if i look back, i am lost
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
hello vonnie
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Game of Thrones Daily
will byers stan first human second
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$LAYYYTER
almost home
Sade Olutola
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tannertan36
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izzy's playlists!
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
we're not kids anymore.
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@queer-rantz
New York City just passed a rare hard trans sanctuary city order declaring New York City a transgender sanctuary city.
NYC will use NO resources to cooperate with out of state subpoenas or extraditions for those providing or obtaining gender affirming care.
Remembering the time my old nb roommate who went to an LGBT law conference and was heaping the absolute biggest bitchfit texting me cause “some cis guy” was talking about trans people and trans men in particular and my roommate refused to listen to what this guy said cause “why should I listen to him” and I said “are you sure he’s cis?” And then towards the end of the presentation he said something that indicated to the crowd he was a trans man and then suddenly my roommate started to consider what had been shared.
Absolute loser behavior, but not completely unique. We’ve all gotta stop saying only x people can talk about x issues for us to listen. Too many people in the in group will have dogshit takes no one wants to challenge because “well, they are x identity.” Likewise, plenty of people on the out group actually know what they’re talking about and have something to contribute to the conversation.
Especially when it comes to sexuality and gender, you relying on someone outing themselves or you clocking them to decide whether their words have merit is shitty, because you won’t always know if they ARE the group “allowed” to talk about it. And even beyond that, I knew a fuckload about transness before I realized I was trans, it helped me REALIZE I was trans. “Listen to x voices” got sooooo warped in the discourse.
Summing up what a lot of people have said in the notes:
No one else has a better understanding of your lived experiences than you do. Likewise,
No single person of a marginalized group is the spokesperson of said group. People can be wrong about the group. They can hold bigoted views about their own group. People can be true to their own experience in a way that contradicts someone else’s valid and true experience.
And people in the out group CAN know what they are talking about, even sometimes more than someone who is part of the marginalized group, when the marginalized person is ill-informed (or bigoted) about the collective. A cis person who has done extensive gender studies would be a more trustworthy source for trans information than Blaire White.
Judge the content of the conversation, compare this analysis to the perspectives of other people, and form a conclusion that is based on merit rather than simply identity of the speaker. Identity only makes you an expert on your own life, work and effort makes you knowledgeable about a community.
"can i identify as aro even if-" you can do whatever you want forever👍
Quick reminder since apparently it bears reminding in both directions: if bigoted people, closed-minded people overall, or your own internalized insecurities misinterpret a queer person’s message in a way that hurts/endangers you, yeah, it sucks, but it’s not the fault of the queer person in question, nor should it be a reason for them to silence themselves. They’re probably as hurt/pissed as you are that someone misinterpreted and misused their message to do harm.
Of course sadly there’ll still be queer people that actually DO mean harm and dismissal to other queer people – I ain’t speaking for those and it’s not the best way to ensure their and others’ wellbeing imo. I’m just saying – not all people will be like that. That’s what I want to believe. So hopefully let’s not put everyone in the same bag, keep supporting each other, WHILE allowing each other to advocate for our own visibility, without having to self-erase or self-censor to accomodate to what haters might say.
It’ll be tougher this way, maybe, because humans seem to like to draw extreme conclusions very quick, but I don’t believe there’s any better way for us all to be alright and stay alright on the long run.
happy pride to trans people who medically transitioned
happy pride to trans people who are medically transitioning
happy pride to trans people who aren’t able to medically transition
happy pride to trans people who don’t want to medically transition
happy pride to literally all trans people, you’re valid no matter your choices regarding your transition
Gender Census 2023: Worldwide Summary
Who? Everyone whose gender doesn’t tidily fit into the female/male binary.
What? An online survey asking participants how they describe themselves and how they would like other people to refer to them.
When? April to May 2023.
Participants: 40,375
The full report: click here
Raw data and summary tables: Google Sheets:
Unprocessed responses
Processed responses – warning, this will take a long time to load!
2013-2023 trends
~
Identity words
The top five were:
nonbinary: 63.1% (down 0.8% from last year)
queer: 54.8% (up 0.2%)
trans: 46.7% (up 8.5%)
a person / human / [my name] / “I’m just me”: 42.5% (new this year)
transgender: 40.3% (up 6.4%)
~
Titles
The top 5 were:
No title at all: 40.1% (up 1.5% from last year)
Mx: 18.7% (down 1.4%)
Mr: 11.5% (up 2.1%)
Non-gendered professional/academic title: 9.4% (up 1.0%)
Ms: 5.5% (up 1.1%)
~
Pronouns
Here’s the top 5:
They - they/them/their/theirs/themself: 74.5% (down 1.2% from last year)
He - he/him/his/his/himself: 42.5% (up 2.1%)
She - she/her/her/hers/herself: 32.7% (no change)
It - it/it/its/its/itself: 19.4% (up 3.2%)
Avoid pronouns / use name as pronoun: 13.2% (up 2.1%)
~
Say thanks / Mailing list / Patreon
happy pride 🌈
ko-fi | p/aypal
hey happy pride specifically to disabled people, especially those of us who wish they could go to a pride celebration but can't. Whether it's not wheelchair accessible, it doesn't have enough places to sit, you're too immunocompromised to take the risk with covid, it's too loud or overstimulating, or any other reason. I see you. I love you. You deserve to be included and have your needs respected.
We need to talk about how so many queer spaces are inaccessible and even actively hostile to physically disabled people.
The reason I bring this up is because at my colleges LGBTQ office they got rid of the general trans and ace clubs and instead have themed meeting weeks where each week is targeted to a certain community demographic. Obvious issues aside they had a week for neurodivergent queers and no week for physically disabled people. Which was very awkward for the person telling me to admit as I sat in my wheelchair staring at them. Like why not just have a general DISABLED week?? I felt purposely excluded. I felt like crying as I left, because that space had been where I met my found family and had been a safe space. But it was completely changed after the quarantine and I didn't feel welcome anymore.
That is just a simple example of the ignorance, neglect, and ableism in our communities. While neurodivergent queers are welcomed with open arms, physically disabled queers are left behind. They love using us as a way to get money (donate to us to help disabled queers! *Shows picture of person with green hair in a wheelchair or with crutches*)
It's not having adult changing tables, sharps containers, etc. in gender neutral bathrooms. It's blocking off handicapped parking at pride parades. It's not having seating available (at NO EXTRA COST) at pride events. It's not requiring masking at even INDOOR CROWDED MEETUPS. It's the queer abled people who treat me the exact same way as straight abled people do. It's the glares and stares, like I'm TOO much of a minority and making them look bad. Like you can't be disabled AND queer AND neurodivergent. Not to mention if you are a POC as well!! It's a disabled queer alumni crying in the gender neutral bathroom because the place that felt like home was suddenly unwelcoming to people like them.
We all know what it's like to feel unwelcome, so we should know and do better.
Not to mention how disability pride month (July) is constantly forgotten in favor of "pride wrath month"
seeing identity politics be so prevalent online is so disturbing because if a republican lawmaker was sat in a room with a trans woman, a butch lesbian, a trans man, a drag queen and a neopronoun user, they wouldnt give a shit about who was who and which person was more queer. theyd care more about keeping us all out of the general public.
I stg yall better not be reblogging this between posts about how bi lesbians tread dirt on your carpet and stole your ice cream
happy pride to people with ‘contradicting’ identities i love you and you’re doing it right
happy pride to people who don’t identify with any labels in particular i love you and you’re doing it right
happy pride to people who don’t want to be open about their identities for any reason i love you and you’re doing it right
cis, heteroromantic aces and cis, heterosexual aros are still part of the queer community because being asexual and aromantic are queer identities. include them in your pride
The pride bats are back! I thought it’d be nice to regroup them into a matching poster. The border on the moths one was changed to a rainbow gradient and some colours were tweaked for better readability/printing. Original posts: Pride moths LGBATs 1 & 2
Prints
HOLD UP HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS
was gonna leave my comment in the tags but tbh i’m silent enough about this as it is.
seeing stuff like this is so upsetting because these terms were well known and widespread in the ace community but because of exclusionists many people stopped using terms like this because they felt uncomfortable and unsafe.
i loved these terms when i was in highschool, i loved the feeling of community, but i lost that because i didn’t feel comfortable openly and proudly calling myself asexual.
they’ve hurt so many people and damaged our community badly and i will never forgive them for that. we deserve to use our own terminology and feel safe within our community.
sometimes i notice i haven’t seen “grace” (grey-ace) in a while and consequently wonder if i made it up.
I remember ppl - even other ace ppl - saying the card suit thing was “cringey” and “straight ppl aren’t gonna take us seriously” (sounds familiar?) So i guess the community wound up abandoning it. We were also having severe issues at the time with aces being stereotyped as “childish/immature” for associating things like cake, dragons, and space with asexuality, plus in general as most aces just don’t “get” allosexual things in media and irl. We were starting to be viewed as ignorant, virginal, childish, losers, etc. I haven’t seen an ace-cake thing in a good while now.
This was the infancy of exclusionary influence on us. I didn’t realize it did more damage than just closeting us. Whole symbols and terms have been lost. Community has been lost.
I remember three-four years ago I got myself into the ace community on Insta, and I came across these terms. People in these circles would talk about cake, space, dragons, and the black ring on the middle finger. Then, a year or two later, ace content fizzled out (I thought it was Insta’s algorithm figuring out that I knew all this and didn’t bring me the old stuff) and young aces had no idea what any of these were - including the black ring. Finding out young aces had no idea what the black ring meant nearly snapped my heart in two - I proudly wore the black ring, I drew characters with it, and it was my quiet way of communicating to others what my sexuality was. I was baffled at the lack of knowledge - and it turns out that exclusionists got their hands into our community and snuffed us out.
Anyways, we need to bring this back. I thought the card suite thing was cool, it taught people the different ways people can experience attraction, I loved making jokes about preferring cake, I loved wearing the black ring and talking about it with my fellow queer people at my highschool QSA club.
I’m sorry, people don’t know about the cake or ring anymore? I remember being welcomed with spams of cake gifs, photos, and MS Paint drawings. I also distinctly remember that the block solo ring in the midle was meant as reference to the Ace of Spades (black, solo, middle of card). Only thing I didn’t know was that other aces could represent a more refined nuance. Let’s see if we can get this all rolling again.
Welcome to anyone who is interested in helping with the culture revival.
This is the exact reason I started my #ace positive and #aro positive tags. I remember learning about asexuality and thinking it was cool, but not for me (yet). I remember ace visibility day where people would post selfies with an ace card to signify their orientation like in the original post. I remember going through the tag and following every ace blog I could find, turning notifications on and scrolling through their blogs endlessly to learn more about it. I haven’t gotten a notification for any of those blogs in ages.
Going through all those blogs and seeing validation, learning more things about my newfound orientation was so incredibly as a questioning and unsure 15 year old. It’s devastating to me that this community has fallen quiet so much. So I started my tags, hoping to spread some more positivity and maybe inform people. This community is full of incredible people and the fact that so little of them remain, it heartbreaking.
Check out my tags if you ever need to. Maybe I’ll add more tags to my list to do whatever I can in support
I remember seeing the start of ace exclusionary rhetoric only a few years ago… I can’t believe so much of the ace culture got lost to it so quickly.
Please, if you want to start exploring an identity for yourself (especially one exclusionists will try to tell you doesn’t “belong”), consider finding and talking to older people who’ve been in the community for a while - preferably IRL if that’s safe, or on dedicated community forums.
Diversify your research and look outside of socmed, which can be a hive of exclusionist rhetoric and flat out misinformation. Ask around about old publications or websites (the ace community has been developed and discussed in queer spaces for pretty much as long as those spaces have existed)! Check out the sources in wikis! Do your best to learn the history - because there is history. Share what you learn with your peers! Every queer identity has an older and richer culture than the exclus want you to think, and you all deserve to be a part of it.
friendly reminder that this blog is a safe space for aspec people! unfriendly reminder that if you’re an exclusionist, Fuck You!
I should start using the ace of diamonds symbol.
It's also interesting how many times I've told someone that I'm not trans, I'm intersex and technically cis, and then they turn on this sort of "I'm talking to an idiot who doesn't know anything about complex gender shit" baby mode
As if being intersex and starting to grow a beard as an eleven year old little girl didn't force me to develop complex thoughts and ideas and opinions on gender and sex
As if I'm not in my thirties now and have been out of the intersex closet for almost five years and it took years of work to even accept my intersex body
As if I'm not a woman who has intentionally passed as a man for my own safety. For years. In Texas. And lived with the discomfort and dysphoria of hating being perceived as male despite needing to for my safety
But yeah. I don't know shit about gender, please be condescending to me and treat me like an idiot bc you don't know anything about intersex people or our experiences
[Image ID: tags that read,
“#intersex perspectives should be an integral part of queer and trans education #not because they can benefit perisex people #but because perisex people owe it to intersex people to include them in their worldview #intersex perspectives matter because intersex people matter #it's not an optional or bonus thing #to unlock Gender Nirvana #it is required so you don't end up being an asshole to intersex people”
End of ID]
telling trans men they could never understand the true oppression of women because they were actually socialized male because of their gender & therefore have the same experience of gender as cis men comes from the same place as telling transfems et al that same exact thing but with their sex. it comes from the need to distance trans people from our experiences with gender oppression & assert that only cis women are Really oppressed & gender oppression can only be measured by proximity to ciswomanhood
the solution to this is not arguing over whether or not socialization exists (it does to some extent but it is not uniform/universal nor does it define your relationship with gender) but recognizing trans experiences with gender & oppression in their own right, not lending validity to them based on how similar they are to cis women's. trans women, trans men, and everyone else do not need to try and match their experiences with gender oppression with cis women's to be seen as real victims of the patriarchy. we need moved beyond "see! we suffer just like cis women! please let us into your feminism and stop calling us oppressors!" and towards "these are our experiences, this is how we suffer, we should have solidarity with cis women but we don't need your approval & we don't need to base our liberation around being similar to you"
"Biology isn't binary" but yall refuse to ever, ever ever ever use the word intersex
"Biology isn't binary" and then you equate intersex features to a secret third gender that cannot be man or woman or wolfgirl or cat boy or plantthing rather than letting intersex people determine their own genders just like perisex people
"Biology isn't binary" and biology has nothing to do with gender. I'd love this conversation to include intersex people but it never will because we are nothing to yall
