[allstarrocks]

One year for christmas, svetlana manages to get her hands on a few photos of irina and gifts them to ilya for christmas.

Its a very emotional affair and shane is there to console his husband through the emotions of having these photos that will prevent him from forgetting what she looks like, and he's SO grateful to svetlana for being able to give this to ilya but also.

Also inside he's fucking FUMING bc there is NO WAY he can win at giving ilya gifts after this. what the hell sveta.

[jewelcoatfish]

on one of the days ilya wakes up before shane in their shared beds, a few years down the line married, he holds his breath and watch his husband sleep, his hand lightly caressing his freckles and his plump lips and his eyes— is that a wrinkle on the corner of shane’s eyes?????? they’re faint, barely noticeable unless you’re staring at it 5mm away, but there’s faint wrinkles on shane’s eyes.

and ilya gets struck (again) about how time moves and leaves traces on the human body, how he got to grow up and now gets to grow old with shane, and be the person to notice the first trace of wrinkle on his face.

shane wakes up when he feels his shoulder a little damp, and was welcomed by a teary husband with fingers on his eyes, and is very confused. when ilya tells him what happened he smiles and says. “funny, mom used to tell me eye wrinkles represents a life filled with happiness and laughter. i guess you’re the perpetrator of my wrinkles.”

[russianblush]

crazy to think that last year this time they had just recently wrapped up filming heated rivalry and now a year later they're both known worldwide. hudson is a CSA winner and the youngest to ever win the lead actor category and connor is nominated for an emmy for snl where the best skit of the night was LITERALLY based off of his own character from his clowning days like. can we all just have a group cry real quick

[providing-leverage]

#myshane has a policy, after they're married, of never apologizing for Ilya. Partly because if he starts, he'll spend the rest of his life doing it. Mostly because he agrees with pretty much everything Ilya says/does, or at least finds it hot.

Chirping other players, on and off the ice? That's just hockey. Ilya knows where the line is and if he crosses it, you deserve it. Saying shit in press conferences that no one else ever would? Shane's actually more upset that his years of media training means he'll never be able to bring himself to respond that way. Being unhinged on the internet? Shane is blushing and kicking his feet.

Furthermore, Shane knows the importance of being a united front now. Even if Ilya did something that upset him (I think talking candidly about their sex life to the public would do it, and pretty much nothing else) he would never scold Ilya in front of others. Because Ilya is his partner, not his child.

[snowsmoked]

Shane and Ilya will often ask each other to explain little cultural things. For Ilya, it’s the odd English word or Canadian phrase. For Shane, it’s translation of Russian media or a pop culture reference.

So when they’re lying in bed one day after a long evening practice, scrolling on their phones, Shane turns towards Ilya and asks, “what’s a ‘slavic stare’?”

“What?”

Shane turned his phone screen towards his husband. It’s a list of ‘Top 10 Athletes with Best Slavic Stare’.

“I am only number four?” Ilya frowned.

“What is it?” Shane pressed.

“Is this,” Ilya tossed his phone aside and rolled over on top of his husband. He had himself propped up on his hands, strong arms bracketing Shane’s head.

Shane looked confused at first. Ilya closed his eyes and set his features. When he opened his eyes, they were gazing up at Shane, chin tilted down. His jaw was set tight with a hard line at his brow. All playfulness had fled his features.

It was the same expression Shane had seen during important games. Games where Ilya wasn’t just trying to win, he was trying to destroy the other team.

“Ilya?” Shane breathed.

But Ilya just stared. It was intense, focused, like his world narrowed down to a single task.

It felt like… how Shane imagined a rabbit would feel caught in the eyes of a wolf.

“Ilya, stop it,” Shane wiggled, hands on Ilya’s chest to push him off. The fact he used about 10% of his strength to do this meant nothing.

Ilya grabbed both of his hands in one of his and pinned them above his head.

He said something in Russian that Shane only caught fragments of. His voice was deeper like it got when he spoke his native language. Shane got “you” “wanted” “good boy” and “me” but it was enough for him to vaguely catch onto the meaning.

“Ilya, I’m…,” Shane whined and unsuccessfully tried to yank his hands back. “I’m tired. I just wanted an…explanation.”

“But you are hands-on learner,” Ilya said in English but with a thick accent, not dropping the stare.

Shane squeezed his eyes close as Ilya dipped to capture his prey.

Fuck.

[lexicanons]

Ilya has surgery on his shoulder in the off season. The surgery is considered a minor one and everything goes well. He walks up from surgery high as a kite but otherwise fine. Yuna, David, and Shane are talking to Ilya when a nurse walks in. The nurse explains he’s here to examine the small incision and check the stitches but when he tries to pull down the hospital gown, Ilya freaks out and tells him no. “I’m married!” He slurs out. “Happily married!” They try to explain that the nurse is just doing his job but Ilya isn’t having it. Only Shane can undress him so Shane peels back the gown enough for the nurse to look at the stitches. Shane apologizes for Ilya’s outburst but the nurse shrugs them off and says it was actually kind of cute.

[kosmogrl]

I act so chill but I am the world's most impatient and scared person

[agent-odessa-over]

Plow Pose

This is part 2 of Shane's fiasco involving, yoga, technology, and his husband. You can read Part 1 here.

Shane is definitely freaking out. Like, he’s currently debating whether to open the driver’s side door and tuck and roll out of it. It is so not fine.

The day had started out so nice. He’d picked Yuna up for lunch, after she phoned him that her car had a flat. They’d gone to her favorite place, a little brasserie with farm-to-table offerings and a nice wine list; classy, but not stuffy. Shane even let himself be a little wild. He ordered the mussels with a saffron cream sauce, even mopped up the leftover sauce with hunks of crusty French bread. He’d texted a picture of it to Ilya, even though Ilya was 30,000 feet up in the air and somewhere over Calgary, on his way to Banff for Troy’s bachelor party. Stupid, really, to miss someone who hadn’t been gone a full day yet.

“Thank you for lunch today, honey,” Yuna smiles, squeezing his shoulder from the passenger seat as he drives back to his parents house. Shane’s already dreading how to fill the remainder of the afternoon. Maybe his dad has a new puzzle. Maybe he can convince Yuna to go over the Reebok contract.

“Of course, Mom.”

Yuna glances at him sideways, a soft knowing smile on her lips. “Ilya’s flight should be landing soon, I think. WestJet’s really nice. The last time I flew with them, the plane was brand new.”

Shane knows what she’s doing. Whenever he or Ilya fly without the other, they’re nervous wrecks, have been since Tampa.

Suddenly there’s a ping, and a little badge appears across the touch screen in his car. The message icon flashes next to his husband’s name. Shane exhales, maybe the first full one since last night.

“That’ll be him, do you mind?” he asks.

The number of text message notifications keeps going up. Ilya texts Shane like he talks, in a stream-of-consciousness canine sort of way.

Yuna smiles. “Not at all.”

Shane clicks the voice recognition button on the steering wheel. “Play all text messages from Ilya.”

His car’s robotic humanoid voice, pitchy and staccato, begins to read.

“Ilya said: just landed. Will call you when I get to the hotel.”

“New message: I already miss you sweetheart.”

“New message: Will be thinking about you all day.”

Yuna places her hand over her heart, mouths the word ‘aww.’ Shane swallows and blinks rapidly, looking out the window. Goddamn his sweet, angel of a husband.

“New message: I think you broke my dick last night.”

Shane’s stomach lurches. Oh no.

“New message: Fuck, how are you so flexible? Drooling face emoji.”

“New message: What do you call it again? Plow pose?”

Yuna’s face is frozen. Her expression is not unlike that of a taxidermied animal, an eternal combination of grimace and terror.

“New message: Next time I want to film it.”

Shane scrambles for the voice recognition button again. “Stop! Stop reading messages!” Today, however, his 10-year-old Land Rover decides to mutiny. The button jams.

“New message: You left actual footprints on the wall. I did not see them until this morning. Do not worry. I will clean when I get back.”

Those mussels are dangerously close to coming back up. Shane is going to be sick.

“New message: You need your rest today. Bet you can barely sit down. Eggplant emoji. Peach emoji.”

Shane’s face twists in horror. It’s like watching an opponent hurtling toward you on the ice. A complete out of body experience. Nothing to do but brace for impact and pray its over fast.

“New message: Love you, malysh.”

“New message: “Have fun with Yuna, tell her I send my love. End of messages.”

For a few moments, there’s nothing but the sound of air whooshing outside the car on the highway. Shane grips the steering wheel tightly. Maybe he’ll be lucky. Maybe his mom won’t breathe a word about this ever again-

“Can you show me how to get my car to read out texts?”

“NOT NOW MOM!!!”

[agent-odessa-over]

Shane's not freaking out. Its fine. Its fiiiine.

Ilya left with Harris and Troy to get fitted for his best man suit for the upcoming Drover-Barrett wedding hours ago. He'd sent a very sexy selfie from the changing room, linen suit pants hanging loose on his waist, white dress shirt draped over his shoulders and unbuttoned down the chest, stupid lopsided grin with laugh lines and crinkles around his eyes (fuuuuuck, why are Ilya's crows feet doing it for him lately? Definitely not going to unpack that one).

Shane: Fuck. Come home.

Ilya: see something you like? I think it comes in your size 👀

Shane: As long as it comes in me

Ilya: fuuuck baby you cant say that while they measure my inseam

Shane: You look so good, I could eat you.

Ilya: shit i promise troy and harris i will get beer with them after. Get yourself ready for me and i will let you know when im on my way home.

But hours later and still no text from Ilya. Shane doesn't want to be clingy. He knows the Centaurs see him and Ilya as a two-headed, codependent entity (which, honestly, fits in with the whole Centaur thing, wait no, Shane, don't lose the plot here). But he's starting to worry. Every now and then, Ilya will enjoy a beer since starting his SSRI, but never more than one, and he's always been completely fine. But still, Shane's brain is picturing awful scenarios, and he's practically thrumming with anxiety.

So Shane's anxiety wins and he dials Ilya. It rings a few times, and his heart fills with relief at the static crackle and rush of air filling the speaker. "Hello, Lyubimyy," Ilya purrs.

"Fuck, Roz, where the hell are you?"

"In the car, driving home from the bar. I'll be home in about 20 minutes. Just have to make a quick stop on the way."

Shane lets go of a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Okay. But if you're not home by 8, I'll suck my own dick."

There's a muffled gasp, but it doesn't sound like Ilya. He hears a tinny voice in the background. "Can he really do that?" it asks incredulously. Troy. Motherfucker.

He hears Ilya scoffs. "No. Wait. Can you really do that?'

"I bet its the yoga," another voice says. Harris. Fuck.

Shane blinks. His voice goes dangerously quiet. "Ilya," he starts. "Am I on speakerphone?"

"What?" Ilya squawks indignantly. "You are always so worried about me driving and talking, so I use the bluetooth."

"Ohhhhh well in that case," Shane says in a fake cheerful voice. "But you might have mentioned it before I STARTED DESCRIBING SEX ACTS IN FRONT OF OUR FRIENDS!"

"Shane," Ilya whines.

"Don't you 'Shane' me."

Ilya sputters. "I like to be hands free! You know this!"

Harris snickers in the background. "Apparently Shane likes to be hands free, too."

"Dude," Troy says. "You think he, like, can bend in half?"

Ilya growls. "Stop picturing it, Barrett!" he yells, presumably into the backseat. "Your fiance is literally next to you."

"Oh it's cool, Harris says Shane is my hallpass. Or, you know, H-O-L-L pass."

Ilya sighs. "Shane, we will fight about this later. I need to go kill Troy." And the call disconnects.

And dammit, now Shane's hard again.

You can read Part 2 here!

[burymecherry]

happy fat baby shane friday! i think baby shane loveddd salmon ever since he could first eat solids, he was a bit of a picky eater when he was being weaned off milk a lot of the puréed baby foods they tried to start shane on he would put in his mouth but not really swallow. then one day yuna is making salmon and she gives a little piece to shane for him to try and his eyes light up and he starts happy kicking his chunky little legs in his high chair. after he finishes the piece he makes grabby hands and fusses until she gives him more. she feeds him almost a full filet just like that and he’s so happy. yuna and david start joking that he’s their “little bear” because his favorite foods are salmon and blueberries. when they go out for sushi one night fat baby shane is just knawing down on sashimi, gripping it in his little fist.🥺

[shanyushahollander]

‘i wonder how jacob is going to adapt the boxing day fight… i really hope he takes all the toxicity out and especially the part where ilya backs shane into the wall :(’ okay well i actually love that ilya’s been bottling up all his anger and resentment and fear and communicating in passive aggressive eyerolls for months and blows up out of nowhere during a nice boxing day afternoon and then shane responds by saying the nastiest most hurtful most breathtakingly clueless thing he can think of like a cornered animal and then ilya pulls his usual emotional cutoff and tells him to get the fuck out of his house because he’s done with the fight he started now and then shane refuses to leave and keeps repeating the same question over and over again and then ilya straight up has a cptsd rage blackout and realizes in a very visceral and horrifying way how deeply maladaptive his coping mechanisms are because by refusing to acknowledge that he has any needs at all in order not to hurt shane he is now HURTING SHANE <3 like i know it makes both of them cry and have to take a very hard look at how they’ve been acting as partners and people but it makes me happy to get all that catharsis so :)

[burymecherry]

fat baby shane absolutely CRUSHING a carton of blueberries…his appetite for them is insatiable. yuna and david have to check his pockets regularly because he likes to put them in there to save for later, half of his shirts are stained, he has blueberry on his mouth all the time. eventually they plant bushes in the backyard so they can just grow them instead of having to constantly buy but by the time they start producing he doesn’t like them anymore😭

[shanepervert]

it actually IS nine inches and FAT and shane loves to lay it across his face before he sucks it and tell ilya how fucking big and perfect he is

[ilyarozanovsmediatrainer]

After spending so much time hanging out and talking with Ilya (Shane really doesn’t want to talk with that many people) and Ilya feeling comfortable to speak “lazy” English when he’s at home/with Shane, Shane starts accidentally speaking “lazy” English too. It starts with dropped articles here and there, which he doesn’t even notice. For a while it only happens around Ilya (and Ilya doesn’t pick up on it), but eventually Shane is chewing out a rookie in practice or something, and he’s just so pissed he’s not even thinking and goes, “is not hard! You see puck, you put in goal, yes?” And then he just pauses and the rookie is very confused about what just happened but it appears he’s off the hook because Shane also seems very confused about what just happened.

Along with this, there’s a handful of words that Ilya always forgets the English for (and a few that he just thinks the Russian word sounds better), so he’s just started using the Russian word with Shane, so even before Shane gets very good at Russian (or really knows any at all), he knows a few obscure Russian words (stuff like cufflinks, baking soda, jellyfish. Things that don’t come up a whole lot for Ilya, but come up enough that Shane remembers).

Then one day Shane is on a run with Hayden, and after looking down nudges him and says, “Шнурок, you’re going to trip and die” and it takes a few seconds of Hayden staring at him in confusion before it finally clicks “shoelaces. imeantyourshoelacesareuntiedfuck.”

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

[through tears] yeah i remain whimsical

[namtan]

BARBIE 2023 | dir. Greta Gerwig

[deletiaclementine]

Shane finally gives Ilya the cookie and Ilya is determined to make this a Good Time for him, he’s pretty sure Shane is new to this and yeah it’s gonna be hot but Ilya is going to be sweet too. Because Shane Hollander deserves that.

But then! Shane Hollander deftly turns the table with a cheeky forehead kiss and what is this? ILYA isn’t supposed to get sweetness. He’s supposed to give it. He just remembered he’s supposed to get his hair cut at midnight he’s gotta GO