why you should wear your stethoscope out in public.
You will look like a pretentious twit. But before you cry out, consider the model of socialisation familiar to first years and anyone cramming for final exams. Acting like a doctor is a crucial step to becoming a doctor, and House and Dr Cox are doctors who are also pretentious. Therefore, in order to become a doctor, you must wear your stethoscope out in public.
Doctors get upgraded to business class when flying. How else will the flight attendants be aware of your pending-doctor status if you don’t wear your steth?
There’s scope for, ahem, roleplaying.
Think of the pick-up lines. “Excuse me miss, but you just made my heart skip a beat. Care to hear?” “I’m offering free health checks to all attractive males… and you most certainly qualify.”
If you plan on going into surgery or psychiatry, this may be the only opportunity you get to wear your stethoscope. How many surgeons have you seen wear a stethoscope on ward rounds?
“Stand back, I’m a doctor” sounds much more impressive if you look like one. And no one will question your doctor qualifications if you’re wearing a stethoscope.
It’s a great party trick. In fact, the last two parties I’ve been to, I’ve whipped out my pretty little stethoscope and conducted full cardiovascular examinations on my friends. Not only do they get free healthcare, but it makes you seem super intelligent because you can tell them that their hearts are normal.
Eavesdropping. Forget holding glasses up to walls or casting listening charms—if your friends are having a super secret conversation next door, you can simply hold your stethoscope to the wall and listen to all the dirty gossip.
It’s great revision for clinical exams. If you’re wearing your stethoscope on a long train trip back from the country, imagine how many times you can listen to your heart and lungs. You’ll be a pro at identifying normal breath sounds by the end of it—and if you’re game, you can always practice on the other passengers. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.
Hitting someone with a stethoscope hurts. Therefore, wearing your stethoscope on those long walks between hospitals, residential colleges, and sophisticated drinking establishments means you always have a weapon on hand should you find yourself in less-than-pleasant company.
Please note, this is an entirely facetious list. Don’t wear your stethoscope outside the hospital, please.
