Nightly Explorations
I was reluctant to reconnect with you. Truth is, I barely recognized your photo. A sense of familiarity eventually hit till I was able to pull that memory of our first and only meeting from the archives of my mind. It wasn’t a good memory, that’s why I found it in the bin labelled “To Forget”. But I didn’t, I forgot to forget and I’m glad I did. When we reconnected, I realized how much we had grown as individuals. I no longer look at the world through a corrosive lens and you no longer think of yourself as Godly. And that’s humbling, to have learned our place in this world separately and to later gauge our humanity.
The night was ending for us as it was just beginning for others. As we walked back to my car, passing people entering clubs and bars. “Let’s just watch TV” we said. And we did. We didn’t have end goals, we were mentally cruising the night away giving into desires. We drank plenty of each others company and explored new zeniths with our bodies. To the street lights shining through the window, we traced the lines of each other’s skin as if we were mapping our internal urbanscapes. You ventured through my existence and discovered buried pleasures I had never experienced. A gradual escalation, a powerful crescendo. The spontaneous adventure is done and I get ready to go out into the night with one more memory for a bin I can’t seem to find. But you don’t let me. So we talk and discuss, continuing our exploration but through our mental spaces this time. And I start to feel a spark, one I’m terrified of cause I know what you want.
I woke up to your text. It gave me hope, so I replied only to realize this is repetition of all the guys who leave me hanging. I know your type, I’ve seen it before. You’ll only go around giving attention when you’re expecting something from the world.