and chill person ever, who happily employs the disabled, creatures of different beliefs then their own, LGBT+ henchpeople, and more!
Submission - PSA
VAMPIRE WOMEN DO NOT SEE EACH OTHER AS COMPETITION! THEY DO NOT DEMONIZE EACH OTHER! THEY LOVE, STAND UP FOR, AND ACCEPT EACH OTHER" That will be all
Make your BBEG an edgy bigot who doesn't believe in female vampire friendships/couples.
Bonus points if you manage to let them see the error of their ways by forcefully shoving happiness down their throat. :D
[IDEA]
Let the BBEG use the most ancient, destructive, vile and evil technique of all when near death.
Calling the PC's parents.
[IDEA]
Maybe the true BBEG was inside your PC's all along! With wich I mean they're actually a ravenous virus they accidentally helped spread across the world and is now eating your party from the inside out.
[IDEA]
Make your BBEG the friendships your player characters have made along the way.
[IDEA]
Make your BBEG evil copies of your party. But instead of them being an experiment gone wrong or clones, they're just a theater group your PC's managed to really piss off.
The last battle is just the theater group copying the party's every move to annoy them into submission.
[IDEA]
Make your BBEG an evil kingdom.
Not a kingdom with evil politics and a tyrant king though.... The entire kingdom is one huge mimic. The underground final boss dungeon is literally just the PC's walking to the monsters stomach.
