i noticed its been a hot minute since you have answered asks (the last tagged is late 2024), so i am not sure what, if anything, you will do with this?
i use they/them pronouns and the nonbinary label (sometimes i think about looking into microlabels but *shrugs* -- i refer to my own gender as schrödinger's gender,,,, unfortunately i am a liberal arts major and not a quantum mechanics major so that may never be solved lol)
i am not really sure why or what i am "asking" -- maybe just to see if other non-cis individuals have had a similar experience?
basically me and another nonbinary person exist, we (spontaneously) plan to get dinner (platonically, if that matters) off campus, the sun is setting, the diner is in a not-good part of the city (i feel presumptuous saying that, but considering the university told students not to wear any university identifying stuff off campus at all bc that would increase risk to self & both of my parents got bad vibes from the general location of the diner, i think it is accurate?)
i am afab, the other person is amab (i would like to say it doesn't matter, but in this context, it might?) and neither of us have made attempts other than hair length to visually transitioned / pass ; i decide to not go bc it seems unsafe to do so in the dark, me and my friend go back and forth (me saying no, them trying to persuade me)
it was kinda jarring (and still is) -- i have always felt a specific way about my gender (i can trace my nonbinary feelings back to elementary school but only learn the words for it in late high school) and i have always assumed that that has impacted how i view things -- my fem friends are much more aware / concerned about similar situations to the one that i described, while i have historically been ambivalent (aware of but not overly concerned with)
growing up feeling not-female, i have always felt a disconnect from traditionally-female-oriented-threats, so idk, it was jarring to be the one to point out how unsafe it was (confounding variable: i grew up in a household that, by some professional accounts was abusive, and so my sense of unsafe is a high bar ; another confounding variable: based on my own history of actions, i would not have claimed it too unsafe if i was the only person making the trip) (possible confounding variable: both grew up outside of major u.s. cities, but different ones -- this could mean our definitions of "unsafe area" are different)
sometimes i worry for them, while we don't talk anymore (drifted apart) and thereby i don't know their current gender etc, they indicated to me to be considering joining the binary as a women, and i worry how they will learn to fear for their own safety
idk what the point of this ramble was -- there are too may unknowns to say concretely that our asab played any role in that interaction, but there is a possibility it did and idk, do other people have similar stories?
Hi bestie so i mean it could have, idk tho. Theres a lot of missing pieces in the story which is fine but overall its best to play it safe at least for me.
