queerky critters

living my best sober life in a loving and healthy queer relationship of two AuDHD critters, healing from cPTSD and PTSD. 26

[queerkycritters]

i'm in a loving and healthy relationship. we are both queer, late disgnosed autistic & ADHD, have PTSD and CPTSD. we are SA survivors, trans men*, economically underprivileged. i also have some physical conditions. this means our life is already different from the "usual". my partner is an addict in recovery and we both stay sober**.

all of the non-normativity, the traumatic experiences, the chronic conditions and the marginalised identities mean we come across some unique challenges in our daily lives.

so far i couldn't find anyone to talk with, who would share the experience of a good relationship, which has to face so many challenges.

we both have had more than fair share of shitty experiences and we are healing and learning to navigate them - both as individuals and as a couple. we are providing each other support and a loving space to be vulnerable while having boundaries and maintaining personal space. we are trying to be interdependent and hold space for both ourelves and each other.

the things between us - we have that mostly figured out and we address the new issues and changes as they come. we are solid.

my biggest problem right now is that i feel lonely because i don't have anyone who would understand the challenges of a multi-marginalised couple that has to face a world full of triggers and dangers. we don't really match any bracket or support group of these i was able to reach.

i'd love talking with someone who has their own experience of being in a loving and empowering relationship that is also very different from the societal standards.

i guess i'll try posting some thoughts on my own in this blog as a try to make space for talking about my and our struggles and glimmers

*we both have the privilege of being white and living in europe, though it is one of the leading queerphobic countries in the EU.

** i had been in the grey area for years before i met him and now i am happy to stay sober and heal along 🌟

[intheimpalawithdean]

[robotslenderman]

The recent hot VS cold polls have made me realise that a lot of people have no idea how to cool down.

As someone from a hot country that's regularly on fire, here's some tips:

WATER IS YOUR FRIEND! WATER! IS! YOUR! FRIEND! You can transfer SO much heat into this bad boy! You cannot cool down without water!

Wrists under the cold tap. Splash your face and the back of your neck. Fan yourself.

In some countries you can buy a little handeld fan with a water sprayer.

Damp tea towel around the neck. Stick an ice pack in there on hotter days.

Half fill a water bottle with water, stick in freezer. If you use a bottle with a straw, make sure it's lying on its side with the straw side up and out of the water. When frozen top up the rest of the way with tap water and off you go.

Desperate to cool off? Wet T-shirt. Sit in front of a fan. This will nuke it, just don't get hypothermia and don't fall asleep like this.

Cold showers are also your friend in summer. Some people get psyched up by these. Personally, I sleep like a baby, so I'm good to have them before bed. Just keep in mind that it takes a bit of time for the cool to circulate, so your body will tell you that you're colder than you actually are. I find that when I have cold showers I need to step out of the spray when I think I'm cold... I'll just wait, and thirty seconds later the temperature has evened out and I actually need to step under again. Rinse and repeat until you maintain coolness even after stepping out for a bit.

If you can't do cold showers, turn the cold shower on anyway and just stick your arms under. When they're cold, lift your arms up above your head. The sensation of cool blood draining into your body is fucking weird and kinda unpleasant but less unpleasant than being hot.

Feet in a tub of water with ice. Blood naturally flows to your extremities when hot, so take advantage of this. If you don't have a tub of ice water, sticking a wet rag on your feet in front of the fan works too, it's the less powerful version of the wet T-shirt.

Drinks lots of water but make sure that water has electrolytes as well. Stay in the shade.

Keep air circulating. Fans don't actually cool rooms down, they just help transfer heat from your body to the moisture on your skin or the air via evaporative cooling.

Block north facing windows early in the morning so the sun doesn't get in. If you're in the northern hemisphere, this is opposite for you. Keep in mind that if your home is brick, the bricks will still heat up and slowly release heat into your home even after the sun goes down so this will only do so much.

If it's hotter inside than outside, close all your windows but two, making sure they're on opposite sides of the house/unit you're in. Point a fan out of one window, making sure that the doors between the rooms with the open windows are all open. This will help create a mini pressure system in your home, pulling cooler air in and pushing the hotter air out via the fan. Bonus points if you can get that fan high up where the hot air rises; even within a single room the top is much hotter than the air by the floor. Adjust the amount of open windows based on how many fans you have, but generally you want more windows with fans open than windows without fans to keep the pressure correct.

Obviously, use your common sense for these. Not everything WILL work for you, just use the stuff that does and adjust what needs to be adjusted. Some of these will be impossible to use in the workplace but others you can still use. Others are best used at home. If humidity impacts your ability to use any of these, get a dehumidifier if that's an option, or use more ice instead of evaporation.

Also keep in mind that the skinnier you are, the faster these will work. More fat means more insulation, means more heat, so you may need to be more patient with some of these or use them in combination.

[robotslenderman]

Bringing this back for my dying mutuals

[queerkycritters]

mastering the ways to stay cool as a potsie 🥵 as a try to make this summer better than the last one. here are some of my additional tips:

- salt!!! use salt, add some salt to your tap water. buy yourself electrolytes. consider adding some mineral water to your hydration rotation.

- if possible, adjust your eating habits for the time being. do not use cooker or oven during the heat. seriously. either prep your dinner the night before or choose meals that don't need much heat to make. an energising breakfast, then during the day and worst heat lighter things and snacking: fruits, vegetables, nuts, protein bars, bread with olive oil, leftovers, etc. - small portions, relatively often. then bigger dinner once it all cools down a little towards the evening. the toll of cooking isn't as high then.

- if possible, try changing your schedule a little. get up a little earlier so you get more done during the "livable" temperatures and then, during the hottest hell - siesta. take a nap, read, just lay tf down near a fan and try to not move too much. life begins again once the sun is setting :) ofc not possible for many people, BUT if your health depends on it - it's something to consider.

- if you have to go out, stay in shadows, always have a big bottle of electrolytes with you and keep sipping. if you need to walk a longer distance, pre-plan your route and stops - take a short rest on a bench under a tree, walk into a shop that has AC, stand in a tunnel between two blocks that has some shadow and draught - see your strategic points to just cool down for a minute or two.

- take a small bottle with atomiser and pour tap water in it. helps to cool down on the go. as above - apply cold water on your pulse points.

- when the forecast says it will get particularly hot that day, in the morning i fill the tub to halfway point or a little less with cold water. i will use it during the day to cool down my feet a few times, but it will also be lowering the temperature of my bathroom a bit. then i can water my plants with some of it in the evening.

- if everything else fails, it is better to lay down on your own (even in a weird, public spot) than to be lain down by the command of your own body collapsing.

[sarahconnorjr]

Since we are between Pride Month and Disability Pride Month… I wish more people talked about how being disabled is queer

Besides the fact that a lot of disabled people need to have non traditional sex, there are a lot of things that make being disabled queer

As opposed to abled men, disabled men are considered inherently unsexual beings. When their "need" for sex is recognized the solution is only considered to be found through pity or prescribed through prostetution like its a medication. There is also a common issue (in my anecdotal opinion) of disabled men being allowed to be sexual predators because no one believes them capable of being sexual

Disabled women are also considered sexless but instead of being seen as incubators like abled women the idea of them having children is taboo and thus they are considered to perpetually be children

Despite a great deal of disabled people being non binary (probably due to what I'm discussing here) they have a hard time finding validation and accessibility in queer spaces.

Queer, trans and non binary disabled people are under far more pressure to remain closeted because they can't afford to alienate any family members, medical practitioners, or political parties. Many also have to maintain affiliation with churches that are hostile to them so they can remain eligible for food and other aid

There is a lot more but I just wanted to touch on the major categories

Please share this especially if you aren't disabled yourself. If you are disabled I hope this encourages you to talk more about these issues and how they affect you because you aren't alone

[queerkycritters]

👆👆👆

queer pride events alone are often horribly inaccessible.

btw, queer disabled people are greatly affected by discriminating laws, especially lack of marriage equality or difficult legal gender recognition procedures.

an experience of an LGBTQ+ disabled person will be more than just a sum of experiences of LGBTQ+-phobia and ableism. developed by Black feminists, intersectionality theory tells us, that existing within a multi-marginalised group comes with its own unique challenges and means being underrepresented in both of the "primary" groups.

it may be counterintuitive - i agree, that disabled experiences are very often queer; i think of queerness as a broader category than just a synonym for non-hetero/not-cis.

[kinfolk-of-frogs]

One of the best things I've done for myself as a disabled person is get rid of my shame around sitting or laying in weird places. Bathroom floor? Check. Random sidewalk? Check. Lobbies of various professional buildings? So many checks. It is not embarrassing or shameful for me to take care of my body but it is embarrassing for architects and city designers to value appearances over accessibility

[queerkycritters]

the countless times when security/administrator of a place felt it is necessary to approach and reprimand me for sitting on the ground/floor... XD it is fucking sad, like what's wrong with people. for me floor/ground is often more comfortable than benches anyways, but they have to flex their "power".

also what is the tip to make passersbys not worry for you when you lay down on the floor/a bench? appreciate their intentions, but i could do without the nagging and staring.

[ordinarytalk]

Recovering from autistic burnout as a high-masking adult:

To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler

You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it

If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life

If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.

Go through a sensory checklist.

SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights

SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.

TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?

TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?

SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?

INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.

Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.

This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.

If you want to recover, you need to relearn your whole body. And get over your idea of "normal" and just wear the damn sunglasses and put on the headphones. If people stare, fuck em. You're disabled and they can deal with that.

[minusboy]

a neutral reminder that while being a hater can be a fun indulgence you can never find long term happiness by spending your time constantly hating on things and you can’t make long term friends if the only thing you have in common is something you both dislike; you need to love and be passionate about things. being petty gets old. you need to be a lover too

[seasonofhotness]

Day four of making LGBTQ+ art everyday for Pride Month! June 4th: Arnold Lobel's Frog & Toad.

Prev. Next

[what-even-is-thiss]

idk some people just feel threatened by anyone being unapologetically themselves even when they aren’t hurting anyone because it brings up the possibility that the rules are made up and the points don’t matter and that’s an uncomfortable thought

[what-even-is-thiss]

Just being yourself is quite difficult at times because most people’s true selves don’t perfectly fit what society wants them to be in every single way but also once you’ve tried actually being yourself it’s difficult to impossible to go back tbh.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Also as a trans person especially when I first started just being myself I wasn’t exactly sure who I was and you might feel that way if you’ve been pretending to be something that other people wanted you to be but you are a being with opinions and interests and comfortable mannerisms and you can find them if you just let yourself be without wondering if you’re existing correctly.

[queerkycritters]

not everyone can unmask (unmask in a broad sense) safely. maybe even none of us, because there WILL be some price to pay. if you have the choice, you don't make it once and for good - you choose every day and it is okay to adjust.

to me, existence as a queer being (the wide meaning of queer as a proud "weird") is a constant struggle of balancing out the threats and joys of being myself. should i try to at least partially mask, or is it safe to show up as i am?

at some point, i started to care less about the costs, just because it seems to me i've already experienced the worst of it (tho ik it is a defence mechanism. or maybe i just entered a different stage of life?).

note that many people can't afford to risk their health and/or life, bc that often is the price for them. and so many of us don't have that choice at all.

[burntoutatelier]

I'm working on being comfortable hearing & using the r-word (not the slur!!!) and it's so hard. I used to think that I was really clinical and detached from terminology, especially towards myself, but I can't even bring myself to type it most of the time, and I often visibly flinch if someone says it in conversation. I want to be able to use the word because I think it carries a weight / impact that "sexual assault" doesn't as much, and I don't want to gloss over or minimize what was done to me, for the benefit of non-survivors in conversation. It's such a difficult thing to actually get comfortable with though, I still have a long way to go.

[queerkycritters]

TW: SA, CSA, gender dysphoria (mentioned - post about starting to heal)

i am at a point of my healing process when i need to finally address my issues with sex. as a SA survivor, the r-word mentioned above hurts me almost physically anytime i hear it.

for a very long time, i was convinced i don't have any problems with sex at all. the time came when i have to admit that i do.

to realise this, i had to see myself react to other person's SA and CSA story. i had to see a couple of times how i can'T handle talking about these things, how i choke when my partner opens up to me. i was too blocked to admit i do have problems of my own; that my story isn't so neat and clean and short as i liked to think it is. i thought that i already dealt with all SA in my life, but there are some things i am very afraid to admit.

my therapist said i may be struggling with entangling all of the feelings, thoughts and memories because i did experience gender dysphoria from an early age - however, i wasn't aware what that experience was until i was about 20yo. for now i feel absolutely lost.

i am really tempted to forget about it again, to sweep it under the rug. however i know that's the only thing i can really do to be there for my partner and for our relationship: first be here for myself.

[stargazers-satellite]

my partner said something that kinda rocked my world

[queerkycritters]

in remission and in flare-ups

[pilotofstarshipfables]

Since trauma often comes with chronic pain I feel this graphic from one of our support groups is applicable here

[queerkycritters]

ah yes, the "compassion" bingo

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

how it feels to message a friend who's having Problems that you can't do anything to help with.

[manesalex]

Every Ed Teach Scene (113a/?)

[queerkycritters]

you can't heal if you stay in the same toxic environment and or relationships that fueled your addiction and trauma in the first place. among the people who benefit from you being at your worst, who retraumatise you, ones who feel threatened by your recovery.

[roxyrondell]

Another theme from OFMD is finding community.

Ed and Stede have struggled with finding their ideal community that they can thrive in. Before meeting they’ve both been living in a community that stifles their growth and keeps them from being able to be their true selves. They both spend so much time working through the trauma they’ve experienced in their lives as individuals. They’re doing the majority of the work on themselves as they process their trauma. But they don’t have to do it alone. They both find a support system in each other and the found family that is the crew of the Revenge. Ed and Stede don’t fix each other by falling in love though their love for each other does help them work through everything they’ve been through. I’m not saying that they don’t have more work to do on themselves and with each other but they have come a long way by the end of season two. They can work on things together. Their relationship is reciprocal, equal, a true partnership with a best friend.

Dealing with your trauma alone can be a challenge and a hindrance in making progress working through it. We see what happens with both Ed and Stede when they keep their emotions bottled up and don’t let anyone in. We also see how well they do when they let each other and the crew in. One beautiful thing about this show is flipping the idea of having to go it alone on its head. You don’t need to wait until you have your mental health sorted out to have love, community and support. That those things can help you as you grow. Trauma can take a long time to work through especially if you’re not getting what you need. Like if your environment, the people you’re around are toxic that can also be a hindrance in making progress with your mental health. Being around people who are supportive and kind and being in a good, positive environment is so important in feeling safe as you work towards healing.

Ed and Stede for the first time ever in their lives find someone who understands them. Someone they can trust, talk to and be fully themselves with. Imagine what a relief that is for them. No longer having to hide their feelings. Being able to talk to someone who will listen, not judge, someone who has their best interest at heart. Learning to love and accept myself was a long process. (I still have days where I struggle) So seeing Ed and Stede learning to love and accept themselves for exactly who they are makes me emotional.

I love how part of Stede’s ethos is working through things together. He encourages his crew to talk about things which helps them grow as individuals and as a community.

I love that the crew come to care for Stede and Ed. They help them when they need it.

Stede knows from experience with Mary that not being able to communicate is a detriment to himself and others.

Stede also sees how healing it can be when he is finally able to be truthful with himself and Mary.

I’m grateful for OFMD and how much it’s helped me as I work through my own trauma and grief. It’s brought me a community that I can be myself in. I’ve found some truly wonderful friends. It’s extremely helpful knowing that I’m not alone. That there are others out there who feel the same way I do about a lot of things. It’s also helpful knowing that there are supportive people in this community who are there to talk to even if they can’t relate to a particular situation.

Shoutout to @crimson-and-clover-1717 @celluloidbroomcloset @follows-the-bees @iamadequate1 @scribophile @gentlebeardsbarngrill @dinosaurs-and-lavender @elby3000 @agaywithcoffee @careful-knives @captainclickycat @mermaidinn @ofmd-ann @temporal-discounting @romcomtelecom @iris-in-the-rain I love our discussions on the show and I appreciate all of you so much!

(This got a bit rambly. I hope it makes sense)

[queerkycritters]

i've been thinking about ofmd and how i love this show. i find many parallels between me & my beloved's story and ed & stede's

[lliveonthesunn]

i get why people don't believe in marriage as a social construct but legally it is the best and easiest way to say "this is who i trust to take care of me when i can't take care of myself" and i'm so glad gay people fought for that right bc when shit gets scary at least i know im in good hands

[queerkycritters]

this is very much me, but in our country we still need to fight bc well, no same-sex marriage for us. also, a not-so-fun-fact is, that according to our country's law having autism disqualifies you from being eligible for marriage at all (well in practice noone cares about that, you totally can be diagnosed autistic and get married, also not many people even know we have a law like that; still it is horrible)

[cosmicpheonixgirl]