not gay, just homie-sexual

24 (he/they/she)

[hawberries]

Hey. Don't let anything hold you back, you hear me?

[urie]

i looooooooove how annoying shane and ilya must be as the two best hockey players in the world just both of them being able to see the game at such an elite level and notice things no one else does and theyre basically speaking their own language to one another and saying things like "i dont even count a hat trick if its on an empty net if the goalie isnt there its NOT a real goal i think they should not count these" "absolutely if theres no challenge it isnt real" "exactlyyyyy" and they will say things like this in front of players who have Zero career hat tricks

[urie]

hayden is struggling in the postseason and says its bc he is "playing with a broken rib" and privately shane is thinking "okay but just one though jesus christ" and ilya is texting him like "is pike playing on severed legs" "broken rib" "ok???? just one????" and shane is like wow thank god finally someone who gets it

[cassassinated]

I miss the days when, no matter how slow your internet was, if you paused any video and let it buffer long enough, you could watch it uninterrupted

[mythicalwashrag]

[useful-info-haver]

If you use Firefox, you can go to the about:config page, search for "media.mediasource.enabled" and double click on it to set it to false. After you restart Firefox, all youtube videos will load entirely even when paused! This also affects other streaming websites :)

[nyxgoddessofcandles]

There's more to do actually, now

go to About:config find media.mediasource.enabled and toggle it to false find media.cache_readahead_limit and change it to 9999 find media.cache_resume_threshold and change it to 9999

additionally if you'd prefer mp4 to webm

also in about:config, find: media.encoder.webm.enabled media.mediasource.webm.audio.enabled media.mediasource.webm.enabled media.webm.enabled and toggle them all to false

note! this will limit video to 1080p

and use https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/dont-accept-webp/ to kill WebP Fuck Google

[vortex-vt]

We jailbreaking browsers now lmao

[myshangel]

instances of shane, the worlds most jock, calling ilya baby:

“Baby, what time is it?”

“Huh? Hold on, baby, I can’t hear you. Fuck, it’s loud in here.”

“Fuck, Ilya, yes, like that, baby, just like that, fuck—“

“Ilya, what’s— Are you crying? What’s wrong, baby, it’s okay, it’s— What’s wrong? Please, tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Fuckin’ A, Rozanov! Yes, baby! Fuck, that was a good one. C’mere.”

“Mm, baby, your feet are cold. Ah! Ilya, get your cold fucking feet off me. Put some socks on. Jesus.”

“Hold on, I’ll ask him— Baby, my mom wants to know if steak is good for dinner?”

“Your hair is so fluffy today. No, no, come back, let me— Yes. Thank you, baby.”

“Ilyusha. My baby. Ilyusha. You’re so pretty. Don’t laugh! I’m being serious!”

“You’re gonna have to skate better than that to beat me in the scoring race, baby, I’m locked in this season.”

“Fuck, baby, you’re burning up. No, asshole, I mean you’re sick. You can’t go to practice like this, don’t be fucking stupid.”

“Uh, just a beer, please. Thank you, baby, that’s perfect.”

“Ilya, baby, you want a pretzel?”

“Hi, baby. You looked good out there, that goal was fuckin’ insane.”

[wolfythewitch]

Dog years

[shut-up-gwen]

Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together

Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?

Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?

Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that

Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again

Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Hollanov are always going to have crushes on each other. They're gonna be married for over a decade and Ilya is still gonna puff up and preen when he makes Shane laugh at one of his snarky comments or goofy bits, which Ilya said specifically to make Shane laugh. Because he has a crush on him. Shane is gonna smile and flush and sort of bury his face into the pillows when he wakes up to Ilya already looking at him, eyes heavy lidded. He's gonna mumble "Hi~" all shy and bashful. Because he has a crush on him. They are perpetually crushing on each other. Any minute now I'm gonna start sobbing

[wannabetonthat]

I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea

Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.

It's the 2015-2016 season, middle of the hookup era, and he is trying to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.

But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.

Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.

This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?

The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.

Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.

"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"

And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.

"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what am I gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen."

That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.

Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.

There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.

Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.

Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.

A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.

[hr-rep]

After Shane’s being playing for Ottawa about 2 years, a video gets published of the social media person asking the entire team various questions like “who has the worst locker?” and “who would you most want to be stranded on a deserted island with?” and one question that was Meant to have an easy answer of maybe Ilya or one of the younger players is “who is the funniest player?” And nearly unanimously, it’s Shane fucking Hollander.

The public is DEEPLY confused and some fans start genuinely being like. Are they bullying him :( is this bullying? :( bc being funny is so far removed from the Shane Hollander(-Rozanov) brand. The answer comes from a live stream the younger players put on where they answer thought thinking: “Oh, because he’s mean as shit and it’s always funny. It’s never not deserved tho!”

The THINK PIECESSS this starts </3 the players coming out of the woodwork and telling on him bc they thought they were Alone in experiencing an absolutely brutal Shane Hollander chirp, Ilya finally getting to brag about how his husband is a bitch and he likes him SO M U C H.

(Yuna & Farah’s combined power barely keeps this from going nuclear but it does mean that Shane gets to be an absolute bastard on the ice when it comes to chirps in a way he wasn’t allowed before. And that’s enrichment for him.)

[thisfeebleheart]

[rainbow-femme]

Someone online makes a comment about how Shane probably isn’t a very good boyfriend, saying his flat affect and resting neutral face in paparazzi pics and video must mean he’s detached and not affectionate compared to Ilya who is much more overtly affectionate

Ilya then has the rest of the Centaurs help him make a compilation of secretly filmed Shane moments showing how good a boyfriend he is

Ilya doing the “would you still love me if I was a worm?” thing and without missing a beat or asking any questions Shane just goes “Yeah”

Harris films himself asking Shane random Ilya questions and Shane always having an answer. “Hey what Ilya’s favorite milkshake flavor?” “Mint.” “I’m buying everyone fun socks, what’s Ilya’s favorite color?” “Blue, but only if it’s light, he doesn’t like dark blue.” “What’s Ilya’s favorite fruit?” “Pears.”

Troy waits for Shane to sit on the bench looking at his phone or tying his skates then says “Oh hey Ilya’s coming in” and catches multiple examples of Shane immediately scootching over to one side to make room for Ilya to sit next to him

Ilya puts his feet up on Shane’s lap silently and Shane starts lightly massaging them. Ilya lays his head on Shane’s shoulder and Shane starts quietly playing with his hair

They film Ilya handing Shane random things and asking him to hold them and Shane does without question. The internets favorite is the one where Ilya pulls a pineapple out of his bag and asks Shane to hold it and he agrees, getting his gear on one handed so he can keep holding the pineapple in the other

Hayden gets a video of Shane letting Ruby brush his hair and fill it with clips while he and Jade do Ilya’s nails, Ilya laying with a face mask and cucumbers over his eyes and his head on Shane’s lap

[tautline-hitch]

OKAY FINE. Spin for a kink. You’ve just noticed this in the tags of an e-rated fic you were going to read.

How are we feeling?

YES this is IT this is my THING

Oh fun!

Sure, why not

Not really my deal but I can go with it

Nah, not feeling it

NOPE.

Vanilla extract (I don't read kink / I don't read e-rated fic / nuance / results

Voting ended onApr 30

Preemptively, in case this gets away: Be cool in the notes.

[wormontwostrings]

everything is fine

[ayilings]

holy wounds festering

[ateazure]

"and the universe said i love you."

[hardlyhinged]

Hookup era Hollanov where Shane is just so tired and sleepy but he wants to have sex with Ilya so bad but his thrust are rocking him back and forth and his chest is so warm and Shane’s eyes are closing heavy and only barley fluttering open again. Ilya leans in and is grinding now more than thrusting and whispering all sweet in Shane’s ear “Oh so tired. So sleepy under me. But you still need it don’t you, need me so bad even when barely awake.” And Ilya meant it more as teasing but then Shane is nodding against his shoulder, breathing deep and holding him with this weakening grip and Ilya is feeling a lot more turned on but also a lot more conflicted. It’s too sweet, too intimate, too painful and all Ilya wants is to give in and cuddle Shane so close while he drifts off to the sensation of Ilya fucking him so tenderly, being everything he needs to feel content and relaxed and safe

But for now it’s too much. He finishes them both off quickly, giving Shane a few face pats to keep him awake. It’s not as hot as it was a few moments ago and Shane’s smile has gone from dopey to polite, and Ilya makes the rushed excuse of a shower so he can try to run away from the aching in his heart

When he gets back Shane is out cold, somewhat literally since he didn’t pull the covers up. Ilya gives himself a moment of grace under the guise of being a good hookup and careful cleans Shane with a warm washcloth, lingering a little longer than necessary, and tucking him in properly. Ilya feels his legs freeze under him as his task is now complete, and without thinking too much about it leans down to kiss Shane’s sleeping form, petting his hair as he shifts and sighs

Ilya’s leaves after that, like always, unaware that he’ll eventually get to settle the buzzing in his chest, in both their chests, at a scenic cottage where he’s never expected to leave

[queer-n-ugly]

[gayhockeyshow]

Have we considered that Shane’s clarifying questions help Ilya process his own emotions? Mr. Stoic Mr. Strong Mr. Responsible with a controlling father keeps things so tamped down that I wonder if Shane asking things for his own understanding helps him emotionally process as well.

I’m watching the Moscow phone call scene, and Ilya in his grief starts talking about how his family is at their worst and are being terrible to each other. He seems resentful, almost bitter.

Shane asks “Is it very upsetting?” And Ilya responds “Yes,” and then, after a beat, “But maybe… I am upset about the wrong thing…”

Shane prompts him further, “You mean, not your father?” And from here Ilya really starts to open up. He gets sad. His heart is broken, and he lets Shane see a little piece of it. Lets it breathe out in the air.

We often talk about how Shane’s questioning is useful to him, how it helps him better understand the world around him when he feels like there’s something he’s missed. But I think it’s so important to acknowledge that their communication is so compatible that this helps Ilya gain a better understanding of his own thought processes and emotions as well. They really do become better through each other